Hi all,
I have a son who is gambling on his phone and we have discovered that he has lost a lot of money over the past 2/3 years and maybe longer.
He has agreed to let me monitor his account and I can remove money but he tells us he will stop it, he tells us that he has blocked the site he is using, he says it's not a big problem and that he is very sorry for what he has been doing and that he won't do it again.
But..... yet again tonight I have checked his account and he has been gambling, so clearly he has not deleted the app! He took out a loan and most of that has gone but he needs the rest to pay his bills.
I am so worried that if he doesn't admit he has a problem and get some help soon he could end up losing his home as I don't know where he is going to get the money from to keep on top of all the bills.
We want to support him but he is pushing us to the limit as he won't admit it is an issue.
Thanks for listening
Poppins
Guilt. and admission is hard. Gamblers are not very aware on what is going on. Chasing losses is a serious focus. If I could give you any advice it would be this. If he accepts counseling. Say that you will cover his losses. Tell him that he must give up all hope of chasing his losses because you will cover them IF he seeks help for the addiction he has.
Look at this as a mind hack. It will work.
Best
C
I think that if you offer financial help on the basis of him getting help he will do that until you have cleared his debts only to return to gambling and build more debts up. I think it's more about having to be in action to escape something deep rooted rather than just chasing losses. I'm my experience you only change when the pain of continuing is more than the pain of stopping.
Worse thing to do is to offer to settle debts.
If a gambler is in denial phase then there is nothing you can say or do that will get them out of it
It is very much a journey of self unfulfillment
You have to let him see the error of his own ways , in gambling this often means reaching rock bottom with nowhere to turn too
Take no responsibility at all. If you enable him by offering any type of financial solution he will continue to see a fund he can call upon time and time again. The problem gambler will only see the money and normally promise anything to help himself out of a financial hole.
If you want to oversee him follow up everything with evidence. Get him to sign up to Gamstop. Get him to put a gambling block on his card. If he’s going to GA or get counselling know there’s no quick fix so don’t believe he’s “fixed” after a few weeks.
Read the stories here and understand that he’s not alone but that he has an illness. He might need your support but not your money.
Chris.
Take no responsibility at all. If you enable him by offering any type of financial solution he will continue to see a fund he can call upon time and time again. The problem gambler will only see the money and normally promise anything to help himself out of a financial hole.
If you want to oversee him follow up everything with evidence. Get him to sign up to Gamstop. Get him to put a gambling block on his card. If he’s going to GA or get counselling know there’s no quick fix so don’t believe he’s “fixed” after a few weeks.
Read the stories here and understand that he’s not alone but that he has an illness. He might need your support but not your money.Chris.
Good debate and Chris’s advice here seems to be my pick. I can very much relate as a youngest son and how many times my family bailed me out via financial support and me telling them i’m fixed. 3 months later, same. Happened 3 or 4 times after before I accepted myself the money aint coming back (or theirs) and I took the option of solely their emotional support as long as I stuck to my end of the deal which was to get counselling for the first time. Now; 269 days gamble free.
So yeah, in response to OP, do not help financially, only emotionally and directing them to tools such as Gamstop, self exclusion to bookmakers in the area, debit card block on transactions, counselling. Block all avenues, restore all hope.
Keep us posted please!
Very best
Hello and Welcome
Your son is an addicted or delusional stage which has kept him gambling for all those years.
I'm afraid that it's not something you can fully help him with if he is not ready.
The best advice is protect yourself and you have to take a tougher love approach. Do mention that gambling is not acceptable to you and you are deeply saddened watching him self destruct.
You can not lend him anything and he needs to be aware that family loans are not an option to enable him. Obviously he has your love and you won't let him starve but any cycle of reliance must be challenged as he will think I've got my parents as back up as he gambles to extinction.
I will give you a blunt example....I took food parcels and emergency cash from my parents but still gambled....even with just food parcels my addicted brain thought well that's my food covered whenever so I kept gambling anyway
Let's get to the reality......he may well lose his home if he doesn't enter a full recovery. Have you discussed this as his delusional mind may think you will be bailing him out and putting him up for the rest of his life
Next its often linked to stress low self esteem and depression so I think you have to get proactive in talking to him about this
It's a difficult blend of reality checks and trying to get him motivated to see the light. His gambling sessions will make no sense to a rational mind so try and talk them through so he sees the reaction to his nonsense and illness
The gauge is if he gets irritated or angry. Someone truly ready to stop will hand full financial control over and ask for help
Protect yourself gain knowledge and he can be helped.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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