Don't think I'll make it to 30

First of all merry Christmas. 

There is so many things I want to reply but first of all you need to be able to hear the hard truth and after taking on board everyone's advice that's to follow you need to want to stop!! Not I'll wait until the new year!!

You're 28, that's young to most! People on here have been gambling as long as you've lived and they've recovered!! They're now realising they are the winners!! They now have their life back!!

There is so much help within gamcare and elsewhere if you need it regarding loans, blocks and support! Just talk to one of gamcare advisors and they will assist. But 1st you need to Want to stop gambling!!

Please take on board all the advice that will come your way, some stuff you may not like to hear but it's the way forward. 

Stay strong, want it and recover!!

Merry xmas

Deano

Hi there,

There is always a hope!!If you reached here it means you want to fight for a better life,deep down you want to change and it’s possibile.

I was gambling for over 11years-I know how difficult it’s is to quit.Days change to months,then you realize how many years had gone in vain.Only the game counts,nothing else matters.But once you break this cycle and you stay away by blocking yourself from playing-the world starts to be a better place.

please speak to professional,read the stories on forum,try to do something differently.

Gambling took so many things away from you.But you can still get your life back.

all the best?

I want to stop. I plan to January 1st, and in order to do that I need to give it my all for the next week so I can walk knowing I tried without any 'what ifs' in my mind. I don't know how old you are, but you have a wife and kids.. I have nothing and I'm only getting older... There isn't a single organisation that can help me with loans, unless they're going to pay them for me, I'm able to talk to them and get low monthly payments but I'm still in debt.. 

I think I just needed to vent. I appreciate the support but nothing anyone says can change all I've lost and it won't change my life at all. Ultimately it's down to me and what I decide to do. I have to accept I've wasted years and wasted money and start again in debt with no meaningful income whilst other people my age actually do meaningful things like raise their kids and pay off their mortgages. I won't be saved with a big win.. life ay. 

Hello, I'm sorry to read that you are currently struggling at the moment, it's been a difficult year for many people.  Just to re-iterate what others have said, you are only young and have a lot to live for so just reach out for support and start your journey to recovery.  I'm almost 3 years GF and got myself out of debt 2 days before my 50th birthday so you've got nearly 22 years on me!   I wish you all the very best.

You said very inportant and wise things:you are the one who can change your life and yes,you lost a lot....but if you stop now the debt will not get higher!

“My what if’s” lastest for so long as I was living in fantasy world,I was escaping from a real life-the family I have(and I suppose to be super happy)till I faced the reality-I’ll never win any momey back,it’s gone forever.But not anymore.

This forum is a perfect place if you want to share any thougts and frustrations.We all ve been there.

In my poor opinion 28it’s a great age for a new beginning.

xxx

This has just been a normal year for me, all I do is stay in my room anyway. 

OkOk I'll agree 28 is still pretty young but then I have to look at my goals.. I'd like to actually have children which means finding someone, which means not being poor and depressed all the time which takes time.. I'd also like you be a youngish dad.. so whilst in regards to life expectancy it's young, there's deadlines I'd like to meet. 

It's possible I could win the lottery.. it's not  likely but it's possible.

Like I said, I plan to go for it Jan 1st

I gave up smoking on 31st dec 1159 pm 2016, i havent smoked a single ciggerrette since then, be warned it will be just as had if not more on the first of jan than now.  I went thru feeling like there were pins in my eyes when i was in withdrwell from the nicotine, i got thru it with my will power/......  Ive also not gambled and i gave up second december last year i done it at the hardest time christmas......  It wont be easy but we will all be here for support..... u can do it......all the best adam

Thanks, I'm hopeful I can do it, just have to see what happens next year I guess.

Posted by: 1punchjamoo

I'm 28, and I've gambled for over 10 years. Lost tens of thousands over the years, (once in a day I lost 28k). I'm unemployed because losing my wages every week after working makes me want to kill myself. Being on benefits and losing my money every month makes me feel the same but at least I don't have to get out of bed and pretend I'm happy. I took out an extortionate loan where I have to pay back 4 times what I got and I could have just paid it off but as usual I got greedy... I almost always win, nicely as well, but like most of us, I don't stop until I have nothing left. I think I'd have killed myself is I wasn't so lazy. I barely get joy from anything anymore. I'm just fed up and don't want to exist to be honest. I buy lottery tickets so I still have something to hope for but let's be real, I'm never going to win anything that will matter. I'll gamble hard for the rest of the year and I'll try to stop in 2021 but if I fail.. I just don't know anymore. 

Have you heard the expression "the brain is plastic"? That means it is possible to learn new things all the time. That it can adapt to new situations. This covid pandemic has given us face masks and I could not even imagine using those until this pandemic became real. The brain teaches us new habits all the time. The reason you are stuck in gambling is that you have been doing the same for so long that you do not know anything else. The way forward is not to break when the cash is gone it is to break before you even get there. It is lack of impulse and dopamine that gets you going together with triggers. The cortisol that comes from your stress is impairing your decisions on what is good for you and that means more gambling but it could have meant more booze or more drugs or more s*x or more food depending on what your choice of addiction is. It needs to be addressed in the beginning so you can change the behaviour that is cementing your addiction and making it harder to break. The more you do it the stickier it becomes. CBT, NLP, GA are only a few of many examples of choice you can use to change. The attitude you need here and now is just to change the idea that you are hopeless and will never get well. 90% of many addictions never go to therapy. People get out of it by themselves. Anyone who stopped smoking knows it can be done. You can kick this habit. You just need to change your mind on how you think about this right now. One day you will be helping someone in a similar situation and you will know how to make that difference. Never give up and never surrender, just make the change.You can do it.

