At wits end

CW,

Please please dont blame yourself. You are loving mother and trying help your son. You have right by taken over control over his finance. And keep doing so and give him small amount. Obviously he just cant be trusted just now but when he does then little by little let him gain control. He needs to find will power to quit.

But well done for come on here and try find help and relieve your emotion.

I have to admit im was a secret gsmbler and i know secret does eat you up and feel ashamed but please you dont blame yourself.

This gambling disease can get infected by starting gamble little and turn into big and get hooked into.

Some like me is like a relief ie escape reality especially when im all by myself and try (i know very stupid) improve life....obvious not....and some just like the thrill.

Have a read at others people forum and see if you can put a block on his phone or laptop etc....and also questiom his willingness to give up. At the ebd of the day he gets ur help and with all the barriers....but HE needs to have the mentality to give up due all the debts and now unemployed.

Lucy x

Thank you Lucy, I really appreciate your response. The main problem is Casinos apparently. I cannot stop him from going out and every time he does I worry. I really thought we were getting somewhere with him after he asked me to control his finances. My husband and I are close to asking him to leave as this is affecting our other children too (aged 19 and 24). The stress is immeasurable, I cant sleep at the thought of what he might do to himself as he has said in the past that he has felt suicidal. I am not sure how to handle any of this. Do we keep his secret or expose him to his friends and family?

I see, i think you can self exclude from Casino but not sure if you can do in his behalf.

As for exposing him, i can see its a good thing at least that way others are made aware and can help him but at the same time he might resend you for doing so but you only doing for his own good. At the end of the day he needs to learn and cant expect you to bail him out as you got other children to think about.

Sit down and talk to him to get some help. Even go councelling and phone gamcare.. they will be able to advice more.

I kept my secret for so long and when i told my best friend and my brother was finally relief. I did and i feel like im so 2 face for saying...my brother did bailed me out once n i took payday loan to feed my habit but then i realised i cant live like this. Im almost 20 days clean and positive to stay clean. He needs to have that too.

Please talk to him about find the route and his trigger point why he feel the needs to gamble.

He is so lucky to have a so understanding mum..i think my.mum lol would have chuck me out never mind lend me 5k.

Keep your chin up and i think you should also get some advice too and hope this is not affecting your health. I know its so stressfull.

Big hug and come back here are share your thoughts x

Lucy x x

Thank you so much. It is amazing how less lonely I feel already! I just wish I knew how to make this stop or it will ruin his whole life. He is such a lovely boy, my heart breaks.

Oh bless you. Here is a virtual hug for you x x

Im sure he is a lovely boy. These gambling is so silly. Small amount and get you hooked and especially chasing losses.

He needs to recognise how this is affecting him and you.

Lay some ground rules too. You cant and wont bail him out no more..give all financial control to you and give him small amount of pocket money.

Put blockers on phone and laptop. Exclude him from casino bookies and bingo sides. I know its very hardcore way lol especially he doesnt sound he got strong will power.

Then see or phone Gamcare or GA for advice or doctors. And seek help for both of youse.

But explain and show him love too. He probably need you most now and make him feel how much is affecting you. As for me the guilt i damage my husband is really eating me up. Its been 20 days gamble free and my first pay day i didnt gamble.

I didnt use any blockers on phone but i closed all my account. I had a positive mind from day 1 as i NEED to do this for my little family.

Ask your son and you to keep a recovery diary. As thid will help..its in other sectiom ofvthe forum. I write all my emotional down.

Lucy x

Just to update....small steps but my son has now given me his bank card and accepts that he cannot trust himself (but only when he has a drink apparently!). I have insisted that if he is to stay living in our home he has to get professional help...he has done that today and used speaker phone so that I could hear. He possibly only agreed to this as I gave him an ultimatum that I was going to message his friends through facebook and he knows that I would do this. I was calm measured and firm with him and explained that no matter how hard it was I was going to act out these threats if he let me down (well himself down) by not admitting he has a real problem.I even left an empty suitcase on his bed should he have decided not to give me his bank card. I am so relieved that he did as it would break my heart to see him go. Will keep posting updates. thank you

I have to admit I am a bit dubious about threatening to "expose" him to his friends or family. If you think anyone can assist him in stopping then OK but "shaming" him into stopping is unlikely to work.

I am not sure that I would actually go through with this, however the threat of it has been enough to get him to make the call for help so it has achieved something. I have reached the point of sheer desperation so whatever I have to do I will even if it hurts him. He is however a vain and proud boy so I banked on the fact that he would hate them to know more than anything..blackmail I suppose and although I am not proud of that if it works then fine. Also I do not know any of his current friends so hoped maybe talking it through with them might have helped. I forgot to mention that last year a very aggressive lad came to our house looking for my son as he said he owed him money. He was very threatening and I am anxious that he does not borrow again so may be if they knew he has a problem they would think twice about lending him money.

Well done and for your son to take a first step to hopefully a better future. Im so glad it worked and he has realised he cant live like that nor put your family at risk. If shaming him worth saving him, i would do it again and again. I think thats one of my reason scared how people feel about me if they know the truth....

Keep up the good work and can't wait to here your progress.

Lucy x

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Thank you "joy divided" for your comments, it is much appreciated as I am not sure ever if I am doing the right thing! It means so much to have this support I wish I had come on earlier. Fingers crossed but I am also a realist and realise that this will be a long uphill struggle..

Hi CW how are you and how is your son doing. - wcid x

Can i suggest now your son is seeking help.

Try not to keep reminding him of past mistakes you are of course right to be vigilent and relenting as regards his gambling

But sometimes the shame of past mistakes can draw a GC back in the vain hopes a big win will put things right.

your son is still young enough to put this all behind him i did when i was around his age.

And for twenty years plus never looked back.

If it were my child i would put it this way to him son your have a problem you can never gamble agian but what is done is done

In the scheme of things its time to look forward get your treatment become the man i know you can.

forgive him for past mistakes i know that wont be easy, but also let him know you will never drop your guard or help him repay a gambling debt again.

thats inportant.

hope this helps

Hi cw22. Reading your post about your son brought home the pain felt by the partners,friends and family of gamblers. I too am a gambler who has hurt, lied and denied all the problems associated with gambling. We are abedt at finding excuses to gamble, can find money from the least likely of places and convince everyone that we have stopped. I have gambled since the age of 6 and am now in my 40th year of gambling. The urge is ever present. I have very very limited access to my money. I am now using this site to help me through the weak times. Your son can find the strength to combat his demons. Its a hard fight. Keep supporting him and remember that it's a daily battle that can be won.