Hello,
I have been a compulsive gambler for many years - started when I worked behind a bar aged 18 and now I'm 35 have had a serious problem for at least 10 years now - I gamble everyday without fail on mainly horses and football but don't generally lose that much money however my new problem is gambling on-line slots (which I tend to do after drinking alcohol).
I am badly in debt and have recently increased my overdraft to the maximum and have now used all my options with friends and family after borrowing lots of money off a number of close people to me with the sincere intension of paying everyone of a.s.a.P.
Once again on Friday I was totally stupid and after returning home from a night out (drunk) worrying about how I could afford to pay the events I have planned for this month decided to gamble and blew £300 over three sites where I had set a limit of £100 and then went on to w**********l where I was able to keep depositing using paypal until I lost another £1000 - I felt suicidal and it was only the thought of others having to clear up the mess that made me stop.
I had less than £300 in my back account which was required for a number of bills, petrol and other expenses - the money which Paypal and other companies will try to take will not be in the bank and I am worrying about the consequences.
Now I don't know where to go to sort my finances - there are sites like paycare who offer debt management plans but because I need money now to pay debts to friends and family (some of whom I cannot face telling that I have done the same again) and to cover me for the month I'm not sure if this is the best option.
The only option I therefore feel I have is to take out a loan but I'm worried about re-payments with all the other expenses/debts I currently have but this could be manageable over a prolonged period. My other concern is I can't face telling my wife who has threatened to leave me if I didn't quit and with children next on the agenda there will surely come a time I need to show all my outgoings.
I understand I have a severe problem and will do everything I can to address my gambling problem but if anyone could give me advise what direction to go financially it would be greatly appreciated.
Kind Regards,
Craig Edwards.
Hi Craig
It's a difficult situation mate, but you need to speak to someone and asap before it gets worse. Seeing as online gambling is your poison, it would be worth getting gambling blocker for your phone. There are apps like k9 which is free, or netnanny (which I use) and it's fantastic. It's £40 for the year and can be downloaded on up to 10 devices. I higihly recommend it. But you would need someone to set a password on it for you. The truth does set you free mate and the more people that know, the easier it does get. I never thought I'd tell my whole family about my gambling but I have found so much strength from it. Coming on here is massive so well done for that but there is help at hand but that's only if you want it.
Good luck
Hello Craig,
You've asked where you might go for financial/debt advice... some of our forum users have posted positive feedback about using free professional debt advice services like the National Debtline 0808 808 4000, StepChange 0800 138 1111 or PayPlan 0800 280 2816. There are other services detailed on our links page: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/about-us/links-other-support-agencies
You said that you had suicidal feelings earler in the weekend; if the stress you are experiencing is leading you to have suicidal feelings, you could talk with your GP about that, and about any anxiety or depression you might be feeling. You could also talk with your doctor about your alcohol use if you believe it is an issue for you. You could also talk with the Samaritans on their freephone 116 123 http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
You mentioned that you've had a serious gambling problem for at least 10 years. You're welcome to call us on 0808 8020 133, so our advisers can share support and information with you, for example we can facilitate referrals to local free counselling appointment services, if you'd like the support of a therapist to help you overcome your gambling problem.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Thank you so much for your comments "brummyboy" and "forum admin" - I really do appreciate the help and whilst I still feel really down at the moment I'm determined to stop this time and will do everything possible.
I have decided that I am going to apply for a loan (over a long period to cope with my payments) and agree entirely that it is good to talk to people, it certainly helps. My problem is I have made promises to everyone before which I haven't stuck to and therefore I'm going to stick to my plan of stopping and after a period of 4-5 months if successful will then come clean (at least I will know I am not making false promises if I have succeeded for a decent period).
Brummyboy - I will certainly look at using Net Nanny if you recommend this and would be happy to speak to my Mom without divulging all details to set a password for me.
Forum admin - The only time I ever feel suicidal is after bad period of gambling losses which make me feel worthless and I therefore need to address the gambling before anything else. I have previously seen a councilor from Aquarius but as I could only make certain times (evenings) had a bad experience with a number of the meetings being cancelled by the councilor which ultimately leaded to us loosing contact. - This time as am I trying to keep this from people for the time being I will use blocking software and this site to try to get me through.
Thank you both again for your time and I hope one day in the near future I will be in a position to offer advice like what you have done for me to others.
Craig.
Hi,
I have read your posts a couple of times. In some ways i feel you are robbing Pete to pay Paul without actually getting to the core root of the issue. In other words a loan will sort me out
But
You say you have been a gambler for 17 years and i am curious as to why things will be different once a loan is applied for.
It seems a rather short term solution. I can relate as i went the same way until there was to much month at the end of the money and ultimately i fell through the gambling trap door.
Best wishes
Have to agree with bal. a loan will only help u financially short term, plus in your mind you will think that any spare cash u may have you could use to try and pay of your debt, I went there I didn't need the loan but had one to put back money I had borrowed from my account which my partner looked at now and again 10,000 loan cost me 11.000 in the end and the daft thing is I already had that money!! And I still gambled!!! It was by pure wrecklessness on my behalf he found out and I had no choice to come clean, but like bal said the more people know the better I agree and am much happier knowing others now know. As for your family finding out again because you promised then you got 2 chances they will either support you again, or walk away but no support will not stop you gambling you need support Hun trust me this is my 2nd attempt at giving it up the 1st time I did it alone this time I'm more confident with support I'm on day 29gf I hope it stays that way, I've gave full financial issues to my partner my wages in to his acc everything, in return I have a allowance. To me right now that works money is evil good luck Hun this site has helped a lot keep posting red xx
Thank you "Bal" and "Redbar" for you comments.
I totally agree with you that taking out a loan is only a short term measure and does not address the root cause but after much deliberation and after speaking with payplan i have still decided that a small loan to cover my new debts and pay my upcoming bills was the best option.
I was so tempted to take out a slightly higher loan to leave me extra money for the month but agree that by having extra money available i would be highly likely to use it for gambling so have kept it to an absolute minimum for current outgoings only.
In my head i am totally committed to stopping although without even thinking about it i constantly click onto the betting sites on my phone and whilst at work (even though i have no money to bet with or any intention to) it is just something i have been doing on a regular basis for such a long time it has become a massive habit.
Redbar i agree that speaking to people is definetely the best way to cope and know my family would still be supportive (although i'm not sure about my partner) i just feel as though i have already let them down so much i want to prove to myself first that i can stop before confiding in them.
It is probably evident by my messages that i still have serious doubts i can stop but i'm hoping that by having no choice by not being able to gamble this month this will give me time and hopefully more mental strength to keep it up when i get paid next.
Thanks again for the advise and wish you both the best of luck with your journeys.
Stay strong keep looking and reading on this site red xx
Thanks red, I fully intend to. Congrats on going a month gf, I will be so happy if I can get there x
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