feel bad after i have gambled feel bad and anxious when i dont-it started when my partner introduced me to slots in 1996 when i was 40 so its been going on for nearly 20yrs-i have racked up debt that i can never get out of-had big wins and bigger losses. I have had gamcare counselling but he didnt seem interested and spent his time yawning and then discharged me because i broke 3 appointments over the months-one being my father in laws death-my sons hospital admittance and me having appendix out so not avoidance-although he cancelled six with me through his childcare problems. Its the fear of blocking them all off-ive done it in past and was so anxious-its all i think about-my life is c**P-dont get me wrong ive got a good husband and great kids and grandkids ect but i feel gambling is all i have just for me-i neglect things untill they hit me in the face. My husband knows i gamble but he comes from a big gambling family and doesnt acknowledge my problem just says stop it now hun.
i have got to stop and address my problems and debts-i have gambled our future away and feel really bad about everything ive done-i often wonder if ido it to punish myself-even when i win i see it as more time to gamble so im not sure if winning is the attraction for me or just sinking myself into another world-I JUST WANT TO STOP AND NOT MISS IT HELP
Hi roxie, welcome to recovery 🙂
Sorry to hear about your failed counselling, that does not sound like the sort of service Gamcare should be offering 🙁 Have you tried GA? Sounds to me like this would be a good place for you to try. We cannot win because we cannot stop, you are not alone in your habits & GA is full of people who do understand & know the way out of the hole!
You can beat this - ODAAT
thanks Odaat-its difficult for GA meetings because i am so well known in city that i couldnt face bumping into people i know so i chose counselling but it didnt help really-i just need to stop-i was thinking about GA in another area x
One of the key principles of GA is anonymity, no one apart from the other members will know that you've been to a meeting. And the whole point is that they're in the same position. Or go to a meeting out of your area of you prefer.
But if you really want to stop gambling, then stop dithering, stop finding excuses and just go to meetings.
Your situation won't change until you make changes happen.
Wish you well,
CW
I get what you are saying...This is what addiction holds over you! "You dirty little girl, don't you dare let anyone know, what will they think of you, this is our secret, I will protect you!" I've only told my family so it's not my place to preach but as I go further along in my recovery, I am less afraid about people finding out! Thing is, I've found something that works for me so to my mind, unless my recovery starts to falter, I'm not gonna 'fix what ain't broken' but you're not there yet! If you're not ready to be 'found out', travel but consider that this could be like dieting with a family member (I'm told it's easier with support)...There may be someone there that you know but if there is, they are there because they need help & you could support each other! It sounds like a terrible counselling experience but that's not to say a different counsellor would be the same. Can you ask Gamcare about this? You needed to be able to grieve when you went through what you did, not be punished but as with everything, we can't go back!
Why not get across onto the recovery diary section & start your own progress report! You may find it useful & it's certainly a safe haven to come & ride out any urges!
Stopping & recovering are not the same, you need to do both! Figure out how to get your gambling triangle broken & take a deep breath & go for it for the psychological stuff! Apparently you may need to kiss a few frogs before you find a counsellor that works (cheers LB)!
You have to fight but this is one you can win - ODAAT
Hi roxie I first went to a GA meeting on my 20th birthday with my mother along my side. After finally coming out about my addiction I made a promise to myself and mother that I would get help, for me and the person I am it was embarrassing at first, and it did really put me of about going, after realising that it wasn't actually at all as near as embarrassing as the things I had done to feed my addiction I soon found my place in GA and the members are all in this together and you will not be judge for your illness of addiction, GA changed my life and il be forever grateful and I to think I wasn't going to go cos I was embarrassed!! Frost14
thanks people-i have joined 100 day challenge really helpful-i dont think i made myself clear about meetings just say i will lose my job if i go. i am in process of asking gamcare about another counsellor as well-im only on day four but feel so much better to be honest -it keeps fleeting across my mind but took to recording it in diary and monitering what works to distract me. Im determined this time to keep moving on-i cant turn back this time. Appreciate all your help xxxxx
Hello, Roxie,
I can't see why you would lose you job by going to meetings - do you work nights? If so, look for lunchtime meetings. People have certainly lost their jobs for what they've done whilst gambling but not for attending meetings.
Or give counselling another try, perhaps look for another provider? Your GP?
CW
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