Hi everyone ,
Very new to posted but am committed to keep coming here as it has been helping , I want to express my feelings today:
End of July I did what I have always done and blew my wages, giving me no money to pay my way, whilst putting this burden on my partner (I know it’s selfish , this addiction is the route). Today is a nice sunny day and because my partners plans everything has come up with having a barbecue for everyone.
My mood is terrible, the guilt anxiety and depression of having a brave face with everyone, normally I would be thrilled with this , enjoying cooking everyone’s burgers on the bbq and being a great host , but of course not knowing I’m going to buy basics for the month is grating on me inside, this shouldn’t be the case right? I don’t need money to have a good time (although I can’t afford the shopping and putting it on my partner)
So even if I could afford shopping for the bbq and for the month , but still be in the gambling cycle sneaking off to put on bets would still make me anxious , missing out of mixing around people and having a good time. Still wouldn’t make me happy.
This is why I want to and intend to quit gambling , we are greedy gamblers , shameful and unaware of consequences that happen.
No money to gamble but 6 days clean and starting my recovery.
Ry
firstly well done for posting. Being able to express and communicate your feelings and frustrations is key to recovery.
we have all been selfish in our pursuit of our compulsion of gambling. You will struggle to find an addict that has not negatively affected family friends or patterns.
i have always found recovery easy straight of a big binge as the wounds are fresh and there are no funds available.
I am 90+ days gamble free for the first time in 13 years. The best advice i can give you is to relinquish financial responsibility to someone you trust and attend GA meetings (on line or in person) refer yourself to therapy for free through gamcare and start focusing on your recovery.
keep coming back keep seeking support
all the best
@tmzpexvh2o. Well done with your post.
I have done what you did today for 20 years. Gambling it all and then trying to put a brave face on it though I was an empty husk of nothing inside due to the gambling.
I am over 100 days GF now and it is so much better. I have had a great weekend of walks with friends and a Barbeque without the guilt and inner shame of gambling.
Trying to put a brave face on it is exhausting. It broke me in the end.
Please be honest with your partner about the issue. And do it quick.
Hand over finances to them if they are willing and reach out for help.
Imagine your day today only that you have never gambled? That will be your life in a few months if you do the right thing and hand over control and ask for help. It isn't easy but it is worth it.
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