Guilty, lonely, empty and broke.

Hi Jo

Firstly what a brave and honest post. When I read this I get goose bumps because there is so much I resonate with. The isolation the debt and the depression. Was it only due to gambling? For me I was using gambling to escape from all these things. It was only after a great deal of counselling that I started to understand and in turn work on. I would encourage you to speak to an advisor on when the lines open to discuss some of your options. There is plenty of help and advice available if you stick around the forum.

I hope you can get the help and support you need.

I hear you Jo, and I am saddened by your plight. Wishing you the strength and willpower to slay the beast

Hello Jo

You said you have no family but then go on to your son is your life. You do have family in your son. I can't think of a better excuse to drive you to want to get better.

Things may take a while to get ok but believe me it comes. Focus on yourself and being the person you think your son will be proud of.

All the best

Conradnose

check out my blog www.conradnose.com

Hello everyone

Thank you for posting. I am truly humbled that people have taken time to write such non judgmental words, words of wisdom and hope.

Zulu - I have suffered with depression most of my life. I hide it well though. I am going to make another appointment with my GP though and talk things through. I spoke to a lovely lady on the helpline last night who is going to refer me for counselling.

Conradnose - I am going to read your blog. When I say I have no family, I suppose I meant I have lost the family I had. Mum and dad died, then my sister chose to distance herself and moved away with no contact, her decision, which I have to respect. My son doesnt see his dad. I had an abusive relationship and left him when i was 6 months pregnant and moved to a womens refuge, was there for 3 months then got housed in a different town, not knowing anyone - if I had the strength to do that at 21 years old (I am 45 now) then I can beat this.

I hate asking for help, I prefer to help others, I am writing this thinking who on earth whats to read this, me whinging on and feeling sorry for myself.

I have such a bad relationship with money, I cant have it. I feel that I have to get rid of it and I suppose gambling is a sure fire way of doing that!

I am definitely going to stick with this forum, and one day, one thing that would make me happy is to help others on here, like you all have helped me.

I will keep you updated and hopefully my next post will be a positive one.

Jo

jo, I can relate to your story in some ways. I too know what it feels like to gamble an entire wage. I've recently told my family about my problem and that has helped me. I am new so I don't have much to offer in advice but that gambling will never help even if you win you loose as winnings are gambled straight back. So gambling will never ever help. I have been in they way of thinking if I can just win back what I have lost I will be ok But now I am telling myself I will never win. I am only 2 days GF but I am determined to not get back into that way of thinking. I wish you luck on your journey.

Thankyou Chars33, I agree, I too just want to win back what I have lost, but I am so possessed by the repetativeness of the spins I just cant break away. Its a case on keep going keep going - i even feel some sort of relief when the balance reaches zero! Then comes the despair....its horrendous.

I am glad you are facing up to the problem and hope we can exchange tips and advice we pick up on our journey. Its not going to be easy but we can do it.

Jo

Rooting for you Jo, as you say it is not going to be easy but we can do it. I can relate to feeling like a completely different and pathetic person behind closed doors whilst gambling than I am around friends who think more of me. Keep us posted.

We are going through or gone through the same stay strong fight for your son

Hello Jo,

I am the husband of a gambler. I only discovered this a week ago so my comments might be way off the mark as I have no self-experience of what you're going through.

However, I will say this. You've made the start! Maybe, "whinging" and "feeling sorry" for yourself are actually the first steps to rediscovering the you that you want to be, so don't dwell on those feelings. If you're at the bottom, there is only one way to go and that's back to the top.

I have found people here to be supportive - gamblers, ex-gamblers and those affected by gambling - all have so far offered advice and encouragement. As a rookie to all this, sometimes the advice appears brutal but it is always meant in a caring way so don't dismiss any of it. You may not act on it, but please consider what everyone says. To date, no-one here has passed judgement on me, my wife or our situation.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this... I am looking at our situation and after the initial despair (that you are also experiencing) I believe this will, in the long term, be a good thing. It will work out because I have reasons to make it work. So do you. You have your son. For us, we are talking much more right now. We are planning our way out and planning a new future. You must start to do the same.

Start with calling Gamcare. Start with self-exclusions. Start with blocking software such as Betfilter (not free and others are available but Betfilter is working for us).

I've rambled on and don't even know if I'm making sense but I hope I am. Be strong, be honest with yourself and those who can be there to help you. Start with the friend you borrowed money from... and try to bridge the gap to your sister. Use these forums. See, already you're not alone!

I wish you strength, determination and a successful journey. It will be a long and difficult road but remember - one foot in front of the other, then repeat. You can do this and you will ge there.

Good luck.

Sean

Some very true words I read these everyday and when I've stopped b4 I go back to thinking of gambling

Hi jo999.

Welcome and well done for writing your story down. I understand your situation and its the spiral of debt and addiction that most gamblers find themselves in.

I know things seem bad but its the gambling that will actually destroy you. Its not the material possessions and even the house that really matter....its you that matters..You need a fresh look at this and your mind needs time to heal.

Take my story...... I was sick of paying rent for something I dont own and I was sick of not having enough money. I didnt know how to earn enough money never mind lots of and saw no future. I was alone and depressed and saw no way out...that plays right into fueling a gambling addiction and I was playing to escape and even initially to de stress from my life.

Only as you know it made things many times worse as I threw away any money I did have. I surrounded myself with collectables and bits of hi fi etc...nice enough stuff but none of it was making me happy in the bigger picture. Indeed I was creating a prison of collectables and stuff. Any bill I got I thought how am I going to pay this and ok there were some thoughts of trying to win my living expenses from a machine.

