hi all dont even knw what write here i have been gambling for well over twenty years it is slot machines but recently online bingo too, I have no excuse i have a great fmily four kids who i absolutely adore but then how can i say that when i leave us with next to nothing every week. my eldest has had this all her life and she always forgives me but not ths time she is moving out she has got herself into debt getting lons to bail us out when i blow money and she already has health issues and her life at uni is going to suffer i have 4 amazing kids my youngest aidan is only 3 i am looking at him now while writing this and wondering how could i be so so stupid. My eldest elyshia has been my rock through everything ex leaving anything she is there and this is how i repay her i always say i will stop then next week i am in again i dont see way out i have rang neca today and am awaiting lady ringing back for counselling hope to god i can kick this and get my daughter back and trust i have so stupidly betrayed. made my account on here just over year ago with daughter she tried help again cant believe this is first time i have ever read some of the posts or posted myself.I always say i will stop bottom line is i cant and i dont know why i regret it afterwards and always hate myself so why why why do i do it question no one on here will know answer too only me and i dont 🙁 feel so disgusted but without doing anything about it i know would be back in the arcades again next week. I am hoping counsellor rings me soon and makes me an appointment till then going to hand over control of all my financial outgoings to my daughter or mum and hope with all my heart my daughter agrees to stay looking through so many similar tories to mine i have no excuse good luck to you all with your addictions and i hope i can finally take steps which should took years ago to stop making myself feel like this always chasing big win never be a winner bottom line like my daughter says is no winners only losers which i am definitely hope too god i can keep my family together and my daughter with her siblings where she belongs sorry for essay but needed write someting down 🙁
Hi chrismarie, welcome to recovery 🙂
There are no rules about what you write here although the Forum Admin are always watching with their stars on hand ready to edit naughty words!
I cannot answer the question as to why...There are many reasons! I had no excuse either but the addiction makes us such big promises that we don't know how to give it up! Without help that is! Luckily for us, people here have already figured it out & although choosing 'No' is a daily battle it is one that we can win! There are tools that can help but only you can make that choice! I went to a hypnotist years ago because I thought I could be cured & was very shocked to hear he could not make me do anything I didn't want to! Years later, whilst hunting for help trying to control my gambling, I finally realised he was right & we have to want to quit in order to do so! You say you know you will be back in the arcades next week but why? It is not gambling you enjoy, it is winning & when was the last time that happened? We cannot win because we cannot stop so for us the only way to beat this is to quit!
The most important thing for you to do now is break that Time-Money-Location triangle as removing one stops you from gambling! It would be great if you could hand over your finances but I can understand why your daughter may not want to! You can break the location yourself by getting blockers installed (K9 is free but Gamcare will be able to advise you on this - maybe your daughter could set it so she can see you're fighting) on anything you gamble on online & taking 2 passports photos into any arcade that you use!
It seems hopeless @ the moment but the second you draw a line under your losses & start fighting the addiction, the fog will start to lift! Don't worry about next week, just take it One Day At A Time!
You have to do this now for all of you! Your eldest gets that gambling sucks but the others may not be so lucky...Take it from me, the CG product of a CG mum!
Start a recovery diary, get counselling, hand over your finances, do whatever it takes to kick this into touch before it destroys any more if you! This is a wake up call from your eldest & you should be incredibly proud of her...A wise head on young shoulders, she has shown incredible strength & there is support available for her if she thinks it would help!
Don't listen to the bull of the addiction anymore, it won't bring you riches, just more sadness & misery! Time to get you back - ODAAT
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