Hi everyone. I joined this site 8 years ago but I felt a new introduction was necessary as I have been inactive for about 7 years...and my story is completely different to my story in 2012.
Hopefully it helps one person out there stop and listen as sadly I didn’t, despite reading and listening to wonderful stories from people that lost far more than I did and stole from family...at least I can look back and think I only lost my money.
In 2012, there was much to celebrate, I played a very lucky (and crazy) series of games of roulette over 2 days and won over £32,000 so somehow I had won all the money I lost since I started gambling 2 years prior and won money on top.
I remember I withdrew A lot on day 1, on the second day, I was only able to withdraw £18,200 and this left £3500 in my betting account until I could withdraw the next day. Sadly I did gamble and lose this but I took the right next steps...I didn’t cancel the £18200 withdrawal, I waited until I seen the money go in my bank account, I contacted the gambling site to close down the account, had a savings appointment at the bank where I moved a lot of the money into a fixed ISA and a fixed bond and I think I joined this site around the time.
I looked into GA but didn’t get around to going for another 3 months.
So I suddenly had the most money I ever had, about £45,000. However I was still not happy mainly due to my job where I was working part time in a job I had since I started university.
I briefly dated someone and I told him about the gambling and how I was feeling about the job situation, and he encouraged me to attend the GA meetings. I was able to find one about 30 minutes from my house at 7 pm - 8 pm on a Friday.
The first I attended was good. There was another new guy who attended encouraged by his brother to attend. He said he lost about £1000 and didn’t think the meeting were for him. He didn’t come back the next week but hopefully his story turned out better than mine.
The second meeting I was asked to say something and shared some of my story but the leader of the group interrupted my story around feeling lost without a full time job and said that didn’t matter and I was very hurt by that. The next week I was scheduled to work until 9 pm on Friday so couldn’t attend (I also had a habit of swapping shifts with colleagues to attend interviews) so didn’t attend and then never went back.
Flash forward 8 months and it’s the Easter holiday, I have a full time job as a tech support, £18000 salary and rising to £19000.
I don’t know why this caused it to happen but I remember watching the BBC series ‘the syndicate‘...bought over £100 of lottery tickets and won maybe £6.50 🙂
then signed up to a new gambling site and over a week lost £17000. I guess it just seemed like a (very expensive) blip as didn’t try to win the money back, just accepted I was stupid and got on with work and life.
However the gambling soon truly took over 4 months later when I was sacked from my job (I wasn’t very good at it when I look back and I’m lucky I survived 10 months in the job).
I was eventually able to get another job but sadly been stuck in the call centre world ever since - so all the years studying and working part time jobs did not pay off.
So over the next 3 years, I got into a rhythm of gambling all my wages each month, sometimes I would stop for a few months then back to gambling as before.
January 2017 a pivotal point where I lost all my money, and until now I would only bet with my savings, however I had begun using credit cards and overdrafts.
I made a mistake in work, coupled with the fact my sales stats weren’t great so my boss wanted rid of me...so got a final written warning and then my boss was on the hunt for something else to use to get rid of me and sadly found it. On Friday 28th January I believe, he had me in a meeting over it, and looks like it was heading in the direction of another disciplinary and since I already had a final written, looks like I was losing another job.
So Sunday, my boyfriend went out to work and I was at home, within hours I had taken out a £3000 (thankfully the bank only wanted to give me £3000...I applied for £7500) loan and spent it gambling, maxed out £4800 of credit cards gambling and used my full £1200 overdraft...and just about to lose my job, felt like a complete failure....oh and I had just taken a £1700 season loan for travel from work and of course gambled that.
So decided I had to commit suicide...attempted various ways but just couldn’t do it so phoned my parents and told them everything and I am very lucky they bailed me out of this mess.
They gave me the £1700 I could pay back to employer, then they paid the £9200 or so to my bank and they gave me £200 to see out the month as they were just about to go on holiday.
I’m glad to say this is when I truly gave up, I was able to find a higher paid job (still call centre work), paid my parents back the money over 3 years and so far saved up about £38000 - and I’m forward thinking of the future by taking things like my pension seriously and contributing a high amount to that each month.
As a lot say you need to reach rock bottom to truly give up your addiction, or I did anyway. However I guess I have joined this again as I want this to be the end of the story. I don’t want to add more to it in a few years if I think to myself I am ‘cured’ and because I have built up a large amount of savings that I then lose that, as I feel that would be indirectly stealing from my parents who really gave a second chance.
I of course look back and think how stupid I was, I don’t think I’m likely to ever forget or recover from losing such a large amount of money. I also link it to the fact that growing up I was very much a recluse, I didn’t have many friends and I spent many nights in teen years and early 20s at home, so I often think - sure I didn’t create happy memories or funny stories but at least i have this money saved...but I can’t because I gambled it all away 🙁
However very proud of what I’ve achieved, that I’ve been able to pay back parents, granted I had a helping hand as I was living with them until November 2018 and I just paid them the £300 each month and no other money, saved a good amount of money and I feel I am very robust with my salary...I pay a huge amount of my salary (36%) to pension, I save £200 a month to a help to buy Isa, I pay £300 a month towards a work sharesave scheme which I know can be seen as gambling..,then the rest goes to rent and other bills, so at least I could move to a much lower paid job and still survive (although the job I’m doing now isn’t ideal, hopefully that doesn’t happen as quite like the company culture and benefits).
