Gambling addiction recovery journey day 1

Hello @Lilyrose,

Welcome to the GamCare forum. I am really glad you have joined and are finding comfort in other members' threads.

It sounds as though it has been a difficult time. You are not alone in what you are experiencing; however with the right support people can and do recover from problem gambling and you are taking a really good step by joining the forum and sharing your story.

I would suggest speaking with StepChange for free financial and debt advice. They also have information on what to do if you need help with essentials or paying bills here. 

I would also encourage you to call our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or use our Netline service. We are here 24 hours; you are very welcome to contact us at any time and we can discuss with you various options that can help you in your recovery from problem gambling.

Please keep posting; we are here to support you. 

Best wishes,

Sophie

Forum Admin

Posted by: @lilyrose

I'm here and that's the first step, I know I have a journey ahead of me and it will be difficult at times but it gives me comfort being here.

My gambling journey began 2 years ago during lockdown when a shiny, colourful leaflet dropped out of a magazine. Deposit £5 now and get free spins! I have never been tempted to gamble before but something drew me in, that little moment that I am constantly screaming at myself for today, Why did I do it? 

Fast forward and here I am laying in a bath with zero money in my bank account after my most recent episode, the worst one yet!

No money to pay my bills and a mountain of debt hanging over my head with nowhere to turn.

I find comfort in everyone else's threads, I don't feel so alone.

I feel ashamed, embarrassed and I have no idea what to do.

I know that exact feeling. I’m currently on my 4th relapse from being gambling free for 3 years. 
it’s horrible not knowing how you can get through the month financially and like yourself feel that horrendous shame. Please know you aren’t alone. I understand I understand it all. If I had any money I’d help you but unfortunately I’m in the same boat. I hope you have someone who won’t judge you that you can turn to in your life and ease it for you ❤️ X

Hi ? I'm in the same boat too I've let so many people down it's awful I've never gambled until.last year and now I can't stop I so badly want too any tips

@littlemix self exclude on everything, make it impossible for you to gamble, ask your bank if they will also block gambling transactions. We addicts do find loop holes now and again but the relief once you have done that step is so much xx

@rightrush thanku I have it's my husband that puts it on his phone I feel like we are ruining each other I've just had to get a bank loan today to sort it out again but I can't keep.going through this every payday it's making me soo poorly I he will put on 50 then il.put 500 on it's a very vicious cycle a big won did not help us I think we've chased it ever since the money has now gone and more besides but lastnight I finally realised this has to stop now after blowing my wages and then some I finally said I can't do this anymore I need to sort my.life out now before I lose everything and everyone

@littlemix it’s true that no matter how big the win we will ALWAYS ALWAYS gamble it all away. I don’t know what it is but you promise your self if I get to so and so amount I’ll withdraw but that never happens. I think if you are both gambling you need to both completely self exclude. Could you be trusted to manage each other’s wages? Or is there a risk you’d take each other’s? That’s something I know I’m ok with I could never take anyones money to feed it. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help I’d love to help financially but I’m in the same boat x

@rightrush I'm sorry to hear of your relapse, we can get through this together ❤️ 

Remember that point no matter how much you win you will chase more and lose it . Just think of the staff in the bookies as the enemy [ they are probably laughing at you when you have gone ] Use Apple Pay for all your payments , cut in half any credit debit cards . [ if you are gambling via mobile devices put blocking software on them ]  give your earnings to a trusted member of your family .

Mark on a calendar that today was the last day you gambled ,its hard at first but it gets easier . 

Day 2: Gambling addiction recovery

Today I took a giant leap and opened up about my addiction to my boss and a trusted work colleague. It was something I felt I needed to do and I was surprised at how supportive and understanding they both were about it all. I was expecting a lot of judgement and opinions thrown my way (which I feel I would completely deserve) but it was the complete opposite. 

The words "I have a gambling addiction" were the hardest words I have ever had to say but I did it and it's another step in the right direction.

@lilyrose thanku how are you coping x

@lilyrose Well done ? that is amazing I'm so glad u have the support in place to help you I'm on day 2 today but find myself a bit panicky on the reality of the relapse x

@littlemix remember how amazing it is that you have taken this step to recovery, there will be testing times to come and relapse will always be hanging over like a dark cloud, let's be a support system for each other and whenever those urges show their ugly faces we will come on here and use this as a space to get it all out.

We are in this together ❤️ 

@lilyrose thanku how u feeling today x

@littlemix I've got to admit my anxiety is high, it's having to face the debts, making the phone calls just trying to keep my head above water. Constantly beating myself up at the moment and feeling undeserving of anything good.

How has your day been?