Hi everyone,
I don't know how to start this, really thought i was clever enough to not go down this route. My name is Ryan, I have been on and off gambling for the past 13 years (more on than off), My life has been awfully destroyed by this addiction, i have got into debt ruined relationships with parents, girlfriends, family members and my anxiety levels are through the roof right now. The only thing i have managed to keep some how keep is my job (many of them) as i put his down to my day to day mood and not being a super stable person to gain career progression due to always having debt lying around in my head and the feeling of guilt,anger and disappointment in losing my self in gambling.
Im reaching about because i need help, the past 6 months i have have so many thoughts ... going to bed just hoping that i dont wake up.My mental health is awful, it's not been okay to be honest. But i can't seem to figure whether it is completely down to this horrible addiction or not, either way it gambling is killing me inside.
Yesterday i got paid... and Today i have nothing left after having 1,100 left after some bills were paid. So 2,100 blown away. I owe 600 to energy bills, 54 to water and 23 to my phone bill. I have been through this every time but never learn, with another 30 days to get though without able to buy food.
I really don't want to be in this life if i know this will happen for the rest of my life, Honestly let somebody who is going to do good be here instead. I have this overwhelming guilt with my family whenever i see them because i am almost paranoid when talking because i feel guilty about the times they have picked me up or talked to me after ruining another relationship because i have pawned my girlfriends iPad to gamble with, i just want to be a normal person and erase everything and never gamble again but i can't.
I have gamstop in place which prevents me from gambling online but somehow stumbled on to an ... online game which you can deposit into, which has taken around 10,000 the last 6 months. I guess i want some guidance on what to do from here
Thank you
Try a GA meeting that might help. That’s part of the reason I have gone so long without gambling myself.
its hard opening up and brave that you have, keep coming back hear and read and engage to get a better understanding of this addiction.
i truely hope this helps a bit
dave101
just for today I will not gamble.
Hi Ryan.
I have been in your position so many times on and off over the last 14 years, where I have been anxiously waiting for my salary to hit my bank account, only then to gamble it all away within a matter of hours! Only that I had an extremely understanding and supportive Mother, sister and brother, I would have come unstuck on many occasions. There is only so many times you can rely on your family however before they become angry and disappointed with you. The only way to remedy this and your relationships with your family, is to quit for good. I of all people know this is not easy and many of us on here have made several attempts to”quit for good” but the harder we make it for ourselves initially, I.e, putting as many blocks in place as we possibly can and getting the help and support from this forum and the “want” to give up, then we/you really can turn your life around. You are never too old either - I am proof of that, being aged 61!
The next few weeks will be extremely tough for you, I know that so you will need to really dig deep and just take one day at a time until next payday - go to food banks if need be. Although this is something I have never had to do, there is absolutely no shame in this. Needs must and all that!
I really do hope you can remove yourself from the vicious gambling cycle that just brings us people on here, pure misery and heartache.
Please reach out to the gamcare staff, they are an amazing form of support.
Best of luck.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
hi hope you are ok maybe suggest contacting your energy provider and explain you are having financial difficulties I'm sure they would work with you and also contacting the gamcare team who are excellent in order to contact the stepchange team to sort out your finances into a more reasonable payment plan
@j5a6meyr4z your previous situation perfectly describes my one as well. I lose everything I have then anxiously wait till my next payday in suffering and hardship after borrowing money, only for me to get paid and blow it off in a day and then the cycle continues. I decided to quit last month and I’ve sold my stuff to repay loans and opened up to some of the people I owe money about my addiction, and they were all understanding except one. It has been the hardest journey of my life. I wish I could get extra help no matter how little as it would go a long way in helping me cope with my quitting decision.
Thanks for the support everyone, I know this month is going to be hard as i don't know what to say to my girlfriend for the reason i can't afford the food shop. This grating feeling of i have done this again, nothing changes and helplessness is kicking in really bad, i don't understand me how i think its okay to just work a month and blow it within hours. I want to change, i need to. Again thank you for the support guys i want to get through this!
I know it’s hard to hear but honesty is the only way forward. Open up to someone. Then spend a whole day going through all your bank details. Money in, money out, how to get out of this. It will shock you and you will realise you can’t live off £3 a week. Next step, contact step change. You’ve done the work now, you will have to fill in some online stuff but they will support you.
Trust me, that full day of being honest with yourself about money will drive you on. Gamblers, keep secrets. If you open up to someone, and I mean really open up, the secret is out. It does get easier then. The best way to address this is to address the secret life. The one us gamblers live. We lie to ourselves first and foremost, so please have a good look at yourself. Once you have come clean to yourself, find someone you can also come clean to. And by come clean I mean, exactly how clean you’ve come to yourself. Once it’s out there it’s a great motivator to not let someone down.
From my experience that first day of really addressing this with yourself is a great step forward. Use that day wisely, put blocks in place. Really go to town and take all the advice you’ve seen in here. You will feel free at the end of that day.
Stay strong 💪
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