Where do I even begin. First off I hope I'm using this right, new to this forum stuff and wanted to share my story and hopefully get some guidance on what I should do.
I'm User11, I am a compulsive gambler, I'm 19, from England.
My story with gambling started when I turned 18 last year and it started as you'd expect, innocent, just put some money on the NBA games here and there, put some change on a parlay, spin some £0.20 spins on a fun looking slot, harmless right?
But before I knew it I was placing larger bets on those NBA games, staying up until late at night spinning slots, experimenting with the live casino games, etc. I'd find myself then getting hooked on said live casino games, playing online roulette until early hours in the morning, not sleeping, sitting on the toilet for hours just playing and playing, but yet I wasn't losing a ton of money, I'd even have some decent wins, by no means did I think I had a problem or would I have ever thought I'd be where I am today.
Then I tried blackjack, that's what got me really hooked. Started off slow, small bets on online virtual blackjack, at the live tables, nothing crazy. Then, a little down the line it was around June/July last year, I started depositing larger sums of money, £500 here, £1000 there, playing bigger, for longer, losing a lot. It got to the point where I had lost the majority of the £5000 I had saved from working part time through school, and one day that summer I found myself sitting at my laptop, with my last £500 on a hand at the blackjack table. I lost. My first time losing everything. I broke down into tears, flooded with panic & disbelief, I spoke to my sister about what had happened, I self excluded on all online UK casinos for 5 years & swore to never gamble again. Never. Right?
Wrong. Come August/September time, I learned about online crypto casinos after seeing videos on YouTube,. And before I knew it I was back at it, making some money, losing that money, making some more money, losing that money. I had finished college that summer so had all the free time in the world, but not enough money. So I opened a credit card, approved for a credit limit of up to £3500!? "That's great" I thought, only chose a credit limit of £1500 though, I didn't imagine myself gambling and losing £1500, but that's exactly what happened. What now? Overdrafts! I had been approved and opened multiple overdrafts with the banks I was with, around £1100 in total. Lost that money too. Then received a pre-approved offer for £2400 in financing, why not! I also lost that money too. All from gambling and playing blackjack on online crypto casinos. Over that period of 2-3 months from August to October I racked up around £5000 worth of debt. £5000. Bear in mind I was in-between jobs at this time and was looking for full time employment since finishing school, job hunting desperately, so I had a way to pay off all of these debts.
I finally landed a retail job, after what felt like an endless search, a way out. I started this new job November of last year, working as many hours as I could get, 40 hours removed link Over the next months I worked as much as possible, repaid debts, worked, repaid debts, etc. Not without still gambling though, for the first month or so I didn't gamble, I had no money to and a stack of debt to clear, but after that I was clearing debts, had a little money to spare, and before I knew it I was back in it. I'd get paid, immediately buy crypto and deposit my pay check online, lose it within minutes if not seconds, have nothing yet again. Then open up another overdraft, another credit card, borrow some money from family, sell anything I had that could be sold, if I didn't have anything left to sell I stole to get money to gamble, lost it all of course, and the cycle repeated itself over and over. Until a couple months ago, after enough overtime, enough night shifts, enough chipping away I was close to clearing all of my debts, almost free.
Then, I did it. Repaid the last of my debt. Freedom. Right? Wrong again. I didn't feel free, after all of that work, all of that time and energy, a year of my life, just to be back at £0 again. So I stayed in the cycle of working, getting paid, trying to recover and chase losses so I felt like I had something to show for the past year of my life, lose all of my money, so on and so forth. I decided this was it. I'm done. Handed the money over to my sister so I didn't have access to it, closed crypto friendly bank accounts, closed crypto exchange accounts, the whole lot.
I had money for once. I felt happy for once. I did it. But it wasn't enough, that safety and happiness lasted about a week, I wasn't even yet, I wasn't satisfied yet, even though all I told myself was that I needed to get back atleast £10K and I'd stop. I didn't stop. I asked my sister for my money, made up an excuse good enough to convince her I didn't want my money for gambling, and over the span of the past week and a half I lost everything, again. Every single penny. Debt free yes, but back at £0 again.
I can't go into detail about or talk about everything, some things that happened along the way are too long to get into, it's already taken me long enough to type this 10,000 word essay and after typing a summary of my story with gambling for so long I'm starting to feel upset again, shameful, regret, the whole lot. So I'll end it off with this.
I'm down approximately £20,000-£25,000 all time over the past year and a half, I went to my first GA meeting this Tuesday, I know I have a serious problem and I want to quit, I need to quit, but that loss of £20,000-£25,000 is eating away at me, having nothing to show for a year and a half's worth of work is eating away at me, I want to keep going and try to get even by some miracle, or atleast get back to £10,000, but I also want to stop for good. I know that even if I do get back to £10,000 I still won't be satisfied, I don't know. I feel lost, confused, angry, upset but still emotionless, I just don't know anymore. I wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully get some feedback on what I should do, what the next steps are, I need help.
Thankyou.
Hi User11!
kudos for coming here and writing such a personal, in-depth and honest first post.
your story could literally be mine and so many others on here. I know how hard it is to finally stop. Like ACTUALLY STOP and this time sticking to it.
I am on here today, 12 days GF because I want to gamble so badly. I literally don’t know what to do with myself. Your post is the first I’ve read today and it’s helped me. I hope I can repay you.
listen, I said my story could be yours, we’re the same you and I in our fight to get this wretched addiction in check but you know where we’re different. You have lost 20-25k, I have lost probably more than £250k. You have been gambling for 1.5 years, I have been gambling for more than 20 years and most importantly you have youth on your side!
If you don’t stop, it is likely you will end up in the same situation as I am. You’ll be pushing 50 regretting the last 30+ years of your life which you cannot get back. You can always make more money.
User11, here’s my advice to you.
1. Relinquish your finances again, at least just until you’ve got past the hardest first 4 weeks.
2. put every block you can in place (if you haven’t already. Gamstop, Gamban, Sense, close PayPal accounts and any other Ewallets etc.
3. Whilst you are feeling low, like right now, record a video message to your future self. Cry scream, explain the terrible financial situation you’re in and how much time and energy you e wasted. Tell yourself how exhausted you are, if you haven’t eaten, slept etc. Remind yourself of anything/ everything you’ve done in the last 1.5 years that you’re ashamed of. Finally tell yourself that if you’re watching this video, it’s probably because you’re considering gambling… and then BEG yourself not to do it. End the video recording and watch it everytime you feel weak. It’s the most powerful tool I have right now.
4. Start a diary on here. Come on here every single day (especially in the early stages). Write how you feel, the good the bad and the ugly and then head to the new members intro forum and read the daily posts of despair.
5. Try to get counselling of some kind, anyone that you can talk to. Gamcare has a 24/7 call centre. There are daily chat rooms here, they can sort out 1-1 counselling.
I want to see you fight User11. You are clearly a very smart, intelligent, articulate and quite funny person that’s full of soul. I know you e got it in you to come out swinging. I’ll come on here daily and check in on you. For tonight, thank you for your openness you’ve really helped me.
Em x
Mate well done it can get whole lot worse i have lost in the region of £150k plus and it still haunts me am on day 704 bet free like u im debt free and have little saving and i still have regret others have lost alot more so it could be alot worse am 45 also suffering with health issues and that money could have come handy now in a couple of years u could make that money back you also have your youth it tough byt it is possible i wish u well my friend👍
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