HI brilliant to see a story on here with a hsppy ending, you stopped gambling, paid your parents back, are holding a good job down and saving for retirement. Really really happy for you......lets make this the end of the line gambling wise no matter how bored you get and seek the thrill of gambling dont go back to it you know where it will lead. think to yourself this lovely retirement and hsppy pareif i stay away from gambling. all the best mate adam
Thanks Adam, really appreciate it. I think that’s part of the idea, just even though I haven’t gambled seriously for 3.5 years (lottery tickets but I make sure I only buy one a week And I don’t do it every week - maybe bought 10 in 2020, sharesave), I would never think to myself ‘I’m okay now’ or ‘I don’t have a problem’.
I guess as I realised the £300 a month I paid l to my parents, I got used to not having the money so might as well put to pension. I guess the pension savings are still an investment so gambling in a way...but the idea is just to make money not as accessible.
so I put so much towards pension and I started a lifetime Isa a year ago, I have money in different things where it penalises you if you withdraw or access the cash.
Yep all sounds great mate, smart moves, all the best mate adam
Hi
Its very nice to see you facing the truth in that level of detail.
I feel its what everyone should aim for when they are ready. Its cathartic...its theraputic and honesty is a key factor during recovery.
It helps others and we have to face up our lives, totally free from gambling
Best wishes
Hi, great story thanks and I'm really happy for you now. Do you still get urges and if so, how did you deal with them?
Hi, great story thanks and I'm really happy for you now. Do you still get urges and if so, how did you deal with them?
Thanks. I sometimes tense up when I see an advert on tv or online, especially if roulette as that’s where I lost the bulk of my savings.
i also feel the same when I walk by a betting shop / casino...even though about 99 % of gambling for me was done online.
Sounds like you have low self worth on your post, thats pretty common among us addicts who love to escape and tell ourselves we are no good and deserve it when we lose. You talk about your jobs like there a chore, why not put your time and resources into getting a better one or changing career?
One of the pleasures of regularly attending GA meeting is you hear the success stories, like someone paying off their mortgage or going back to University or whatever worthwhile goal it is that takes serious time and effort, something we could not have as compulsive gamblers as we want instant results & gratification.
It is the secret of the recovery program, how to take an honest look at ourselves and our behaviour. We become more reflective and more patient, we take things one day at a time and open ourselves up to others for help and support. I would always advice people to attend GA.
Sounds like you have low self worth on your post, thats pretty common among us addicts who love to escape and tell ourselves we are no good and deserve it when we lose. You talk about your jobs like there a chore, why not put your time and resources into getting a better one or changing career?
One of the pleasures of regularly attending GA meeting is you hear the success stories, like someone paying off their mortgage or going back to University or whatever worthwhile goal it is that takes serious time and effort, something we could not have as compulsive gamblers as we want instant results & gratification.
It is the secret of the recovery program, how to take an honest look at ourselves and our behaviour. We become more reflective and more patient, we take things one day at a time and open ourselves up to others for help and support. I would always advice people to attend GA.
I can agree with that, I am very much a big procrastinator, and have tried many times to use spare time productively to give up.
I am very happy to work where I work, don’t love the job but the alternative would be working a similar job but earning a lot less, not having a job or within the low skills job types.
There is a lot of progression available within my company - unlike other places I’ve worked - which is great yet I have several failed job applications for other internal job roles. I have made attempts - I have completed a professional qualification and I put a lot of work into the applications yet I still get nowhere...I could be doing more of course but it feels like I’m lost and it would be a waste of time...I know that’s the wrong attitude to take, but I constantly think ‘I could spend 1,000s of hours developing my skills in something but still not get anywhere as my CV would still say no relevant experience’.
I do have low self worth, you are right there.
GA meetings, I am very happy have helped many others but I shared something personal and was shot down so that clouded my judgment...maybe if I continued to go I would have avoided the return to gambling but maybe not.
But just one of my many many regrets in life, after losing that £17000, not going back to GA ASAP, or joining these forums again which may have helped.
"GA meetings, I am very happy have helped many others but I shared something personal and was shot down so that clouded my judgment...maybe if I continued to go I would have avoided the return to gambling but maybe not."
People there may be ask questions of us that are difficult as we are not used to that so it can be difficult, our usual mode is to run away (who do they think they are? why did he accept my truth etc) so when people shoot us down its not to curl up and run away, if we want to recover we should question what they say and start a conversation (not an argument) and be open to changing our mind. Others at the meeting should also be open minded but don't take attacks personally.
If you look back (honestly) at the time and effort you spent gambling, thinking about it, sourcing funds for it, planning for it and you then in recovery devote that time to up skilling for whatever career you want (even if it means starting at entry level) then there is no reason you could not be in an ideal job in 3 or 4 years max. We would easily spend that time gambling our future sown the drain.
You sound like yo realise you need help which at least is a good starting point, most addicts are delusional and it takes hitting rock bottom for them to seek help. Use this and take action now. One day at a time you can do this.
Still gamble free but had a nightmare last night where I was back to roulette and made another high risk crazy bet with £1000s...and I did win but the online casino refused to give me the money.
A few weeks ago, looked into old bank transactions, once I counted it all up, with bank fees, overdraft charges and money spent on lottery tickets, total amount lost to gambling: £96559...I don’t know why I torture myself but I’d rather just think of that number when I ever think of gambling again.
The good news is the help to buy Isa going well, just over £5700 saved with that and lifetime Isa has £4531.
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