i have to believe

Another day down....a day spent golfing which was nearly rain free till the second last hole when the heavens opened and i got soaked lol. Tonight my team play in europa league and i can go to the pub with no money issues. However guys who i will be drinking with tonight will be betting on the match for sure....i will wish them luck and watch the game with peace of mind. Gone are the days of hoping for a first goalscorer or correct score...not interested.

Stay strong

Another day gone however had a few fleeting thoughts which i quickly scrunched up and put in the bin(in my head). Instead went for a long walk then read my book(jack reachers adventures) then amazingly done my ironing for the week ahead. All good.

Stay strong

Another weekend down with no issues and importantly no gambling. Been a bit tougher last few days as i have been surrounded by people gambling.

Not interested but dosent stop putting wee thoughts into your head which is kind of frustrating as i have done so well yet the monster still sits outside my door ready to pounce.

Thankfully my door is still bolted.

Anyway its been 30 days now and i was wondering whether i should transfer over to the recovery diaries to continue my recovery.

Is this this the right way forward?

Stay strong

Hi dez1, great going mate 🙂

Be careful mentioning your ironing ability if you do make the leap across to the diary section...People will be booking you in right left & centre 😉

I have a sneaky suspicion that the 'wee monster' will be forever by your side planning his next attack...Be prepared to give him a swift kick!

Keep strong - ODAAT

Well today after another defeat I have decided to have another go.

I have never left the forum but became disillusioned by how everyone became hooked on the toad fella. At the time I really needed support but the toad had distracted everyone and there was little support left for anyone else.

Thankfully he appears to have gone at last.

Recently I have been abstaining for a week or so at a time then collapsing. I can't afford to anymore and I don't want to anymore but I really cannot shift the thoughts when they enter my head.

Ultimately it's the fobts that are killing using the excuse of the horses to get me through the door of the bookies. I have self excluded from all shops in my area so I jump on a train to get my fix.

I have abstained before for 8 months andI loved it but I am really struggling to reach those dizzy heights again.

Anyway sorry for whingeing and hopefully rather than just hanging around the forum I can get involved.

So tonight I've been having a look at trying to understand the twelve steps. Using a website explaining them. Struggling. Not getting the first few steps which doesn't bode well. Does anyone have an explanation or example which simplifies. Why the higher power? You've made an inventory....OK then how do I use this to move forward? As I said struggling.

Not the best person to be posting to you about this but the steps aren't something you can look @ & be cured dez mate...They need to be worked through, one @ a time, with a sponsor who can support & guide you! I have a little red book that I picked up @ day@atime's Gloucester meeting which de-mystifies GA quite well... You can download it from the main GA site. I have tried to post a link but a) not sure about my link skills & b) not sure if I'm allowed to so it may be removed.

www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/index.php/files/66/General_Literature/0B6AtzEhsZofNQU1tVGdkMkJ6SHc/Questions_And_Answers.pdf

The thing about this forum is there are peaks & troughs, not always someone here when you shout out & that gives addiction the green light, proves that it will never let you down like 'we' do

I was going to whitter on but fate has intervened & wont allow me to finish that post so in short, welcome back, the diary section is a much better place for support & when you're ready to quit & commit, GA won't let you down if you chose that route 🙂

Thanks odaat. Tomorrow I am going to try and get stuck into understanding the terms and conditions of the steps. Think I still have the book you are talking about from my many g.a visit's. Been many times and never got it. Seen it prophesized on here many times. Don't get it. Probably me....bit of a closed book. Bared my soul in these rooms...still not got it. Not feeling the love that people take from it. Missing link for me seems to be how to take that short feeling of empowerment and put it in my pocket and when I need it just pull it out and fight. Why in all the times that I have been to g.a have I never been asked if I know what I'm doing there? Why has know one ever explained whati should be taking from it and making sure I understand. Yes we tell our story which feels good and yes we hear other stories which is empowering but I'm not feeling that I belong or I fit in or that the process makes any sense.

Am struggling.

TomorroI will try again.

-

Morning,

GA's all good but the Steps as well as the regular meetings are part of the program and it takes you outside the comfort zone. The literature talks about "working" the Steps and that's how it's done, it's work on yourself done with a sponsor and at Step meetings. The aim of the work is to bring about a personality change and growth, it's long term and it does work if you work it.

