I have been a compulsive gambler for years. I originally joined approx 4 years ago just kidding myself that I wanted to quit I didn't want to but I thought I HAD to which is correct but my mind said who are you trying to kid. I spent 500 quid yesterday and then 170 today chasing the buzz, the big win but not caring until after that I lost. It feels like I am addicted to the highs and lows and do not know any different. I drink too much I have no self esteem but I have like many others the best family imaginable but they do not seem to matter when I feel the urge. WHAT THE f**k IS UP WITH ME. I feel almost evil, it'd like I enjoy pressing the self destruct button but WHY????? Why are they no ideas why is it everyones fault by me, why am I still here as I am a waste of space why cannot I understand who I am why do not know who I am and when will the mask slip. I am scared, upset, paranoid, lost and do not know how to be me anymore. I don't know how to love to cry to get angry or anything the only emotion is this..WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get to GA mate! I gambled way longer than you so don’t know how to be me (because I’ve never been me) but with the help of people who have walked in my shoes & experienced all of the feelings you are going though right now, I’m starting to figure it out!
I am sorry to hear you feeling so low, that’s very relateable not just because of the heavy loss but because now you can’t gamble anymore, you’re out of your gambling bubble & life is still going on! You’re not a bad person, you just took a wrong turn. Have a read round the site, ring the helpline...There is a way out from this terrible place you are in @ the moment - ODAAT
Hi AlanT75,
Thanks for your post, and well done for sharing it with us here in the forum.
It seems like you’ve been struggling with your gambling problem for many years, and in spite of having “the best family imaginable”, you’ve not been able to stop as you’ve wanted to. It seems like you’d benefit from professional help to overcome your gambling problem, and Gamcare is ready to help and support you every step of the way.
Sometimes everything seems bleak when you’re not sure of where you are, and also not in control. Just to make you aware that gambling problem is difficult to try and stop it by yourself; most people need professional help to overcome it. Thus you have taken a step in the right direction by posting here for support.
ODAAT has given you some good support and suggestions from his experience, and I hope you’ll heed to it and contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers for further help and support.
Our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
I wish you the best in your journey to recovery, Please do try and stay in touch, and keep posting!
Regards,
Beatrice
AlanT75.
I hope you have felt somewhat better since you posted last. I have no words of wisdom but I know what wretched feels like. Hopefully things will find a way of improving when you get the right help and support.
Keep going.
Hi Alan,
Gambling is an addiction for us, we use to escape reality and deal with feelings, emotions and the real world. We dont mature properly as we have learnt to run away from our problems and escape into the arms of a gambling bindge. Get to your nearest GA meeting and start working on the 12 steps recovery program. It wont happen over night and its not smooth sailing but it has helped so many people overcome their addcition to gambling. One day at a time, you can do it.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
