Being honest with myself...

Hi, 

I'm new here. 

DEEP BREATH. 

Only yesterday was the first time I had reached out for real help. I had been in denial about this problem and I need to admit it to myself that this is a problem. I live a perfectly happy life, I have a good job a beautiful baby and a caring partner. My job is stressful and I am always on the go but I wouldn't change it. So why do I give in to this temptation of slot sites every night when my daughter goes to bed?

Having never gambled before in my life this all started on maternity leave as an idea that maybe I could win a little bit of money to help me with the rest of the month being on reduced wage (I KNOW SILLY IDEA) But I did, I won! Aaaand then it started... a Tenner here and there, turns into twenty, thirty - hundreds and in flow the losses. Never winning enough and always chasing. It had got me and suddenly I realised you never actually win because you always put back. 

For the past four months this has gotten out of control only three days ago I lost such a large amount I felt so ashamed. I told myself that night tomorrow I am getting help this has to stop. I have so much good in my life to let this ruin it. 

I reached out to the live chat yesterday who were soo helpful, advised me to put exclusions in place which I did last night. Its early days but the freedom I felt from registering to self exclude and like I was taking back that control has given me a sense of right ok I can do this. 

I'm determined to beat this, getting this all off my chest to let it go and start a fresh.