I feel so stupid

Hi Chrissy,

Sorry to hear of your current situation. I am in a similar position and can fully appreciate how you must be feeling right now. I have also found my gambling habits escalating over the last few months and it is easy to get into a situation where you think the next win is just around the corner or is due, before you know it you have lost everything and the realisation hits in. 

I would try to look forward and not back, whats done is done and cannot be repaired. More gambling to get out of the mess you are in will only inevitably make things worse. Have you tried to speak to an advisor on here or consider going to a GA meeting? You have taken the first step by posting your message on here and looking for help. It is always one day at a time.

I have started to use a gambling free day tracker and set a target of a number of days where i am allowed to treat myself or others with something as a reward for having gone a set number of days without gambling. This could be a good start for yourself as you do have thoughts about buying friends & family nice things.

Once you start to go weeks, months and will be able to do these things again without the worry of gambling you will start to feel better and relationships improve.

Hope this is some help to you?

G

Firstly, well done for being here.

Your story and situation is exactly where we all found ourselves before we first visited.  There is a journey ahead of you, but you've taken the first step.  Rather than overwhelming you now, I'd advise that you give the experts a call and be open and honest.  Don't be embarrassed or let pride take over, the experts are exactly that.

Then get some blocks in place to stop any opportunity to get more or waste more money, and have a read around this forum.  You'll see others in similar situations and examples of what they've done or are doing.

I'll pop back and check after you've made that call 🙂

Hi Chrissy,

I know that feeling so well. I did it to myself over and over again. All wages gone, nothing to live on, borrowing money. Told myself I wouldn't ever do it again. 

First thing to do is to self exclude with Gamstop and download Gamban. I switched banks to Monzo too, who can ban gambling transactions.

be kind to yourself, yes you've done this to yourself but you need help and support and love to get through this hellish addiction. Consider telling someone, a close friend or a partner if you have one. I thought I'd never do that, that no one could ever know my secret I hid for 4/5 years. But, although it was hard, I now know that for me, I needed to tell someone- for my recovery. It was hard but people were very surprisingly supportive despite what I'd done to them and it's the best thing I've ever done. 

Dont cling on to the wins or the hope that a big win will come along to solve all your problems. If your addiction is anythin g like mine, you'll just spend it all again anyways! 

Good luck, the folk on here are an amazing support- as is the gamecare phoneli ne and the counselling services. All the best xxx

Hi

When I walked in to the recovery program which is non religious for me, I was for sure emotionally traumatized, sadly I had got in to the unhealthy habits of burying and suppressing my pains.

I had lost all faith and hope in myself.

Yet when I read step one I thought that it implied my life was unmanageable because of the gambling and lack of money.

Sadly my life was emotionally unmanageable before I was even seven years of age.

My addictions and my obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable before my unhealthy habits came in to play.

The reference the buzz or the highs were very much adrenaline based, even before I went in to action I was already triggered by some emotional vulnerability.

The addictions and my obsessions were a form of escape, escaping people life and situations I coud not cope with emotionally.

My emotional anger triggers were my pains not healed. My emotional anger triggers were my fears not faced.My emotional anger triggers were my frustrations.

My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect causing myself pains time and time again.

It took time to understand when I feel emotionally vulnerable talk to a like minded healthy person in the recovery, it was important to call some one before I went back to my addictions and obsessions.

Why do we hesitate calling some one, it is the fact we do not value our self, do we fear emotional intimacy, do we fear appearing weak, do we think that we do not matter, is it fear of being honest.

For me living a healthy life is about my healthy interactions with another living creature.

Isolating myself in fear is not healthy, living in any kind of fear is not healthy for me today.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi Chrissy and welcome to the forum.

Thanks for taking that first step and making your first post. Just wanted to add a bit of info to help you take some of the steps that others have suggested.

A couple of people have suggested you call GamCare - our number is 0808 8020 133 or you can chat 1:1 at www.gamcare.org.uk/netline.

Someone also suggested Gamban. If you contact GamCare on the details above, we can give you a website which will allow you to install Gamban free on up to 3 devices.

Best wishes and keep posting,

Forum Admin

Hi Chrissy 

Your story is so similar to mine. I was so embarrassed of my gambling problem especially as I am a woman and initially thought it was usually men who have a gambling problem. This made is even harder to admit to myself, or want to admit to anyone around me. The embarrassment is crippling. Every month for 5 years I have gambled my wages away within 3 days of having them. Like you I borrowed so much. I’ve  had payday loans, unsecured  loans, credit cards until my report was such a mess I could no longer borrow from anyone at all (a blessing really!) This has lead to borrowing from family, something I hate even more than getting into other debts! This month is no different. I have now put every block I can think of in place and although I have not told anyone about my gambling (I know this is wrong but my decision  at the moment)  I have told my mum I’m Saving as much as I can right now  so wanted her to take control of my finances, which she has done for me. 

You can do this, you just need to put as many blocks in place to start with, and then move onto some form of counselling to get to the root of the problem (as it’s never about the money) 

keep looking through the support on here. The advisors are also so helpful and informative. I am only on day 9 I have not even began my journey, but I know now all I want is a life free from this hell. You can do this, and if you ever need a chat I am here. 

Hi Chrissy, 

I feel as though I am in the exact same boat. Trying to stay positive and I think the pressure just builds up and you try to win back all those losses but it never really happens. 

Keep trying to focus on the good and taking every day by the day as a milestone.