It started over a year ago, my Dad died suddenly and I started searching for a way not to deal with the grief. Online bingo was ok to start with but then I discovered online slots.. They have been the perfect distraction. I play for hours and spend far more than we can afford.
My husband thinks I have deposit limits but he doesn't know how many sites I am signed up to (I can't even remember).
Tonight I spent a huge amount on a new site before self excluding. I'm so ashamed of myself but I know tomorrow I will be looking for a new site.. How can I break this awful cycle? I am embarrassed to tell anyone
Hi Mumofboys, in answer to your thread title...You just did 🙂
It’s not pleasant that you have had to but you haven’t found your way here by chance, sadly though if you’re looking for someone to tell you how to get through this alone, it’s not going to be me. Although what I will say is knowing where it started gives you a leg up because dealing with your grief properly will negate the need to self medicate which is what you are doing with gambling. For best advice I’d say come clean with all your loved ones, find a good support group (GA being the most obvious one), think about having some counselling (GamCare can provide this free of charge), get your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken but I recognise how extreme this may sound so at this stage, I would start with just speaking to someone, anyone (a friend, a loved one, an advisor).
You’re not a bad person but addiction damages us in ways that we can’t fathom & makes us feel worthless. I am very sorry for your loss & I do completely understand that gambling gives you a release from your grief but it doesn’t help you process it which is what you will need to do & not by yourself (because as a Mum that’s how you roll now). You’re stuck in a vicious cycle & unless you are giving an Oscar winning performance all of the time, chances are your husband may know something is amiss anyway...Can you not up the ante with what he already knows & mention that you are feeling a little bit out of control with it? Maybe ask him to help putting some blocking software onto your devices (K9 is free, but there are other paid versions that might work better on your devices) or manage your finances for a bit (no money = no gamble)?
Whatever you decide, coming here was a great 1st step & this is a safe place to be to ride our urges which will hit you in waves when you 1st stop. Have a read round, you’re not alone & you will find diaries & posts that you think “I could have written that!” Gambling is like sticking a plaster on a broken heart, it’s never gonna fix it, probably nothing will but proper help will give you better mechanisms for coping with the pain.
You can move forwards from this - ODAAT
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