i have to believe

Thanks everyone for your input. It's probably obvious this time I really want to understand my compulsion this time and figure out how to put a firm stop on it as I really have had enough of this nonsense. To do this I need to try and get my head round the steps that are available to not only stop but continue to abstain .through the future years. I have never enjoyed or felt comfortable in the.a rooms annd as I have stated never taken much from the meetings,nothing long term

anyway and for that reason I won't at this time be going down that route.

However by putting in a 12 step search into Google I have came across a big book site I think it's called which takes you through the steps by word,by people's stories of their understanding of that step and video's.

I initially was giving each step a quick listen to until day@atime told me off and saidI should just concentrate on step1. You were correct. I have listened to a few people give their account of the step and yes there is a glimmer of understanding and a willingness to listen and consider. I will use these people as my sponsor as such and try to understand why I behave the way I do.

Before I just said I need to stop and hoped willpower got me through. But i need to understand why now. Yes 30 years of gambling is a hell of a mindset to break but break is what I need to do.

There is no fun in gambling anymore.It's a horrible fight which gets from a high to a miserable low in minutes. Why would a sane person continue to pursue a gambling career knowing that no matter how much I won I would continue to gamble knowing that I will eventually lose and put myself under so much financial pressure that I will lash out at anyone who happens to cross my path . Horrible.

Hopeful.

Sorry about the messy text above my tablet is playing games with me...rather frustrating!