I'm 38. I've been gambling since I was 21. I've probably lost about £50,000 in total. I've mostly worked two minimum wage jobs (apart from when I was out of work for about 18 months). This is all real and all really disgusting. £2000 in the last month.
I live with my gf who has no idea. She found out I gambled about three years ago. It was horrible. I was lying to her.
But it continued. I'm sick of working two awful jobs and then losing most of it through gambling.
I've installed Gamblock today and I've barred myself from over a hundred high street betting establishments but I feel sick and down and don't think I will ever really go anywhere in life. I see my friends and relatives are all doing well and are quite successful and I'm not. And I think it may be too late. It's shameful and I'm honestly fed up and I wish I never started. I think it was through loneliness. I know so many people. Probably more than anyone I know but have very few friends. I'm so down now that I can't even put into words how I feel.
Hi @x-m
You're in that dark place that we've all been in and at the moment you can't see a way out. That's what gambling does to you I'm afraid, like most addictions. There is a way out I can assure you!
I stopped gambling February 2019 and I literally don't think about gambling anymore. That's saying something as trust me I used to hit the FOBT's hard from the age of 17 onwards (I'm 32 now). I gambled online, casinos, scratchcards, sports you name it. Since stopping I have managed (with my partner) to save for a mortgage deposit and I've had baby girl. My mental health has improved significantly and I'm in touch with my friends more than ever now. I'm telling you this because you need to know that life will be better when you stop. It doesn't take long to start noticing the changes. Even the smaller things in life like stepping outside and smelling the fresh air puts a smile on your face.
Well done for putting blocks in place. You should sign up to Gamstop too to help block any online gambling. If I had one piece of advice to give you, tell your GF. I know it's hard to get the courage to do so especially when you're feeling low yourself but she deserves to know right? Not only that, while she doesn't know you are constantly lying and gambling feeds off of the lies. I can't explain to you how good it feels to have that weight lifted off your shoulders when you come clean and everything is out in the open.
Hope this helps, happy to chat any time.
When you look at yourself I understand what you see and how you feel, but let someone put a different perspective on this for you.
You work two jobs so you are hard working. Imagine if all your focus was on work and not gambling?
You have a girlfriend, ergo a relationship, therefore someone you can talk to. Build and grow that.
You're 38. I know one guy who quit at 71 or 72 and now over two years later he's living his best life ever.
I myself have restarted time and time again, everytime thinking I can't do this climb any more but we get on with it and it gets better. I restarted my career at 31 and I'm thinking of restarting for something completely different at 51.
If I was gambling I wouldn't be able to do it, but when I don't gamble I can do anything, and so can you.
Good work on your start, now find a Gamblers Anonymous group or give Gamcare a call and take it to the next level. You can be around people with a similar story, there's nothing better in my opinion for helping you stay off that bet and turning your life around.
I've said this before but it's true. Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
Chris.
Hi @x-m
I can see you are quite down on yourself at the moment but congratulations on taking the first initial steps towards the long journey of recovery. I am 10 years older than you and can assure you that it is not too late to turn your life around, you've got 10 years on me!
I think sometimes when we are close to rock bottom we feel we want to do everything at once to change our lives instantly for the better. Actually that is totally unrealistic and the thoughts of what we immediately want and the conclusion that it's just not possible can be overwhelming. I have learnt you have to take small steps on the road of recovery and accept it will take quite some time. The good news though is that once you have started the process you note small victories as time goes by. I'm talking about going to bed at night knowing you didn't gamble which effectively means you didn't put yourself at risk of losing any further funds you can't afford to lose. I' m talking about the point you know you have succeeded in accepting all losses are gone and there is no point chasing the cash anymore (this one is particularly great as once you've worked it out the pressure and stress drops from your shoulders). And the most obvious sign that you are on a successful recovery is of course getting to the end of each month and realizing you've got more cash in your bank account. About two months in, I seriously thought my employer had made a mistake and overpaid me before it dawned on me that the reason there was more cash in my account than anticipated was because I hadn't gambled anything away!!
Keep on it, you CAN do this.
Hi , X M
I am sorry you are going through a really tough time at the moment, you are not alone. There is plenty of support available to you and you have made a really positive step today by posting this and reaching out. There's a lot of hope and things can and will get better each day gamble free.
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
I would encourage you to make an appointment with your GP surrounding your low mood/feeling down and any other feelings you may be experiencing due to gambling.
