My partner of 4 years told me he had put stops on his gambling accounts not long after we met as he could sometimes go too far. He ended up ( before we met) getting an IVA because of the debt.Â
He recently borrowed money off myself to pay off his and his kids half of a holiday were all going on then lent the same amount from his parents twice so now owes £2500 and hasnt paid it off.Â
I found out by chance really.Â
I have told him how upset this had made both me and his parents and how worried i am for the financial future etc. he said he will have his wages sent to my bank account ( he also told his mum the same ). And says hes used gamstop however his friends in work also gamble so they put bets on for him. Â
Ive asked for access to his online banking for the foreseeable just to make sure everything he’s saying is correct but he is refusing.Â
We were supposed to be looking into a mortgage together this year as his IVA is now paid but im extremely worried about getting into financial ties now . Ive asked him to come to a local GA meeting but he says he doesn’t need it.Â
Any advice welcome
thanksÂ
Well done for posting on here. This is a great place to come for advice. Time to get your partner on here. I can’t give you advice as a partner, but I can give you advice as an addict.Â
I knew it was time for me to quit and I knew I would have to bare my soul to my wife. I also knew it might end our relationship. It did. For me the only way to start to beat this was to come clean, show my wife everything. It was horrible, but it showed her I was ready to admit I had a problem. Hiding my bank details would not work. If I did that, I had an excuse to gamble. If I knew she could see my account, I knew she could see me gambling. An addict needs someone to stop them, they need to be accountable to someone. If he’s not ready for that, in my opinion he’s not ready to admit he has a problem, and therefore is not ready to quit. He will be scared. Scared of laying it all out there, scared if you seeing it’s much worse than you think, scared of losing you over it, but for your sake he has to, or you will never trust him.Â
It’s a tough spot. I completely understand why my wife left. The truth was horrible. I’m beating this now one day at a time and would give anything to have someone to support me so if you can do that for him it would be hugely beneficial to his recovery, but he has to be the one to want to quit. He has to own it and be honest with you. No holds barred.Â
Good luck, and I hope you get through this together
Going To GA meeting and continuing when I can has been a life saver and turned my life around for the better. Don't believe the bull S**t of not needing to go.Â
Dave101
Just for today I will not gamble.
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