After 16 years of destroying my life through this habit I find myself here to start a new chapter in my life, I have a decent job & have nothing to show at the age of 30. I've been unable to hold onto relationships as gambling in my eyes was more important & lost the person who I loved who brings up my 2 young children without me. I've hurt a lot of people along the way. I've blown around 100k & it makes me feel sick. I don't know what a normal life is like but I'm determined to change that.
It all started when I was in my childhood days when I was introduced to penny machines. Long story short I visited every few months which at the time was a bit of fun. At the age of 16 I got myself a job & with my first wage I spent it all in an over 18 fruit machine arcade with no challenge at all. I got a buzz from both gambling & the fact I shouldn't even be in there, I spent every Friday for the next 2 years wasting my wage in the same premises, I was even stealing from my family to visit more often. At the time I didn't see how destructive this addiction could have on my life & I quickly moved onto online gambling as I was now legally old enough to gamble, I said to myself I'll win back what I've lost since gambling & that I would stop, this where my thought process was completely wrong & it took over my life in a matter of weeks.
I was taking out multiple pay day loans to fund my addiction as I always kept on saying to myself one last time, at one point I had a payday loan out with every loan company on high street & a 2k overdraft at the age of 18, as the months went on I started to struggle financially however I continued to gamble. With no payday loan options left I then moved to obtaining phone contracts to sell the phone & raise cash to fund my gambling. I look back at times where I would refresh my bank account every 10 seconds at midnight waiting to deposit online, then to wake up on payday morning with nothing left. This routine happened for years, I self-excluded then moved onto the next site on my next payday , I'm now excluded from every uk gambling site for the past 12 months which went in my favour & my gambling decreased dramatically, I still felt the need to gamble & took an interest in sport betting which I thought I was able to control in the bookies, however all the winnings ended up in the FOBTs.
About 4 months ago I came across a site which was fairly new & on my first small deposit I built my balance up to 20k , I felt on top of the world & had started to make plans with what I was going to do with the money, the car, a deposit on a house, repay the people who I've hurt, I thought my life was sorted. 48 hours later I had nothing left as I reversed the withdrawal. I've been feeling at the lowest in my life since this time & have always found a way around the barriers in place to prevent me from gambling since then in the hope a big win reoccurs.
This year so far has been my worst yet with not a penny to my name & the realisation is kicking in as I don't have to live my life with nothing. As I type this from my bedsit it's made me feel very emotional & helpless when I look back at the relationships I've ruined, the friendships which I’ve lost, the things I missed out on such a holidays abroad with friends & the essentials in life which don't have. Most importantly I ask myself why have I been so selfish by putting gambling before my kids.
As I read other posts on the forum it reassures me that I'm not the only one where gambling has become a serious problem in their life & that I can relate to many of what others are going through.
This is a new start, a fresh start, what's happened in the past I know I can't change but I can make changes now which will improve my life, although I'm dreading payday in a few days time
Day 1
Hi stephh,
I don’t know how someone who never knew anything, but the life of a gambler picks up the bits and builds up a courage to change that. You have my upmost admiration for trying to do so! To tell you it would be easy is wrong because it won’t be. But you can change if you want to. 30 is as good as any age to start over, but don’t forget your past because it will come back to hunt you and you need to be equipped to deal with it. I had nothing to show for at 30 either and I wasn't even gambling at the time! Throw at yourself every possible defence you can think of. Self-exclusions on and off line, gam block software, internet restrictions via the provider, live if you must in this forum, reach out to every help you can get professional, friends, family and random people on the internet here. You’ll need it all. I wish you all the best at this difficult time and looking forward to read your successful story!
hello, I have alot of compassion for you right now. You can do this. Much strength to you. tara2
Hi stephh if you can, get someone to look after you money/finances. Online blocks such as k9,gamban. Self exclude and go to GA. Call gamcare. Good luck!
Hi everyone !
Thanks for all your support, I've really educated myself over the past 5 days on the devastating consequences of gambling after reading so many stories, It's now payday, I've set payment plans up with my creditors & have a clear plan on how & when I'm going to be debt free, Iv'e made an effort to get into contact with friends who I've been avoiding for a while & I'm feeling really positive about life & have things to look forward too. By now I would be seaching the internet for a site which I'm not excluded from, emptying by bank account & regretting life in the morning, I don't feel I could ever put myself through that again. Before I leave the house tomorrow i'm leaving with any a small amount of cash for the essentials I need to purchase.
Thanks again people , hope everything is working out for you 🙂
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