Could I also give the details for some organisations that can offer some free debt advice should you require this.
National Debtline – 0808 808 4000, www.nationaldebtline.org
Kirk
Forum Admin
Take a read of the reading I posted a while ago, An addict fell in a hole. Just have a search in the search bar for the words, addict hole fell.
It help me understand how I felt. it might help you.
Chris.
Hi mate....believe it or not we have all been there. Sometimes many many times and its bloody difficult getting over it. Look at Dave 'I've had baby girl' - even I havent managed that although my wife did :).
When you said that you know lots of people I knew exactly what you mean't - my partner can't believe how many 'acquaintances' I have. And she now knows that the bulk of them all come from the bookies. They aren't friends but I miss their company sometimes too.
Ban yourself (I've been through a 15miles radius and banned myself from every bookies I can find. I've told my partner and don't carry my Credit Card unless shopping - as I know I might be using it to gamble again. Ban yourself on-line too which, when you have done it is a massive relief. Even now though I wish I hadn't sometimes so I can bet and start the cycle of losing all over again. Its not easy but you can do it if you are strong.
Good luck mate...its a long struggle but 100% worth the struggle. More time with friends and family, less lies and sneaking off, more money. You can never get back whats gone so you have to forget it - what you have lost is a lot, but believe me, its nothing compared to what I've thrown away and I'm now 62.
Don't be like me in 20 years from now mate - stop now before its too late.
@mickpa it's quite the skill I tell you haha.
Thanks for your message. It's absolutely amazing that you have stopped as you sound just like what I was doing.
I can't tell my gf. We already split up (which was nothing to do with gambling) but no we are back together, it'd be mad to bring it up. Plus I'm too ashamed.
Hi @x-m
You're in that dark place that we've all been in and at the moment you can't see a way out. That's what gambling does to you I'm afraid, like most addictions. There is a way out I can assure you!
I stopped gambling February 2019 and I literally don't think about gambling anymore. That's saying something as trust me I used to hit the FOBT's hard from the age of 17 onwards (I'm 32 now). I gambled online, casinos, scratchcards, sports you name it. Since stopping I have managed (with my partner) to save for a mortgage deposit and I've had baby girl. My mental health has improved significantly and I'm in touch with my friends more than ever now. I'm telling you this because you need to know that life will be better when you stop. It doesn't take long to start noticing the changes. Even the smaller things in life like stepping outside and smelling the fresh air puts a smile on your face.
Well done for putting blocks in place. You should sign up to Gamstop too to help block any online gambling. If I had one piece of advice to give you, tell your GF. I know it's hard to get the courage to do so especially when you're feeling low yourself but she deserves to know right? Not only that, while she doesn't know you are constantly lying and gambling feeds off of the lies. I can't explain to you how good it feels to have that weight lifted off your shoulders when you come clean and everything is out in the open.
Hope this helps, happy to chat any time.
Thanks for your message. It's absolutely amazing that you have stopped as you sound just like what I was doing.
I can't tell my gf. We already split up (which was nothing to do with gambling) but no we are back together, it'd be mad to bring it up. Plus I'm too ashamed.
Take a read of the reading I posted a while ago, An addict fell in a hole. Just have a search in the search bar for the words, addict hole fell.
It help me understand how I felt. it might help you.
Chris.
I'll check it out now. Thanks.
When you look at yourself I understand what you see and how you feel, but let someone put a different perspective on this for you.
You work two jobs so you are hard working. Imagine if all your focus was on work and not gambling?
You have a girlfriend, ergo a relationship, therefore someone you can talk to. Build and grow that.
You're 38. I know one guy who quit at 71 or 72 and now over two years later he's living his best life ever.
I myself have restarted time and time again, everytime thinking I can't do this climb any more but we get on with it and it gets better. I restarted my career at 31 and I'm thinking of restarting for something completely different at 51.
If I was gambling I wouldn't be able to do it, but when I don't gamble I can do anything, and so can you.
Good work on your start, now find a Gamblers Anonymous group or give Gamcare a call and take it to the next level. You can be around people with a similar story, there's nothing better in my opinion for helping you stay off that bet and turning your life around.
I've said this before but it's true. Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
Chris.
Thanks for the great message. It really helped. I know if I didn't gamble or if I now stopped gambling, I'd feel like I could achieve anything.
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