Hello All
I don't know from where to start but it’s the same nightmarish story of every gambler. I want to get this off from my chest and hope to get some practical advice from people around. Please pardon me if my story lengthens over pages.
I am a 33 year old male with a 40K permanent job. I am married and have a lovely 3.5 year old daughter. Life for me was very running smoothly, good job, caring wife, lovely daughter, going to holidays etc. until last year February. I was searching for a tennis match’s score on google and accidently came across a gambling website advertisement where they were offering double the amount of money on a tennis match final. I don’t know what struck me there that I signed for the gambling website and put a mere 60£ on that match. As to the joy of every start up gambler I luckily won that match and got back 120£. Wow!!! 120£ in 2 hours game, I thought this would change my life!! I started betting frequently with similar amounts of 100-150£, luckily was winning all those small bets. This encouraged me a lot and one day out of nowhere I made a bet of 5000£ on a tennis match, I didn’t even know those players, the match was not even telecasted. But I kept looking at the score on the gambling website. At times my player was losing & I kept on praying to God to help me win this match & that I will never gamble again. To my surprise and may be due to God’s help my player won & I won 8333£ that day. I was on top of world, told my wife and she being so innocent said that’s very good but please don’t take this risk again. I promised that this was my last time.
I was happy because we had planned a vacation after 2 months and that I had won kind of holiday package for us. The amount was credited to my bank account in 2 days which made me feel that everything was real. Few days passed & my greed to earn more money started to itch me. A new major tennis tournament was starting and I thought I can for sure make some money. I started to bet 1500£ t0 2500£ per match and again luckily won those matches. I had a balance of 4500£ in my gambling account. Next day I bet 4500£ in 2 lots and my luck had gone!! I lost that money in 4 hours game. Still I was okay as that was not my money, it was just the winnings that I lost, but I thought I can for sure win some amount and bet 5000£ in the middle of a match. Bang!!! I lost that money in 15 minutes. This was the start of disaster. I went to the bathroom and started to think furiously about the loss. AND THEN THE UGLY GAME OF CHASING LOSSES STARTED. To recover that loss I put another 2500£, another 3000£ and so on and after 2 months I realised that I had lost 18000£. Without telling my wife we went on holidays and after coming back I started to chase again. Luckily I got 10000£ back and I thought I will forget about the 8000£ and continue with my life. But as you all know it doesn’t happen. I started to gamble heavily to chase my losses and madly lost 48000£ by the end of December 2013. I couldn’t believe that I had lost this huge amount in the past 10 months. I told my wife but she is amazing so lovely and innocent that she didn’t ask me the exact amount and somehow said to avoid gambling.
That loss was always in my mind and I kept thinking about it from December to last week. I had promised that I would never bet again. But guess what I saw a tennis match where I was sure that I would win and put another 5000£ 2 days ago. Same like last year I won double. Repeating last year’s mistake I started to put 5000£ again and have lost 10000£ in the past 48 hours. So since last February I have lost 58000£ in total and this is the amount that I had saved in the past 5 years. I don’t know what will my wife say when she sees the bank statement next month. Last time I was able to hide that and I still had around 15000£ in my account. Now I have got only 3100£ in my account, my head is spinning around, don’t know what to do. If I manage to keep my job for the next few years, it may take 3-4 years again to save that much of money. To make matters worse we were planning to buy a house on mortgage this year which is not possible. I was hoping to buy something by next year end but this 10000£ lost has shattered me. I am afraid of losing my wife’s faith, my head is spinning, I want to talk to someone but don’t know who. God help me from this situation. How can someone lose nearly 60K in 12 months!!
Mike
Hi mike,
First of all well done for posting on the site and telling your story. Tomorrow can be the start of a new you!
From my own experiences, honesty is the best way to help start to move forward and create a life beyond gambling. It is important to remember, the money you have lost is long gone and you can never get that back - write it off! If you think you can win it back by continuing to bet it will spiral out of control and your situation will be a whole lot worse.
My story is similar to yours, as I gambled away my partner and I hard earn savings for a house. It's so difficult to own up and speak to her, but it's the best thing you will ever do! She undoubtedly loves you!
I owned up to my partner and after a few days where she couldn't speak to me we sat down and began working together to help me. That was on dec 11 2013! It's been nearly 4 months without 1 single bet,
So my point is, you can change and you can get things back to how you want it, but be honest and people that love you will support you and secondly take each day as it comes!
