Good morning everyone. I am in sunny Dubai. I have been reading this site for a while now and finally want to tell my story in the form of a diary. I am lee i'm 39 and have been gambling my life away since i was 12. I have failed so many times trying to beat the addiction and mainly it's because i have not really let anyone in to help me. So i'm finally here and would like to start a very long diary entering daily inout about my life and begin the journey of rehabilitation and to quit my old life.
I first would like to thank every poster before me, you have been so inspirational to me and reading your posts has helped me have courage to posting here today so thank you. I have admitted now to myself that i am the worst gambler there is. I have a severe addiction and now i need to confide in this group to help me understand fully my addiction and how you all will guide me in some of the tips and tools to recovery. My Diary will be called CasinoLoser what you will read in my up and coming diary will be so familiar to most of you. I have been given so many chances in life and currently i am a director of a 5 star private hospital in Dubai on a very huge salary. Why did i disclose that? well im so lucky to have this chance again and i believe it's time to start my journey to recovery. It has taken me years to finally come to a site like this and tell my stories and hope to show or share my recovery to others and hope to inspire you too. I will start my diary today as it's already DAY 2 of no gambling. Family is aware and i promised myself and them my first goal is a realistic 50 days no gambling (never happened ever in 39 years. Can i do it? well my diary will hopefully help me, so we will see.
My diary is all very true stories and most of them are quite shocking in respect to how much i won and lost in single days, how i was at the top of my empire and where i am at currently today. You might even enjoy the stories because of those huge winning days we all had but then you will feel the pain of the losing days and understand my compulsive lies and cover up stories i used to tell family friends and work.
If anyone can help point me in the right dirction to start my diary and make sure i follow the proper guidelines i would love to share my story and journey to recovery from today. As i im being honest to myself finally, then i promise to be honest to you all today. The diary will not have a single lie in it, mostly confessions and things i need to get off my chest but really the diary is my OWN recovery program. I read the rules of the diary and wont breach any of them. You will see i was very rich at certain points in my life and then at the bottom of the barell in other years and now again got a chance to really give my family an amazing life.
CasinoRoyaloser AKA Lee Diary on it's way
Thank you, sorry for the long initial new member welcome post..
Welcome, Casinoloser. This is an amazing site full of amazing people who all support each other wherever they can and I am sure many of them will post on your diary. You will find Mr Brightside's 2014 Challenge to be very helpful, we all act as a team on there and he writes great weekly summaries. I look forward to reading your diary. Have as good a day as you can, be kind to yourself, and know that you have done the right thing in coming here. Take care. R x
Hi lee and welcome to the site 🙂 well done on telling your family about your gambling problems that is the one thing I can not bring myself to, and stupidly I know it's the one thing that would make me stop! You will find lots of support on here and your diary will be a great motivator for staying gamble free. Have you put any blocks in place so that you can no longer access casinos/websites? Would it be possible to give control of your money to a family member. It really is as simple as time, money, location...you need to keep yourself busy, reduce your access to money and make sure you can't get into those places where you used to lose all your money!
I wish you all the luck in the world. I've been a member of this site since 2011, managed 100+ days gamble free before then went into a cycle of binge gambling. I've just found my way back to my diary and am hoping that I can really put this beast to bed this time!
Lots of love
Shorty xxxxx
Reedemed, Shorty,
Thanks for the replies, yes all sites are closed down, wife has complete control of the bank accounts. This was a major help early on but i always find ways to open new accounts or somehow find a way to gamble online or in new land casinos.
The confession to the family was probably harder than closing the accounts but what a release of emotions that gives, knowing now that family are aware and starting the new life with me. I have stolen recently from my wife and that was the lowest i've gone which is why i am here now. I will not do that again i was ok to lose money to casinos but to take off the one person i love most in the world is just too much and shocking to me.
I do not have a single betting account active and i have probably banned myself from over 500 sites over the years.
My 1st ever diary will start today and i will also read yours and be a regular poster.
My stories are not nice and some will be fully familiar to many people.
I joined the new 2014 challenge as a new member see you there when checking in weekly 🙂
Hi Lee, welcome to the Forum and well done for sharing your honest & heartfelt post here,
Our stories have certain similarities - I gambled from around the same age for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. We are also around the same age and work in similar high-powered environments.
In this time, I lost £350,000, two homes, two partners and all my material possessions, over and over again. It took me a long time to accept that winning money was effectively a form of mental poison - it made me crave more of the same at higher stakes than ever (which invariably leads to losing) and losing makes you face soul-wrenching desperation to regain what you have thrown away.
You are still a young man my friend, you still have a successful life; whatever you have won and lost hasn't prevented you reaching this point - what you have to ask yourself is, what is the endgame? Where do you see yourself aged 49, and 59? Do you want another ten or twenty years of the same? If your job and wages were suddenly compromised, could you stop? If everyone around you suddenly relied on every penny, could you be there for them?
Coming here is a great start my friend. I wouldn't tie yourself down to fifty days because it may put more pressure on your shoulders at this point - ideally, you want a significant amount of time to open up windows where you can see what your life really could be like.
You did the right thing telling your family, well done - it was the right thing to do. Take it slowly, one day at a time; urges are only temporary, they soon pass - find a way, a routine, where you can work your way through them because they will lessen significantly in time.
Well done again my friend. I look forward to reading your diary - you seem like a good person and you have received some positive responses; you can build on this - hopefully this is the start of a different path in life for you.
JamesP
Thanks James you already understand me such a winning start. We are certainly close in age and similar to losses, the only difference between us is im still on my 1st marriage. I will listen to all your comments and please do read the diary it's all from the heart and later on you will see how my houses went to the Casinos too.
Cheers again another post that inspires me.
Hi Casino - > RL
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and yes, what a roller coaster ! in many respects we are alike ! i am a little bit older than you but what is a couple of years ! i am not sure if having a small amount of betting tokens or earning a huge salary for large betting tokens makes a difference ? it does with us however ! it is greed, greed, greed and the highs of winning ! why do we need to bet when we earn good money ? its sick is it not ? well i try not to make you sick anytime soon.
If we win , all it is that we win is more betting tokens to give away when we lose next time !
Lets kick this disease out of our life, we are better/smarter and need to regain control of the only part of our life that is out of control. Keep in touch CRL, i will be watching out for you. Dark Place /
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