I'm in a cycle of s**t. 6 years or so gambling, from poker to casino for the past year. Since the addiction or whatever mindset it is has escalated I have lost I don't know - it's scary how all the occasions morph together seeming endless. All them absolutely miserable end results... Last month, within a week I had lost what spare I had from my wages, about £900+400 from a rare win previously. I waited 3 weeks for payday again (as I have many times) knowing I have to change, knowing that it will be even more difficult to not gamble this time as I owed a lot out and so would be left with less. Of course I'm chasing losses immediately and I get destroyed. To have done it again on the night of being paid really is characteristically corrosive. I am really struggling to carry on. Emptiness and absolutely no will to do
anything. 30 days, 22 of which working full time to get through with nothing.
The misery and feigning to be normal (which I do a bad job of) is almost as bad as the actual loss of money. I am surprised my girlfriend hasn't told me she has had enough, I am not fun or interesting to be around... Without her I'd be in a bad spot. The years of loss and misery has shaped my soul. Why can I not bring myself to put blocks on every casino going? I always thought I played to make money, and I still believe that, but it just never works out. I know addictions lie within the fabric of it all and I have had a few in my short 24 years. In essence I think I know the steps I have to take and so I just know it'll take a genuine desire to to commit suicide until I do something like attend a GA meeting. How it ignorant am I to think I wouldn't really benefit. Or just bone idled and useless.
So yeah, another month of misery, I'm sure the cycle will continue for longer yet. How tragic our single spans of time in this world ruled by a greed for money. I haven't had it as bad as some but I'm still comparatively broken.
All the answers to my attitudes are in this forum I'm sure. Just wanted to post something.
Hi Mate,
Sounds like a tough situation you are in, I have been there also and its s**t. My advice is to go to GA meeting ASAP. I have been to 2 and they have changed alot about the way I feel and think. 11 days GF today. Without going to a meeting I would of gone broke.
Good luck, Stay strong.
I like your post, was interesting and brings up the fact you're not alone. You're not the only one who can't get through a month without doing your money, waiting a whole month promising yourself you won't do it again, then do it again! it's madness. What can you do except brush yourself down and start again. The penny must drop at some point, the beating and humiliation sets in and some strength appears from nowhere to do better next time. The girlfriend doesn't need to know, you need to cheer up a bit though if you want to keep her. There's some great people at GA who can help you, they understand you and what makes you tick. All the best to you.
Hi BeyondMiserable,
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story in our forum.
I’m glad you decided to post here for support, and also to encourage you to do something about your gambling problem. I think you’ve taken a step in the right direction to help with your recovery.
It seems like you’ve been struggling for a long time with your problematic gambling, and you really want to do something about it and change this unfortunate habit that is robbing you out of all the money you ever worked for.
Now is the chance to take your recovery process further. Perhaps you may like to contact us directly for an immediate support on our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers. We have loads of help options available that can work for you, hopefully.
You can also contact us via our Netline: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline
Our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
Please do try and stay in touch so we can continue to support you, and above all, keep posting!
Best wishes,
Beatrice
Thanks for your comments. I just wallow in self pity instead of really doing anything about it. Today I lost another couple hundred which I needed really and fell out with gf for smoking to try and bury my head in the sand from reality after work. I am currently stoned, anxious and very down. On a more productive note I self excluded from a group of the only casino sites I really use. Part of me feels sad for having self excluded which is mental when it has resulted in so much grief. Things are going to get worse.
Parts of what you say I'm sure are familiar to us all, me personally, I've bounced from job to job for years because when I blew my wages I couldn't get out of bed and pretend I was ok so I just quit.. having someone like your girlfriend can be great but it can also make you feel more guilty and ashamed, it's a real catch 22..
Why do you gamble ? You sound like you make enough and you don't mind working, is it the thrill ? The money ? Or like it said just chasing losses? If it's the latter you should probably give up, and just do the lotto or postcode lottery because you can win a few thousand or whatevet but it won't be life changing but if you win a lotto jackpot you're sorted..
You're just gonna dig yourself a deeper hole if you keep doing this.
If you MUST do it, maybe change how you play? I don't know, but I can see you're hurting and you need help.
Ultimately it's all on you but we all know it's not easy. Good luck though.
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