Gambled again

Hey Gary ,I had have the same type of day 3k gone dont know i have done it. The guilt the shame the come  down. Its going to be S****y weekend.hard to pick yourself up. Hope you are okay

Hi mate, I had same issues as well lost 8k today totalling 25k this month. My morale is very low. I did stop for a year then this evil strikes again. 

@mast2021 thanks for your post. It's really horrible eh. I'm just going to stay in all weekend and try and get head right before daughter comes over . Are you okay and getting to terms with your situation too?

Yes il have to be thought i was done with this thing but every now again i spirral. Me 2.5 years ago never had gambled bar lotto etc and such a sensible person. Never realised how hard it is when you fall into a black whole. Chin up i quess and hopefully this is the last f**k up. Hope you get thru the weekend with daughter 

@mast2021 thanks I will try. Have a good weekend too 

@pdhaliwal900 sorry to hear that. It's a horrible thing. I was adamant I was going to stop and had so much to look forward to. Now it's all gone and I feel so low right now. Keep having suicidal thoughts like what's the quickest way to end it  I don't know if I have enough in me for another recovery cycle. 

Hello @garydav5 ,

Sorry to hear you are feeling low and you are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Please do get in touch with us for further support via the live chat or by calling 0808 8020 133 - you do not need to struggle on your own, we are here to support 24/7.

Best wishes,

Klaudia

Forum Admin

@garydav5 Have you stopped before and for how long and this is a relapse or is this an extreme session that’s eating you up?

What did you learn from the counselling?

Chris.

@chris-uk I have stopped before but no longer than about 4 weeks to be perfectly honest. I have to put this one down as an extreme melt down. I was in the horrible zone almost like I wasn't there. It's the compulsive side that gets you. Not rationale at all. The councelling was good over 6 sessions but ultimately you have to want to stop. I watched a good video on YouTube last night. I've been trying to solve my problems through gambling and financially was nearly there but you only end up giving it all back. It has to stop for me now. And start process of recovery again one day at a time . One of the things they do say is appreciating what you have and I have to start doing that. I'm 53 years old and have 5 years left to pay mortgage off and have good pensions so I have time to try and live the life I want. Although last few days have been toughest ever mate I can't explain 

@garydav5 Thanks. I understand and I’ve been in your position, unfortunately time and time again. It just won’t stop unless you can get a hold of yourself.

You need to get a clean break away from it, give yourself time to see life without gambling. 
From my own experience I’ve always found GA to be my place of safety. I’m the same age as you but I’ve been on and off GA since I was 17. When I go I don’t gamble, when I stop going because I think I’ve beaten it or my mind isn’t on it I eventually gamble again, and that’s after having 2 and 3 year periods of not gambling.

What I found this time was other than putting my recovery first, I also worked a 12 step recovery program which is about change.

When I say putting my recovery first, it’s my birthday Sunday but I’m making sure I still get to my meeting. Those two hours a week allow me the rest of the week to live gambling free. I don’t make excuses for missing a meeting, but by putting it first in my life it allows everything else to prosper. My family get the benefit of a normal decent me.

The recovery program I mentioned is about looking at yourself, working on eliminating those characteristics that weren’t good and changing how I approach decisions. I guess that’s kind of what your counselling was doing but just the start of it. I’ve just helped a couple of people work through it themselves and it’s taken us 6 months of weekly meetings to finish it but then you continue to live it daily.

My advice, if it might help, I’d to attend Gambler’s Anonymous for 90 days. Really put the effort in and see how you feel afterwards. Your money has gone. If you chase it you will only lose more. It won’t stop until you have nothing left. Don’t give it another penny.

Hope that helps.

Chris.

Thanks Chris for your post and that's some good advice. 

I have done GA before but only for about 4 to 5 meetings. I find group stuff very hard and GA I find the structure very rigid and the same people do most off the talking and can be very self centred. I used to dread every meeting. It's different for everyone I suppose but don't think it's for me. 

I do have all the handouts and pocket books so maybe I should dig them out again. One day at a time and the serenity prayer does help. 

Hi

After your last bet what would you say your emotional trigger was.

Is there any way you can learn from this painful expereince.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

@garydav5 you are right to consider appreciating the things that you do have and it sounds as though you have a lot to appreciate!

I too found that the meetings were not the forum for me although I did attend for 7 months.

Although not attending the meetings I consider myself to be firmly on the GA programme and read many times per week including the 12 steps programme and the 'just for todays'.

Wishing you all the very best in your recovery.

@jaysa609 thankyou for your post. That does help me and I think I will start doing that too and also keep a daily diary . A personal one not necessarily on here ATM. But I am in recovery now and I must look forward .