Hello all
This is my first post/question or questions!
Im looking for advice
First im living with an CG who has taken 10k of our savings. 80% has been paid back but has taken a long time, they also had other debts, have pawned items, borrowed money etc. This has been over a 15 year period. I now have control over our joint money. However, their wages still can get gambled often. This week that was the case, plus £200 of mine that i left sort of accessable. Therefore they cannot contribute to our expenses.Â
They refuse to discuss the 'gambling issue' or seek help. In my opinion this is complete denial of a problem? But they openly say they like gambling. The only response I ever receive is 'im P****d off' - meaning they have gambled far too much im guessing. I would suggest if any money was available it would be gone? I fear it cant ever stop if monies are available?
To a degree i can handle them gambling with their money but not if im paying for food and bills etc when they have had a wage. I see this as a waste. We have different values around money!
I feel they have no idea of the impact this has on myself - I just dont like them gambling and i hate the fact that hard earned money is being given to a slot machine. They never gamble to win. I can deal with most of this on a day to day basis, however, I worry more about the future and even if Im no longer alive. We have a joint home therefore if I died this would automatically go to them. I would prefer my half to go to the children as I believe (although they say different) any procedes from a future sale would be frittered away gambling. I tried to broach this by suggesting changing our property from a 'joint' tenancy to a 'common tenancy' so I could secure my half for the children. This did not go down well and I was made to feel like I didn't trust them. Obviously were gambling is concerned trust issues are a huge factor.Â
On a positive our relationship is really good but I find this part is very difficult. I would love them to swap the gambling for something more constructive and I am here to support them with CG and anything else.
This is my first real step to reaching out for help and support so would appreciate any advice.Â
Thank you.Â
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Hello I cant make sense,
Welcome to our forum and thanks for sharing your experience.
It sounds like you’re really keen to support the person you’re living with but also feel trust has been affected because of the gambling. I imagine a lot of others reading your post will be able to relate to the worries and frustrations you’ve described – especially when a loved one can’t or won’t recognise that their gambling is causing harm.
In particular, I can hear the financial side is concerning you and you’ve been thinking about the future. You’re right – it is much harder to stop gambling when money is seen as ‘available’ and ‘spare’. Sometimes people who gamble will hand over their wages to their partners to help with this. This is only a temporary solution but making money less accessible allows some breathing space if someone is perhaps going into ‘autopilot’ with their gambling. I appreciate this may be harder for you as your partner refuses to discuss the issue.
It can be very frustrating to feel your partner doesn’t understand how this is affecting you. We offer support for friends and family members and I wonder whether you would like to chat to one of our practitioners through one to one support? You can phone our Helpline on 0808 802- 133 and get a referral if you would. This could be a chance to talk about the impact this is all having on you and think about ways you can help yourself.
I hope you can keep using our forums to share what you’re going through – they are really nice, supportive space.
All the best,
Claire
Forum Admin
Hello,Â
Thank for these words.Â
I have made contact to speak with one of your practioners
Im looking forward to 'making some sense'.
But also, looking for to discuss with others who are in a similar position. Currently I really believe my CG doesn't want to stop and I do not want them to stop for me. I want them to not take 'sneakily' and to not risk and lose monies that are a part of their shared responsibilities. To me this only states 'it' really is a real problem.Â
Thanks again.
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