Hi MIke,
I am truley sorry for your situation, and sense your pain through your last sentence. The most sound advice I can give you is to get the blocking software on your computer to start off with this will stop any further chaising. You obviously will need to inform your wife and this is not easy, but as NEwman has said honesty is the best policy.
No-one knows how she is going to reach but at least if she finds out from you instead of a statement it will show her a bit of respect.
Get onto the help line and be honest there to gamcare will advise on the best course of further action aslong as you are honest.
Keep reading diaries of others who have had to go through similar situations. I am not going to lie to you it is not an easy road ahead however,
reach out for the support available and use today to mark the start of a different life.
Keep strong you can do it!!
hi Mike
Are your earnings from your job 40k gross ? If so that's about 30k net. So you will have to work for 2 years to earn back the money you have lost gambling.
The best thing is to STOP now. The money has gone. Look at other stories on here of how people have gotten into huge debt. Be thankful you're not in that position - yet. But you will be if you continue. If you think it's bad now it could become a whole lot worse believe me. Don't underestimate the addictive nature of gambling, it is like a drug. Because it's more subtle than *** C*****e, say, & because there is no actual physical substance involved, it remains legal. However online gambling is illegal in many more enlightened countries, ask yourself why ?
Why expect a different result ? You've tried out your tennis 'judgement' / 'system' whatever & it obviously doesn't work in the long run. So learn from your experience of it. The truth is the outcome of tennis matches - especially men's tennis - often hinges on a break point won or lost here & there, so it is more or less a chance event.
Google 'TxNogam' for an investment of £20 you can block yourself from online gambling sites. And maybe forget about following / watching tennis for a while. If you do manage to stay stopped be very careful during Wimbledon.
God bless
Thanks NewMan18, zulu13 and davey for your kind words. I haven't had the courage yet to tell my wife about the current loss. As you all say I have to tell her at some point, hope I am able to do that soon.
davey: Yes 40k is gross, so even after around 30k net I need to spend on rent, bills etc. So savings would be much less. I guess I need to spend at least 4 years to recover the loss. And you are correct, I should be thankful that I am not into debt.
Also guys any suggestions on how to distract myself from thinking about this massive loss? I have started to get so insecure and so low in confidence. These days I am always thinking that what will happen if I lose my job? What will happen if anything else happens etc etc. I need to find a way to relax myself and avoid anxiety.
Mike
Hi Mike
Its realy hard to find things to do, but try to spend more time with your family go for walks if you can . My husband and I used to go for walks all the time , but whaen I got myself into this mess I stopped going because I could not look him in the eye without feeling the guilt as I kept telling him everything was fine , so now I have started to go for walks again . Its been 11 days now since I have gambled and up to now I dont want to , I dont want to put my family through any more hurt , Im not saying im over it thats a long way off I just hope I can keep fighting and be strong . Good luck Mike my thoughts are with you.
Hi Mike,
I can truly resonate with your concerns and confidence, and distractions can be a great help. Regarding your future you do not know what is going to happen however if you did loose your job you would be a lot worse off if you got yourself into debt from gambling.
Perhaps you can look at some of the interests you had before gambling took over. I know this may sound easier than it is and when someone suggested this to me I was sceptical but it really does work. I started swimming after 20 years and it has helped to distract me and to distress me. My partner who is not a CG but has had the odd flutter in the past has started walking and cycling and I can see the changes in her mental wellbeing.
Mike you need to look at your recent losses to motivate you daily, think about the positives you are not in debt, you have a good job and have an opportunity to turn your life around. A great deal of us are in debt and I can honestly say that most of us have thought one big win will solve everything. Chances are there will be no big win, even if by some miraculous chance you did you would probably gamble it all away again. You only have to read the horror stories on here to identify that.
Keep focussed and strong and tell yourself you are not going to gamble today.
Amanda
Your story is very similar to mine, read my story on the new members forum, a few pages back. You will see that you are not alone in this plight. Very similar stories. My advice phew ......... computer blockers, self-exclusion bookies, doctors, cousellin the list of support is endless, but overall you have to want to stop otherwise ....... read and study this site, its full of fantastic help and advice, but determination has to come from you.
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