Failed again, I am such an evil person

Really sorry to hear you have caved in, the gambling devils are completely uncontrollable at times. I know it feels raw and fresh but the loss has happened now nothing you can do. You’ve given up for 3 weeks which is a start, your next goal should be to try and beat that. Keep your head up 

Hi ameliasgran. You are not an evil person. You are a person who has not got to grips with your addiction. For you to get to grips with this you have to make sure that you are unable to gamble, what blockers are you using ? I can't remember your story fully, have you had any help like counselling I've found it really helpful going through everything. I'm never going to take the blockers off as I know one day something will happen and I'll be tempted because I'm an addict I've accepted I am now . I don't want to feel again like you do today, I know how you feel I remember. Get some more help, you can do this pick yourself up and try again, gambling is not the answer. Best wishes and take care

Could you tell your partner now and have some support rather than going through it yourself?

If you think just wanting to stop and relying on willpower alone will work then you will be constantly on here admitting to relapsing. You have to try something different to get a different outcome. That might be you going to a GA meeting. It might be talking to the Gamcare advisers or counsellors but they will all say that it starts with honesty. Honesty with yourself and those nearest to you.

I hope you find the strength to be honest.

Chris.

Hi,

The most important thing to do at this moment in time is keep control of your emotions and DO NOT PANIC!

You have had a setback but that in itself is not a legitimate reason to just give up on yourself now. What is important is how you react now. First things first, you found a loophole. You need to block the site you used. 

Once you have taken the practical action you need to evaluate if there was a trigger that sent you gambling again. If there is, is there anything you can do to avoid that circumstance happening again. 

Finally please don't throw away those positive feelings and emotions from the past 3 weeks as you need them now more than ever. You said yourself that you experienced the joy of a series of happy days and peaceful nights. You can still create a lifelong string of days and nights you won't ever gamble again. If ever you feel the urge to gamble becoming too strong just step back take five minutes and contemplate how happy your days have been, how peaceful your sleeps have been, and anticipate how you will feel if you proceed to gamble, lose, proceed to chase the losses, etc... the knowledge of how you will feel after your gambling spree may be enough to check you.

Stay strong, you're trying to overcome an addiction. It is not an easy thing to do. You've had a setback. An expensive setback. It doesn't mean you can't do this. 

adversity is necessary to build character. keep going my friend.

No your not evil , your on a journey , sometimes you will have setbacks but wow 21 days is massive.

You are not evil. This is an illness. Put Gamban on all devices then you cant find any sites it blocks everything. I xan jighly recommend the 1.1 service offered on here. It saved my life and my marriage  44 days down the road now. Youve done 21 x you can do it

Hi @ameliasgran , 

I am so sorry to read you have had a relapse and that it has made you feel so low.  Relapses can be very common and like others have suggested, you should try and focus on the the 21 days you successfully stopped gambling. 

Try and look at it like it's just a blip, onwards and upwards and start afresh. Try not to give yourself a hard time over this and don't let it hold you back from further success. You know you can do it. And if you do feel the urge again, please don't hesitate to contact the helpline 0808 802 0133 or the Netline because just talking it through with an adviser can alleviate the urge. We are available for 24/7 and always ready to help. 

Well done for telling your story on the Forum. 

All the very best

Keely. 

Forum Admin