Don't Trust Myself

Hi,

I'm here in a low moment, I guess this happens often. I'll try keep it brief.

I'm 41, male, happily married with a little Billy who I love more than anything.

I'm pretty sure my gambling is a side effect of an unpredictable childhood. It's manifested itself in various addictions and escapes - drinking, smoking, binge eating etc

My first issues with gambling were mobile gambling in 2021, I went from sports to slots, the stakes got higher as I chased losses and had the naive mindset that if I play long enough I'll eventually make my money back. I lost my life savings and more (£5k+). I eventually self excluded using gamstop.

I had some flutters on non gamstop platforms but by 2022 I stopped completely.

Flashforward to this year, I don't know what sparked it but I gambled on physical slot machines and over the months it's escalated and I estimate I've lost over another £2k+

All this in secret from my wife. I'm ashamed. It's recoverable but I don't trust myself anymore. I don't like my behaviour. Even now I'm trying to think of ways to make it right and my go to solution is absurdly to gamble again.

How do I truly beat this? I feel so lost, and so low