I will keep this as brief as possible. I found out my wife was gambling for 4 years, losing £600 a month in November 2023. In this time she was also borrowing money from her mother to cover losses, but telling her mum the money was for bills we were struggling to pay. When I found out, my wife refused help, and swore me to secrecy, and at the time threatened that if I dared tell her mum, she would leave me. The last 10 months of the relationship since the revelation were volatile. I lost trust and was trying to convince my wife to seek help as our relationship suffered, but she withdrew and never sought the help.
Fast forward to today, my wife left me in July. She said we were "incompatible" and she had been unhappy for a long time after 18 years together, 3 kids, and marriage (married 2 years ago). It was a silent discard, I had no inkling she was going to leave me, and she wasn't open to talking about potential repair or resolution. She left, and shut me out completely as though I didn't exist anymore. The truth is, I never fully believed she had truly stopped gambling without the help, as she was doing it every day for 4 years and losing a lot of money, I realised it was probably almost impossible for her to simply stop. The emotional distance and her withdrawal from me only added to my suspicions in this time. I can't shake off the feeling she has left me, and it is heavily related to gambling.
I am worried about her, and not just her, my children. I have NO concrete proof she is gambling beyond a strong instinct I cannot shake, but if she is, I am worried she is going to get herself into serious trouble and it makes me worry about my children in her care. In January, she said she was suicidal due to guilt (this was 2 months after she had supposedly stopped).
Would I be doing the right thing in letting her mum know about what has been going on? My thinking is, I need to know someone else who cares about her is aware and can keep an eye on her, or will it just cause a lot of hassle and conflict? I feel like it is almost a responsibility now, but I understand to my wife it might just look like a spiteful act of revenge or something, due to her leaving me. That is not my intention. I currently have no way of knowing what she is doing, how she is coping, or what is going on.
Thanks
Personally, I think it’s her choice who she tells.
There is a lot of shame in gambling addiction and telling people takes time and she may never tell some people.
Could you have the children in your full time care if you are worried about the impact of gambling on them? That way you will know they are safe and well and you can focus on rebuilding your and their lives free from gambling harm.
@zy9dksawg1 The problem is, she won't admit it was ever a problem in the first place, and certainly denies it is still going on. I am convinced however, there have been so many red flags, and now she has me out of the family home I can't help but worry the driving force behind her blindside in dumping me was to conceal gambling. I have no hard evidence!
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