Since my partner told me just over a week ago they are a gambling addict and had managed to get themselves into a lot of debt. My mental health has taken a steep decline.
I should probably mention I have had anxiety since my late teens, but since finding out it has severely sky rocketed. I have been off work since, I tried to go back but found I couldn't focus, normal tasks took me three times as long and I was over checking everything. I'll start to feel a bit better in the evening, then the next day I'll wake up in a panic all over again.
I want to be there to support my partner, instead I'm an anxious wreck most days, initially it was about the amount of debt, then about him getting more loans or credit cards or betting again. Now it seems to be about anything and everything.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Hi there
What you are feeling is a strong sense of betrayal and your feelings are a non stop battle with your self to resolve the serious issues
I know the feeling it is totally exhausting and causes burnout of you but not always to the person who caused your dilemma if anything sometimes they fate better than you
Get professional help as a couple it’s the only way and use everything on here as well but stop beating your self up it will affect your long term health Best. MH
@i7r9twun1f thank you for you response and reply. I appreciate it.
Hi Bluecat i’m sorry you’re going through this. My husband is a compulsive gambler, he came clean 4.5 years ago. I do not have a history of anxiety but I was an emotional wreck back then. When he was confessing, it felt like an out of body experience as if I was looking at the two of us talking. It’s so hard to explain. I would call it trauma. The thing that helped me cope the most is keeping an open, honest and sensitive communication with my husband. While I recognised that compulsive gambling is a disease, I also was honest about how this has affected (and still does) mentally. My husband made every effort to help me feel reassured (ie he gave me access to his credit report, bank account, Monzo etc). I manage our finances, he does not have access to our savings. I also went on therapy sessions to focus on my own healing. A lot of people also found GamAnon helpful. Please make sure you get the support that you need whatever is right for you.
Not sure what happened but my reply didn’t post so let me try to rewrite!
Hi Bluecat sorry you’re going through this now. I don’t have a history of anxiety problem but my husband is a compulsive gambler and he came clean to me 4.5 years ago. I remember when he was confessing about it, it was like an out of body experience. As if I was looking at the two of us from outside, as a third person. It’s difficult to explain but I would call it trauma. The thing that I found helped me cope was keeping an open, honest but sensitive communication with my husband. And what i appreciated what that he did his best to try to reassure me (gave me access to his credit report, bank account, monzo etc). I manage both of our finances and he has no access to our savings even though he earns so much more and brings in more money into the account. I also had therapy to focus on my own healing. I know a lot of people find GamAnon helpful too. Please make sure you get the support that you need. You need to heal too. I wish you all the best.
@pep1952 thank you for taking the time to reply and your advice.
@7g0y5et29c Hi Bluecat
Sorry to hear all you have to say. The advice above is all good and you can seek comfort with gamcare community who know on may levels how you feel.
As a mither of a son that gambled for 9 years , I know the path of destruction and pain caused for all. Think my rick bottom.was not my sons. We want to save people but we can't. They have to surrender themselves.
When I stopped rescuing with money was when it was harder on him but easier on me. Important to keep talking as communication can become fractured. You don't want them to go underground. But you also need to communicate your feeling and strain you are under because of it.
Gordon moody charity helped my son and save this soul.
Monzo is a great account with great blocks .
Look after you as you need to be strong when your partner really needs you. Call helpline, use chatrooms to offload . You are not alone.
Hope all goes well for you, I really do.
Patsy
ONLINE PEER SUPPORTER
Hey, just read your post. I can feel what you are going through. The anxiety is awful, it’s as others say the betrayal, the fact you’ve been deceived for so long. Everything you’re feeling is valid.
The anxiety around trying to control the uncontrollable.
From personal experience, I needed help straight away, in order to even cope with day to day tasks. I spoke to my gp, and he helped me short term.
I am currently in another support group for spouses of people with other addictions.
I must say having that peer support group has changed my life, just having people around you who are where I am in life, and have the experiences I have, has made the world of difference to me. I know myself, I feel like if I confide in my friends about what was going on, that I couldn’t be fully honest, as I’d feel so stupid about my partner being an addict. Having a support group, makes me(even if it’s only for 1hr a week) centred and helps the rest of the week be more manageable.
Just remember, you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it.
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