Ashamed & want help

Hello Dean07 and welcome to the forum.

I'm glad you have joined. You will find this forum very helpful, useful and informative.

You have written that well. You have no answers because it only makes sense to an addicted mind filled with delusion and learned behaviour.

Interesting you saw a friend "win" some money because we were all subject to the subliminal and more upfront advertising that comes with gambling. "It could be you" is actually one of the most dangerous and misleading phrases

Its no wonder people give gambling a go so you are not alone with this addiction which is actually more like a drug addiction.

Now you will learn all about it and reach out for a born again moment of pride in doing the right thing. You dont want peoples full trust but when you keep talking about it with openness and honesty they will start to realise that you couldnt help yourself.

Trust is on a backburner. What you need is humility and honesty to talk through your feelings. Let me just say I dont want my parents trust again...I like their love and understanding that I am doing the right thing...I still report to them that my savings are safe and my bills are paid...Its not about feeling like a baby...its about a total surrender to never be complacent about the power of an addiction that was killing me

Its not a greed or stupidity issue really. You didnt do it with an evil laugh to hurt your family. If anything your addicted delusional mind thought it would help them. They should start to realise that when you talk it through with them.

The first step is you need help because you cant do this alone. The first step is also realising you are truly ready to stop gambling.

There is no shame in admitting you are one of millions who got hooked by this insidious addiction.

Your actions will show your intent. You should be living on a sandwich allowance and you can build some standing bu showing them you are serious about a proper recovery

Gambling is NOT an income scheme. Its not there to top up your monthy wage and never was. Its a random event set up to make the gambling dens money because they have the large mitigated risk fund to make it work......all the risk was with you because they certainly werent risking their rent and food money in exchange.

So please pick up the phone and tell your loved ones what you intend to do to recover...get the words out jumbled as they will be. I understand its hard but addiction is an illness.

They can help you block and you should be doing no transactions without monitoring from family. For a long while my family stood in the bank with me as I sorted out the mess. I wanted that to ensure not one penny of their money was wasted again

One of the exercises is talking through a gambling session from start to finish. To your loved ones it will sound like a story about fairies leprechauns and aliens abducting you...thats normal  because you need healthy doses of REALITY reactions

I promise you there is light ahead. You will look back at that time and realise how ill you were. Thats what so dangerous about gambling in that we feel quite normal while the addition alters our minds into zombies pushing a button or placing a bet. 

Life is much better gamble free. Finances mount again and you live your life with pride and control

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you joydivider

I kind of wished people understand outside of this forum how sick I am, before I was in this situation I didn't believe it, never really thought of it but I never judged. Today I feel like since I've opened the gate of honesty and reached out for help is the day I'm going to be judged and looked down on.

You're correct when it comes down to my parents, it's not their trust I need due to they will always now believe or question "am I gambling" I need their love and support, but I find it hard to talk to them as I know my mothers heart is broken and I've caused so much pain.

I really want this and believe I can do it, I just need to rebuild what I have broken and change my mentality. 

I am really grateful for the kind words on the forum and the live chat room last night by all. 

Day 3 and hopefully before I know it I'll be on day 300... 

Kind regards

Dean

 Hi , Dean07

Welcome to the Forum and well done for posting , and sorry to hear that you have been going through a difficult time.  The important thing is that you have now joined and can start to move forward with your recovery journey . 

Things will be raw and you will be having a lot of remorse and thoughts about the past so it's important to find acceptance of your self and to try to find ways to calm these thoughts. 

Compulsive gambling is an illness and people act completely out of character so try not to beat yourself up about things . There is always hope and light at the end of the tunnel and things can get better each day gambling free. 

Trust will be built and shown through your actions and takes time , you have made the first step and that's acknowledging the problem and wanting to change. 

Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

Could I also give the details for some organisations that can offer some free debt advice.

National Debtline – 0808 808 4000, www.nationaldebtline.org , StepChange – 0800 138 1111, www.stepchange.org

Take care 

Kirk 

Forum Admin 

Hi all

So today is day 4, I went the whole weekend GF and felt great, I spent the whole weekend with full attention on family and could see the enjoyment from them (well that's how it felt anyway) I didn't have that dark cloud over my head of thinking about betting or debt.

I opened up last night to my wife who by the looks of things forgives me and wants to help me. I broke down, the shame whilst telling her hurt me so much but the weight was lifted. I've caused her pain and from now on I will not do that again. 

I really feel that I need to stay positive and gf not just for me but for those around me. 

I really need to talk to my parents now but cannot build the courage to do so, I really don't think they'll understand. The love and support they have given me over the years and it feels like I've just thrown it all back in their face.. I'm so ashamed.

Thank you to everyone on here, half of you probably haven't read my post, half of you have probably never heard of me, but reading your post, reading the replies have massively helped me. Thank you all. 

Regards.. 

Dean

Dean so glad you  took the first step  it is a long road and will be bumps on the you may start to have dreams about gambling and be tempted back it is Normal well it is for me I still get the odd dream or nightmare cold sweats but be honest with your parents and get all the help you can gamcare will help you and chat room is good to if the evening one is to much times there is a weds & fri one 10-11 which a bit easier to tell your feelings take care scotty??

Morning Dean

Positive steps with accepting and confessing, as I think we all realise that out-of-control gambling is a very heavy and lonely burden to endure.

For what it's worth, for me, the greatest thing to be on guard against is complacency from here-on-in.

You sound determined about quitting for good and I've no doubt you will get to day 300 and then day 3000.

Always be mindful about complacency once you're cooking with gas again. Never give in to that inner voice, which will appear from nowhere, at any given time, urging you to have a wee gamble. It's not worth the pain and misery that will follow.

Good luck.

Cheers all, 

Sassaman when that little voice comes, the urge or as scottydogg said the dreams, how do you overcome this??

Today after releasing all my dark secrets has been the 1st day I've felt a bit normal, I've had some thoughts as before like " how much debt I'm in" how am I going to pay that back" but then I think and turn my attention too I've set up a plan with my money, it'll sort its self out now just concentrate on not going back there and on your work!! (kind of talking to myself in my own head if that makes sense)

But if that voice comes and at the moment I feel strong enough to turn it away, but if it comes how do you silence it with your experience??

I've applied for gamstop but they need to verify its me which unsure how long it will take, but like I said I'm strong enough at the moment. 

Thanks again both for letting me focus and vent on here rather than else where 

Best wishes to you both

Dean