I felt I had no meaning or control over my life and the gambling was a cry for help and a means of self destructing. When you understand how complex the addiction is I was playing to be punished and I had in that sense given up on life

This is about your mental health and a future being gamble free. I want experiences in life now and plan to go tandem skydiving and all sorts of things.

I know its easy to say but possesssions come and go. You cant get sick of the worry. I sold one flat before I became bankrupt as they would have taken it anyway. I have to accept that I wasnt paying the mortgage, I didnt own it and thats the way life is. There is a point where these possessions are not worth the worry. You cant let the debt and money make you ill. Addiction is a spiral of mental illness that you have to break free from with help and a fresh start

You will get another roof and you must use your time to find out who you are and try and make some friends. Ive finally realised thats love and what you do in a community are the most important things. If you have an income count your blessings as even a tough job is better than feeling lost

So please self exclude and reach out for all the help you can. Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect and control.

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like and keep using the forum.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Jo999
I logged on this morning & read your post & really identified with it. It sounds like you are in such a difficult position right now but, I do want to tell you that there is hope. I am a compulsive gambler also addicted to slots. I have self destructed several times. All I can say is you have come on here therefore you are choosing to get help. Once I start on the slots I have no choice to stop. I can't stop & I am under their control. Just like you are. My advice is to be in touch with Gamcare's helpline & book in for the counselling. It is so valuable & free. I hope your first day in your new job was not too stressful. I hope you find some peace & freedom that I have found away from my nightmare.
All the best Roxi 🙂

I was really touched by your post. I myself am the happy go lucky, confident life and soul of the party type (but behind closed doors I am in hell in my own mind)

My dad said something to me once. Money troubles are terryfting and depressing, but they cannot harm you physically. You are still alive, you can still have a good life, you can still appreciate everything beautiful in the world especially your son.

It will be a hard road conquering the money issues (I have some myself) it will take time and patience, but it will not kill you. If you can seek help to try and change your mindset, if you can get on the road to recovery with your gambling then you can live a rich and full life regardless of the the debts. With hard work and determination money can always be made, debts can always be payed off. But look at the bigger picture, your son, things you want to achieve in life, anything is possible if you let it be. The only thing that will stop your life progressing is gambling. You can meet new friends (perhaps at your new job?) you can join clubs etc anything to meet new people but with gambling still having a hold you will remain stuck in that cycle of staying in.

You can do this don't ever doubt you can't. I wish I could take my own advice! But we all need professional help along with this wonderful forum. We have to want it with all of our being to be serious about stopping.

Hello everyone and thank you all for posting.

So i havent logged in for a while, its been a stressful time. I havent gambled for 18 days, but i have been through hell and I havent had any money in my account so that has helped.

I started my new job 2 weeks ago - love it. The downside is I have spent the last 2 weeks fighting to keep a roof over my head. I didnt pay my mortgage for the last 2 months, because of gambling. I already have a suspended possession order, dating back to 2015, when I was financially irresponsible, but not through gambling.

So this time the mortgage company, rightly so, refused to put another payment plan in place, and applied to the court for an eviction - 16th August. When I got the news I broke down, couldnt breathe, sobbed my heart out and basically wanted to die.

ALso my son found out as the eviction notice was hand delivered. Now, I havent admitted the extent of my gambling problem to my son, simply because i am his role model, and I am too ashamed.

I did however admit the problem to my mortgage lender, shelter and I phoned the gamcare helpline and a few other organisations. I was desperate for help, and just admitting it was a massive relief.

On Friday I went back to court to try and get the eviction suspended. Bear in find, i am having to tell my new employers all of this, how humiliating, but I made a decision to be completely honest with them.

WHen I went to court I was saddened to find myself in the situation and having googled 'will I be evicted?', 'has anyone had their house repossessed?' and 'will a judge understand a gambling addiction', I didnt think there was any hope.

There was no duty solicitor on, and I was told that I could ask it to be adjourned, but my head had been in bits, I just wanted it over and done with.

To cut a long story short, i was completely honest to the judge. He gave me a roasting, agreed to a payment plan, and suspend the eviction. ALthough I was very very relieved, I still felt so sad, as I saw myself in that court and thought why on earth and how has it come to this?

I agree that the gambling is very much a mental health problem. I have worked in mental health and feel there is a serious lack of resource. The last few years (since gambling) I have become anti social and a little bit agrophobic if I'm honest. At my lowest I was given a crisis line number only to be told no one was available. I understand that there are lots more people in need of this service, and because my problem was self inflicted I didnt feel worthy of any support.

But I got through it, thankfully.

Like Joydivider said, I want to do things (i too would do a tandem skydive!) I want to get back to my old life. This weekend I have loved my home again - reorganising, cleaning and making a fresh start. Guess what - I actually cooked for the first time in a while and thoroughly enjoyed it! I feel positive again for the future.

I gambled all of my wage last month on 25th July. I get paid again next Friday and I dont want to ever gamble again. I can only think about the nightmare of the last 2 weeks to remind me not to do it. I cant lie, I have been thinking about it, but I cannot - I will lose my home. I have to remember this horrendous journey and keep feeling positive about things as they can only get better.

I would hope that this is the last post I write here, but I am sure it wont be. I know i will get urges and I hope I have the sense to come here instead of any stupid robbing gambling sites.

Thanks again

Jo