Hi, My name is Paul and I am a compulsive/pathological gambler. I am 35 year old, married with a lovely boy aged 6. Having had a history with fruit machines, yet being free from those for over 3 years I decided to open an online betting account in March. Things rapidly got worse despite the odd win. Intially it was sports betting, football mainly. Before long I was up till the early hours of the night betting on Brazilan or what ever football was being played at 3am in the morning. I started betting at work on my phone, searching tipping sights trying to claw money back. At one point I was £6000 up, but that went in a couple of days. As I lost bits of that money, the more I wanted to get it back to £6000. The more I lost the larger the bets became. I also moved to roulette! Say no more.
Well fast foward till now and I have signifigant debts on loans and credit cards. I am getting counselling and awaiting treatment to start at the National Problem Gambling Clinic. I did tell my parents about the gambling in April and they did help me out, but since then things have got worse. Yesterday I had no choice but to tell my wife. She took it suprisingly well. She said she knew something was up. I delayed telling her as I thought she would leave me. Or did I delay telling her so I could keep gambling? Well now she knows, we have a plan which means living on a tight budget for the next five years or so. She has my cards. I have ordered an Osper card which is a kids prepaid credit card which cannot be used on gambling sites. She will be able to top this up and look at what I spend via an app on her phone. All the computers are blocked, as is my phone.
I have read a number of posts of here and with all the different emotions flying around (guilt, shame, remorse, fear) I found these helpful. Writing my own post has also been cathartic. I do have a history of recurrent depressive disorder and I am on medication. I have also experienced suicidall thoughts but the thought of my son has always squashed these.
I hope this post strikes a cord with some of you out there. Your responses, support, and help in any way would be grealty appreciated. By the way today is Day 2.
Thanks
Paul
Well done on finding the site and for the courage in telling your partner you have issued with gambling.
Roulette was my downfall too , I could never win on roulette because I could never stop , even when I had big wins I still found a way to say one last time and then before I knew it , it was all gone.
Any compulsive gambler is the same unless you won the millions on the lottery no win will ever be enough because you will just go searching the next big win.
For me I stopped gambling for my own sanity , for my wife and for my little boy.
Start a recovery diary , you will receive massive support daily , go to counselling and self exclude from the usual haunts you go to.
Good Luck.
Hi John
Thanks for the advice. Totally relate to not being able to walk away from roulette even when your considerably up. One more spin to win a bit more but your lose. Then you bet more and more, higher and higher stakes to get back to where you were. It is madness. Its a cliche that non gamblers dont understand but it is true.
Paul
Paul, we are all the same, cannot win because we cannot stop! Welcome to recovery 🙂
Sounds like you have placed fantastic blocks already the only thing I would add is to perhaps make sure your wife has support too! I think the relief of realising what was wrong with you & the adrenalin caused by the need for her to fix this crisis may well give way to other emotions. Gamcare offer counselling to friends & family & I understand Gamanon is a support group for partners!
Why don't you start yourself a recovery diary if you find writing cathartic? Just because the blocks are in place doesn't mean the addiction will want to let you go & this is a great place to come when urges strike!
You have fought this before! Get those gloves back on & hopefully with gambling out of your life, your mind can stop whirring & you can focus on what is important - ODAAT
We are all here for you Paul! Good luck with your recovery. Post daily and stay positive.
ODAAT'S right youv'e fought this before get them gloves back on!
Love and Peace xx
Thanks for the support.
Odaat your right. Today my wife changed my internet banking password and obviously had a look at my transactions. She is very angry.
Thanks
Paul
Put your self in her situation, would you feel any differently?
Many good measures put in place. Have you considered Gamblers Anonymous as well?
Hi Triangle,
I agree. Her reaction is totally warranted and natural.
GA I have been to in the past and it for a variety of reasons is not for me at the moment.
Thanks
Paul
Hi, Paul,
If not GA would you get counselling from GamCare or your GP? Or try a meeting in a different place?
It's something you could do to demonstrate your commitment to recovery to your wife.
CW
Hi
I am having counselling, and awaiting an appointment at the National Problem Gambling Clinic. I am also seeing a consultant on a weekly basis.
Holding off on GA at the moment following my own experiences and their advice.
Paul
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