I would do anything to be able to stop gamblimg, to wake up one day and not have that constant sickening urge. Nobody knows about my gambling so each day i am living in a web of lies and pretending that everything is ok. I can't even remember how i used to fill my spare time and get enjoyment from other things. I am completely and utterly ashamed and embarrassed. In the past i could go for some weeks not gambling but would spend all my money on material things telling myself atleast I had something to show for it then would tell myself it would be ok to have a little play as a one off but would end up getting sucked back into the high and adrenalin of winning money. Only problem is no matter what amount i would win, I always end up reversing the withdrawal and losing the lot. I am now in debt and struggling to see a way out. I live a life of constant lies and have borrowed money to reduce debt only to end up spending more money gambling. I can't even say I enjoy it anymore, only that it has taken over my mind and life. After a bad night of loss I have phoned in sick at work the next day to lie in bed all day with depression. I have been reading stores on here for some time but not felt able to post on here myself until now. I really hope i can drag myself out of this horrible place and take strength from other people who have overcome such problems. Today is my day one of not gambling, heres hoping to many more.
hey, today is the first day of the rest of your life. take it one day at a time. i have had a problem for 2 years, this is day one for me, but only because i feel i have exhausted every financial avenue i could borrow from. its left my credit rating in the gutter. family have helped me before. i just told my sister about my current situation about 2 hours ago. because like you it was a constant web of lies.there was tears. she said well "You havent killed anyone, no one has died" and she kinda helped put it all into perspective. yes im in financial ruin but money isnt everything. as long as you take a step to change NOW. not in the future. goodluck with everything, if you ever want to chat i could add you to whats app, because if you feel like me i could do with a buddy for this up and coming battle !! Hayley
Thanks for your kind comments, Hayley that would be really helpful as could do with the support. I had a blip last night, didn't spend much at all and didn't feel anything after i just kept telling myself it was the 'last time.' I have woke up this morning and don't feel the urge to gamble, just hoping i can keep myself busy. So today, again is my day one.
Hi Claireyy57 and snaileyb83
That's a great suggestion from maybenow, to start a diary. Why not also contact us on the Helpline or Netline? You are both at the start of your recovery journey and there's a lot of information and support we can offer. Contact details are at the top of every page of this website.
Best wishes
Forum Admin.
I'm battling this. Last time even though I didn't loose it sunk me into a deep depression for over 10 days. I felt so mentally ill, jittery my mind absorbed with slots. I have wasted half this year trying to beat this, 15 days free again and mentally feel so much better. The longer you go free, life does become better. All the best
So ive spent most of the day doing online slots, not spent massive amounts but still the fact that i have even done it has knocked me for six. Really hoping tomorrow when i am back in work i will have a focus and can start afresh. Really really struggling at the moment.
hi Claire hope today is a better day for you and your work takes some focus off. I'm on day 2 after a long 16 years gambling so appreciate your situation. try and stay positive .. if you need to talk through then happy to support !
Thanks Danny, you dont know how much it means to have some support. I keep trying to pinpoint where it all started to to wrong for me. Im 29 now but remember getting into a mess when i was in my teens and then it i just stopped. I would say i started again around two years ago, not every day at first but gradually it has built up and financially I find myself in a mess again. I dont think i have ever actually taken a big win as many times i have reversed the withdrawal as I just couldnt keep away. I have borrowed money countless times with the intention of doubling it to pay it back and get myself out debt but it just doesnt work like that. No win has seemed big enough. I know in time i can sort the debts out, i just want to feel normal again and like i have a purpose. I want to enjoy spending time with those I love and just to enjoy the little things in life. Once the dark fog i call 'gamblers depression' has lifted and if i manage to stay gamble free from now then I know slowly things will start to get better. Its just very hard at the minute accepting this person i have become and the disbelief in myself at the amount of lies that i have told. If only we could start our lives again hey! Sorry for rambling and once again thank you. I have read so many posts on here the past couple of days and it makes me feel so sad to see how many people are hurting and broken by such a horrible and evil addiction.
hope you have managed to have a successful day .. I know what you mean and have to take each day as it comes and try to mark each one as a mini milestone .. I normally try and look too far forward but small steps at the minute is key. there is no judgement on how you got here or the lies told ..think we all will be the same just what we do about it now .. still the rest of your life to live and not be that person you don't want to be and I'm sure you will get there
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