Best

C

 Hi 1punchjamoo ,  

Thanks and well done for posting , Christmas can be a tough time for people , hopefully your day has been alright. Sorry to hear about the situation you have been through , if you have any concerns regarding money / debt then a good organisation to call would be Step change on 0800 138 1111 . They offer advice on debt and money issues and can help your son set up payment plans and budgets .

There's always hope and you can get through this with the right support and help and you have done the hardest thing and most important step by admitting things and looking for support to change and go into recovery.

If you are ever feeling suicidal, I'll advise you to contact the Samaritans on: 116 123, contact 999 - ambulance or the Police, Papyrus on: 0800 068 4141, your local A &E, or your G.P. Or call us on the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

I really hope that 2021 can be a positive on for you and that this is the start of your recovery journey and better times. Please stay in touch and continue to post. 

All the best 

Kirk 

Forum Admin 

@onepunchjamoo

There's this story that goes around recovery groups that if everyone wrote all their worries and problems on a bit of paper, put them into the middle of the room, shared their problems with the group and were asked to choose someone's life to deal with their problems, most people would choose their own.

My point. Everyone thinks they have the worst life, no one understands, I can't do it, no point, and so on, but in reality those of us that are on here have been through it, some are going through it and some like yourself are realising that you need to go through it because you've had enough of your life. Of course you'll get to 30. And 40 and 50 and look back on this point where you turned your life around. The 26th December is just as good a date as the 1st January. 

I had to restart my life so many times, wanting what you want. At 21, at 25, at 30, at 41, at 45 and at 48. It can be done. You just have to want it enough. Put gambling down and good things seem to happen. Life still sends you stuff to deal with but deal with it. Find a GA meeting and meet others like you. 

Good luck to you.

Chris.

Do you want to change your life or not, I mean really change it. Not I hope I win some lottery bs to make my troubles go away nonsense. 

The main reason Im now gamble free is GA. I had a similar mindset to you, always feeling down and full of self pity thinking I deserve this and so on. No win was ever good enough for me and when things in life were on a downer the worse my gambling got.

I started at GA by going and telling people what I thought they wanted to hear but I was soon relapsing and it was not until I got some home truths from a member at a meeting that the penny finally dropped for me. Recovery was all in my hands, if was to be totally open and honest at every meeting and with others in my life then I could cut the c**P and start to stop gambling and turn my life around. This is a slow process but taking one day at a time it can be done, I have a family and just got engaged over Christmas and it is all down to me taking my recovery seriously and taking it one day at a time.

My story is not an isolated one, you will see this at GA, normal people paying mortgages, getting married, having kids, going on holidays etc etc. You to can have those things, anyone can. You just have to be totally honest and committed to it. 

i recognise your user name and your posts i think you have been back and forth here for about 2 maybe 3 years people keep telling you the same stuff and you keep on gambling 

cant you see  you are in a situation where no matter what you do you will lose ? you are broke and depressed how is gambling going to fix either of those scenarios ? 

hint it wont it will just keep making the symptoms worse and worse 

stop mooching about pull yourself together and go work 2/3/4 jobs until your no longer skint i guarantee you , you wont have time to think about gambling then 

Hey @1punchjamoo,

I am also the same age as you and so can sympathise with you. I am also in a lot of debt. I made a plan of all my income and outgoings over the next year (on a monthly basis) and it helps you to see the overall picture and some context. I would recommend it. For me, if I just saw that my bank was empty, my overdraft was £x, and £x in loans etc - it would be extremely daunting. Instead, I made a plan with what I have coming in, how much I need to pay as a minimum each month to keep everyone happy and still have a bit leftover for myself and this seems to be working for me at the moment.

And as the poster above said, there are other ways to make more money. Get a 2nd or 3rd job etc (I am currently working 2 jobs), but getting paid at the end of the month is a lot more fulfilling. PLUS, with working a lot more hours, you simply have a lot less free time to gamble. I think because you are sitting at home just receiving benefits (I am not judging you), you have a lot more free time and this makes the situation worse. When I had a lot of free time, I went straight back to the casinos or bookies. Now I try to fill my free time with working a bit extra and some scheduled hobbies or by making plans with friends in advance so that I simply have less free time where gambling has the possibility to come back into my mind.

Wish you the best of luck and you CAN do this, and you will do this. Just stop giving your money to the thieves - nobody ever beat the casino, and those who did, put it straight back in again. I have chased losses for years, and I know the games perfectly with the best strategy possible, and you cannot win back what you have lost. You have to put it behind you now and move forward, however hard that may be.