Fresh Start

Hi Emily,

Big welcome to the forum. You have made your first step into changing your life. Being open and acknowledging you have a problem goes a long way.

Nothing can change the past however it's in your hands to change the future.

I have suffered from being a gambler for over a decade. Like you I stake low At first and end up on the floor loosing money to attempt to make my life better. Winning is great but I Never win because I never stop.

12 days ago I signed up to gamcare in an attempt to stop my addiction. I have been viewing posts for years on and off as I really did not want to stop this horrible pointless enjoyment. I wish I came here earlier to attempt my jeorney of a none gambler. If I did I may have saved thousands.

I have such a long way to go however buzzing off people and sharing really makes a difference.

I look forward to hearing more on your story. Stay strong.

Hi, Emily,

If you genuinely intend to quit, you have to do it for you, not for your fiancГ©. Only you control the decision to gamble, you are responsible for what you do, he can't make you or stop you. To quit successfully, you have to stay in recovery regardless of other issues and difficulties and you can't start thinking that if he doesn't stay he has therefore "made" you gamble.

I'm the wife of a CG and as he's in recovery, I am still here. From my viewpoint, the very worse aspect was the lies and that he didn't tell me. So I would always urge you to tell him, it makes a bad situation worse when he finds out the hard way.

Gambling thrives when it's covered up, it's less easy when people know what you might be doing. Also, you need his help if he'll give it, he can't trust you financially and the best thing is to hand over your Visa card and finances to him, so that he can drip feed you pocket money.

Take positive action to quit, get help from GA or counselling, ditch your phone for a non Internet version, install blocking software, remove your access to cash or credit with or without your fiancГ©'s help, cooperate with any checks on you and with barriers. These measures will be permanent, addiction is either active or in recovery but not cured.

It wasn't so easy for me to leave but I would have if the gambling had continued. I stayed because my husband has finally done what it takes, cooperates with barriers, attends GA. If you can show your fiancГ© that you're serious, he might stay. But words and promises intended to shut him up whilst leaving loopholes for gambling are meaningless.

There's plenty of advice on the forum but only you can choose to follow it. On the hopeful assumption that you do, I wish you well.

CW

Thank you for your messages.

I currently have not gambled for almost a week and have not had the urge to. I know the next few months are going to be difficult - not feeling good about loosing my money and lying. But I can't concentrate on the negatives at the moment. Just have to look forward!

That's fine as far as it goes but take that positive action, especially re finances, before you get the urge. Put barriers up and get help. Afterwards will be too late.

CW