In six words, the Steps suggest the following way of living: Trust HP, Clean House, Help Others. But there are no shortcuts and no quick fixes, all of this is done by working the Steps and living life accordly. And there's no such thing as arriving at your destination after Step 12. It's for life.

Usually the HP causes resistance. The basic difficulty is the addict tendency to believe that they personally are the highest possible power, that they control and manage their world, possibly the world and the idea of surrendering control of their (unmanageable?) lives to a HP is not on. That's just ego and one result of working the Steps is surrendering and shrinking the ego. Historically, newcomers to AA meetings in more religious America would be told that there is a god and it's not them. For me personally, even before the discovery of the gambling and without going into religion, I don't want to run the world and am more than happy to leave that job to my HP and I don't expect my HP to consult me for approval of any decisions made, even if I don't like what's happening to me.

Hope this helps. Try regular GA meetings and Steps, it can get your life back.

CW

Again am struggling with the concept of an HP.

If for instance in religion it manifests itself in different forms and beliefs andI can then understand this. If ga is not religious and doesn't have an actual definitive embodiment if you like then who or what is the HP that I'm giving to?

My understanding is surely we are ultimately responsible for the paths we take and in that respect we are each individually theMasters of our own destiny. I can go to church and pray for something and have a belief because it is there in writing and scriptures and prophesies and there is a building and a person of God in front of me.

Is it a case of just believe in something?

Struggling

concentrate on step 1 before worrying about the rest. When you have thoroughly worked Step 1 with a sponsor, you may be ready to define your concept of HP. When you do come to the later steps you can substitute the words for Higher Power with the word Higher Wisdom.

dez1

Believe in yourself. You have tried and failed, we all have. You made the decision to search for help - it is there. However, you HAVE to believe, that YOU are the one to control whether or not you gamble.

We all have triggers and reasons to return to the safe haven of gambling, or the mistaken belief that we can have a little flutter. We cant! Accept it, and trust yourself.

It is easy to gamble, than it is to Not Gamble - so therefore, it will take a bit more work when presented with an opportunity or urge - work agsint it, and take the harder, more profitable, more satisfying option of stick by your resolution to not gamble.

I believe that you have the strenght to not gamble again - now you have to believe it.

I have not tried GA, but it obvious what the message is - share your problem, talk through your issues and draw off the support of the members - but unltimately it is your fight. Win it........

Good luck and continue to explore every option out there - you will find one for you

Hi Dez1

You "have to believe" that willpower alone wont do it and if you are taking the train to gamble it almost renders your blocks pointless and worthless. The main battle is admitting a problem and doing the groundwork in realising that you triggered time and time agin with no control

Gambling is the same as other addictions. I can have a bottle of beer and enjoy one. However I know of people where one drink leads to a three day binge and a stay in police cells.

So the argument is defended by the people who can have one bet on the horses and a cup of tea in there. I cant argue they have a gambling problem even if I dont consider it wholesome behaviour. I do feel they should find something better to do with their time though. In a sense how boring does life have to be to sit in one of those gambling dens.

So you have to be firm about what gambling has done to you. As you have crossed the line into compulsive gambling then you must treat that with the fear and seriousness it deserves. I believe that line is crossed by a large proportion of gamblers and indeed the industry want you to cross that line.

If you are bypassing blocks they are not strong enough to make you stop. Really blocking for you would have to involve the whole county and nationwide.

Only you know when you are ready. For me after a suicidal low, I suddenly got a grip about the odds and the fact I wasted thousands of pounds trying to win a fiver a day in my addicted mind. It scares me how out of control I was. The reality dez1 is that I still have things on my watch list that I could have bought years ago. I cant afford a bike wheel this month that I could have bought years ago with loads of other things...Thats what gambling did to me and it very nearly made me homeless if it wasnt for family help. It took my pride and the trust of others. Im glad Im honest about it though because I would rather have lost that trust then be staggering home like a zombie after losing all my money

Thats the pain that makes people abstain from gambling. I dont fully know if you are feeling that pain yet. Gambling ruins people. Its not about having a dabble for people like me because I wasnt playing for anything that made a difference anyway and I dont have the money I can afford to risk in that way.

There are various stages of delusion and I see people who just actually want to stop losing.

I hope you do build on the strength to be gamble free. Its a wonderful feeling of being in control

Best wishes from everyone in the forum