I really need to sort my life out. I’m 33 and once again I’m heading back to square one hurting the people I care about the most. My family and friends
People around me are buying houses and I’m probably going to end up homeless again soon with nothing to my name
Get comfy it’s a long read
My name is Ashley, I have worked hard all my life. Never one to shy away from work. Been gambling since I was old enough too. Started as most teenagers do, bookies on a Saturday picking out accumulators. Bit of fun each week but god if I could turn back time I would.
Fast forward a couple of years and my wages would be going on the day I got paid. About 5 years ago it really spiralled out of control. I worked for a company in which I had access to the safe. I was basically using it as my gambling fund. A couple of times I was close to getting caught but a close friend bailed me out of trouble. I didn’t learn my lesson at all. Everytime I needed money it seemed like I could gamble my way through it
I took from the safe, I told my partner of 6 years and that was the final straw for her. She knew about the others times and she tried everything to help me, but as many on here know it’s not as each as that. Who could blame her, she wants the best future for her and her daughter. Not a waste of space like me
I went on a long long walk, thinking of the best ways to end my life, couldn’t even pluck up the courage to do that. I headed back and handed myself into the police and told them what I had done. I was kipping on my brothers sofa. Mum and dad were too angry to have me back home, and my brother lives in a tiny flat but was good enough to let me on his sofa. I spent 2 weeks on there walking every day as so much was going through my head just waiting for my court date. I had no vehicle, no partner, no home and no job. Lost it all. Got my court case and it was a few months away, I started 1 to 1 counselling which really helped. I was still gambling but eventually managed to stop. I then went to see the doctor as I felt depressed and started on anti depressants. I only stayed on them for a month because I something just clicked. I thought I’m still young I have the rest of my life ahead of me, I got a job delivering parcels, a job that would keep me busy and most importantly not handling cash. The job included a van so killing 2 birds with 1 stone. I have transport and a job. About 2 months later I had a flat from a private landlord. Yes I was in debt but it was a start. I had my court case which it was adjourned as I was sent to the magistrates court due to the large sum of money. The waiting game begins again
I then met my current girlfriend and her 2 children as we got to know each other she saw my name in a local news article, I was going to tell her when the time was right and she was angry that I didn’t tell her straight away. She stuck by me and before I knew it my court case was here. I thought I was going to prison but god looked down on me that day. The judge was kind and saw that I’m a hard worker and that I have tried turning my life around and the fact I handed myself in worked in my favour. I got some community service and a fine. A huge let off and a kick up the a**e to get myself sorted. Worked hard for a year with no gambling, things were on the up. I moved in with my partner
My partner has had health issues since she was born and was admitted into hospital. I went out for a few drinks with my mates and planned on sleeping on a mates sofa. But I woke up a couple of hours later and wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed. So I started to drive home and the police stopped me and breathalyzed me, the alcohol was obviously still in my system and another court case loomed.
4 months later I’m back in court worried this time they are going to throw the book at me. Luckily once again no Jail but I lost my license therefor lost my job. Not quite back to square one but a huge set back. This triggered my gambling relapse. Nothing major just small bets here and there but gambling non the less. That was 2 years ago
I was out of work for just over 2 weeks and started working at a warehouse where my dad works, I worked my way up to a management position and it’s a job I really enjoy. I’m still working there now. Last year my partner had a liver transplant, scariest time of my life. Never knew if she would pull through. She spent weeks in hospital and when she got out her dad booked us all a holiday in Greece to give her something to look forward to as the recovery would be tough and very long. We are due to go in 2 weeks and she and the kids are super excited. We have been saving spending money in one of them saving tins that you can’t open. About 4 weeks ago I started to panic as we had only saved some of our target. So I opened the bottom of it and took (you know where this is going) thought I could win a bit more to put in. Within a few days it’s all gone.
I feel like I’m back to square one, I was doing so well and worked so hard. Will lose
my family and probably be homeless. Why did I think it would be a good idea to start again. Why can’t I learn my lesson
Sounds like your a glutton for punishment most on here are or have been at some stage so your in good company
You clearly have a multitude of issues in your life and gambling is probably a trigger to a lot of the destruction
I was fortunate in the height of my gambling career i was still under 25 so the only person who felt the brunt of my stupidity was me
Gambling is like a handicap on your life i am easily 5 years from where i should be at this stage and the more you bet the bigger that handicap becomes
We all have a very very difficult few years of recession ahead of us due to wreck less economic management by both the banks and government in the last few years
We have around 6 months left before the proverbial hits the fan in this country
I would seriously encourage you to leave the gambling behind and start saving every penny you can
@givemethebuzz thank you, I know your right. It’s good to be around company that know what your going through
i have hurt so many people, lost good friends on the way because of my lying etc. And who can blame them. but me writing my story out is a relief of some pressure that’s going on in my body. I know I can’t do this alone and I know I need help. But hearing it from people who have never been through it is not easy because their answer is always “you need to stop gambling before you lose everything”
as if it’s that easy, would we all be here if it was. I have already lost everything once and clinging on to not doing it again. Just over 15 hours not gambling. It’s not much and it’s tough but it’s a start
@ae070889 I can relate to what you have said but it sounds like you have been getting by with not gambling rather than recovering.
At what point do you say enough is enough? For me it was getting to that place where I’d been many times before. Theft, police, homeless, shame, no future.
What did I do about it? Firstly went back to Gamblers Anonymous. When I’m there I don’t gamble. Secondly, the recovery. I worked a 12 step recovery program through GA which changed my life. It means I don’t react to problems like I used to. I don’t gamble to escape, I deal with my problems when they arise. I help others which helps me.
That’s my advice for you, get yourself to a GA meeting and meet others like you. You aren’t alone and there is hope. You might have to deal with the fallout of this latest issue but it will pass. Go get the help you need.
Chris.
@chris-uk thank you, I joined a similar programme a few years back and it definitely worked, it’s like any addiction it never really goes away it’s just a case of controlling it so you don’t do it. Easier said that done right
I have worked so hard these last 2 years to get my life back on track and felt so positive but it seems that I have gone back to my old ways and now the sleepless nights and not eating has come back. That’s why I came here, to let it all out with people that actually understand
@ae070889 I agree, this addiction is always there waiting. Because the recovery program is a daily program I now don’t give it chance, and my weekly GA meetings help long term.
I have to work at it, it’s not easier but it becomes easier.
I felt like you do. I worked hard to get life back on track and it took everything away. After many relapses, sometimes 2 or 3 years apart, I finally had enough.
I hope you feel the same way too.
Good luck.
Chris.
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