A week of revelations

Hi,

I guess it’s he first time I’ve ever taken these lengths to seek help and talk about my problem gambling. After a staggered 4 years of dabbling, I’d say t all started to go terribly wrong over a year or two ago.

I’m a compulsive online gambler and have made some terrible, heart wrenching mistakes in the recent past. This week I have finally told someone close to me about my problems, I thought if I admitted it then I would lose it all - my family, friends and partner, my job. Having kept it to myself for so long, I felt so isolated and my mental health is taking its toll now.

This week has been one of the hardest in my life. Having to accept the state that I have got myself into and face up to the consequences and challenges that lie ahead of my gambling free life.

I am hooked on online gambling, it’s all virtual money, if I win and have a nice win - it still doesn’t feel like I have. Because it’s not instantly physical money in my hands. I struggle because I know if I’m ever in a bookies (which is hardly ever) my views on gambling is entirely different. Putting cash in a machine makes me think differently.

My highest point is having £18k waiting to be withdrawn. I’m now at my lowest point now having £30k worth of debt hanging over me. Was it worth? Absolutely not!

This week I have:

- Closed down all my accounts. Already had registered with GamStop.

-told someone close to me and have seeked professional advise.

- Registered for 121 counselling, this should start soon hopefully.

- started creating a debt recovery plan.

And have completed Day 1 GF yesterday.

Reading these forums has been overwhelmingly helpful to me, as I’m not alone and at the same time, every situation is different. I’m feeling much more positive than this time last week and filling the voids of my habit by reading through everyone’s stories and reading books on recovery.

Thanks for taking the time to read mine, I hope this is the first step to the next chapter in my life. I can only go up from here.