Hi, I have been with my partner for 8 years now. I’m still in my twenties so this has been a lot to deal with. He has always gambled, like most I only discovered how bad he was in recent years.
He has loans out online, he never pays his bills, he has loans in credit unions, he’s constantly lying to me about not gambling.
Things came to a head when I found out he had stolen from our joint savings I told him I couldn’t do it anymore unless I seen massive changes in him trying to help himself.
I found a counsellor which he went to maybe five times and then said all she tells him is what I tell him. He went to one gamblers meeting and said it was just like mass and he didn’t get it or understand how that could help so he didn’t go back.
At one point he’d give me all his wages so I could control his finances but that soon stopped. He knows he has an addiction, he says that counselling or meetings don’t help him.
I’m at a stage where I do not know what to do anymore or how to help him. We have bought a house which is being renovated at the minute and he can’t even pay his car insurance every month never mind a mortgage.
I don’t want to leave him because he is my best friend and the kindest soul I’ve ever known but gambling is his weakness and now it’s beginning to make me doubt our future or how things would ever work out.
i would greatly appreciate anyones advice or experiences.
Hi, I am a compulsive gambler who only stopped when my wife found out. She immediately took over full control of our finances, changing login and password details on all accounts. My debit card was cancelled and our bank put a blocker on gambling transactions. This for us works, it may be different for you, but you need to stop him having access to money. The main thing is that your partner needs to want to stop to buy in to this.
You don't say how he gambles, if it's online get him to register with Gamstop and put a blocker on his phone to stop him gambling.
If he doesn't want to do these things, I'm sorry, but you need to be strong and make him realise you will not tolerate him being like this anymore.
For me, my wife finding out was the best thing that could have happened as it took away the reason for keeping going, forlornly hoping for the big win to recover what I had lost. My wife stood by me but I know that if I ever even tried to gamble again that would be the end and we have been married for over 30 years.
Speak to a Gamcare advisor, they are brilliant, and will help you with your own particular circumstances.
It's now over 2 years since my wife found out and she still controls our finances, which doesn't bother me, the main thing is that I am 2 years gamble free and life is so much better.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but he needs to stop for both your futures
Good luck
Hi one of the best things I ever did as a compulsive gambler was to tell my wife I was so scared of telling her because of the shame I was more worried that I had let her down.
she was amazing same as above instant blockers and I spoke with gamcare that night for over two hours they just listened and talked when needed he may just need that push from you a strong but fair warning that you can not go on like that.
gambling is a very scary addiction until I quit I didn’t realise how much of a dark place it had sent me too I was at the point where money or family didn’t matter I wanted to gamble and that was it.
the sad and scary thing is in his head he is in control he thinks he can still sort this and come out on top but he can’t once it has hold of you it will pull you further and further in.
im sorry if that got a little dark but it is one of the worse or even the worse of all additions because it is silent there is no going out buying drugs or waking up needing a drink all you need is a phone and money.
he needs support and help.
@melv1 Hi, I feel this post in so many ways, yesterday my gf found out we have a two year old son together. I was so scared of her finding out and thought I had it all under control.
Her finding out is the best thing that’s happened it’s really opened up on how much hurt I’m causing my love ones never mind myself.
today I’ve got Gamban on the phone and I will beat this. No more gambling. It’s ruined my life for nearly 20 years and it won’t ruin it anymore.
day 1 of forever done ✅ looking forward to day 2 and this isn’t going to beat me anymore.
Kial
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