good afternoon

sorry, forgot to tell you my story, warts and all.

first started gambling when my dad worked at the dogs, got invloved and that was me hooked, i was 18, im now 51 and have gambled all my life.

mid to late 40's went bankrupt, lost over £100k always struggled but ive always worked but never really had money that i called my own, im currently £25k in debt and in a new relationship , shes great but very prudent with money,

ive always denied i was addicted till the last few years when i knew i was, i dont do it all the time, i dont wake up wanting a bet but i do lose control and losses do end up adding up to thousands in truth.

i always think i can gamble my way out of trouble but it never works.......stop digging my dad once said, how true.

so im on the way to stopping, i must, im at an all time low money wise but i can survive and get out of it but i must stop gambling, no more chances, its been a part of my life since 18 but i cant lose my fiance and since i gambled my last £40 i realised when it came in second on a 2 horse race i had to stop or kill myself ( could never do it in truth). So today i joined here and im determined to end this gambling, i did it for 8 months but fell into the trap of getting back on my feet and it wouldnt harm, so i start on my journey, she knows nothing of my gambling or debt and keeping it from her while i hate i just cant take the chance her knowing, she will not forgive me.

im getting a friend to take over my finances, ive excluded from everything i can find, im not into casinos at all so i wont go in or online to do that, the high street bookies are my worry but i have to beat this.

that's me, warts and all

Dear holycrosser,

thank you for sharing your stories and well done for putting all the blocks in place. It sounds like you've thought about this long and hard, learned from past exeriences and are using it to your advantage.

Keep posting, keep reacing out for support, you got this.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Hello Holycrosser

Wecome to the forum and i hope you keep using it and get more involved.

You must stop gambling and you dont need it in your life. It now classed as a drug addiction to put it simply. Not doing it all the time is not a sign of control as you know really. I deluded myself that I had any control but the truth is I had been a full on addict since the age of 12. I could have breaks inbetween but I was a trigger binge gambler who couldnt walk away when I was in the zone

If you can speak to a friend its a great leveller to speak to someone close. Your aim should be to tell your partner as soon as you feel ready but that is your decision to make.

You seek a born again moment. Secrets are no good for you. The truth should bring a serenity and relief to be handing over control. You are not in control and your mind needs time to heal. Addiction is an illness...that doesnt mean you need a straightjacket...it does mean that you have no control over your own mind

Gambling is not the answer,,,write down again what gambling has cost you....it was never the answer to anything. The answer lies within you to lead a full life without gambling.

The important thing is stopping. The debt should not worry you to illness because you can only pay back what you can afford. Your mental health and the future of your relationships is whats important.

I repeat that secrets will eat you up and willpower alone is not enough. If you are ready to live on an allowance, be open and honest, you are then ready to seek help on the road to recovery

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Its was never an income scheme or a get it back later scheme so yes stop digging because you havent seen the new lows it has in store for you.

Thanks all, I intend to check in every day, part of the focus I need, another day has passed GF and another step to being happy, thank you for the welcome, it’s a battle, I go again.

Brave and honest explanation of why you're here.

You're not alone and many have similar stories. Together we're stronger

bdog wrote:

Brave and honest explanation of why you're here.

You're not alone and many have similar stories. Together we're stronger

Thank you, another day ticked off, keeping focused by checking in here and reminding myself it’s day by day for now.Temptation is all around us and myself so getting through these first few weeks is all I’m looking at for now.ive quickly understood by being here this is a massive “secret” problem.

Just remembered 2 online bookies I was a member of, Ive just gone online and self excluded for the maximum I could.pretty certain that’s one avenue now nailed down.