I need help

Hi @johnb74 ,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for sharing your story.

Lockdown has, indeed, had  a very negative impact on many aspects of life, including people's gambling habits. It's good to see you have made the decision to stop as from today and please let me assure you there is lots of help, advice, information and support available to you.

The Forum is a great place to come and get support from people who have been or are going through a similar experience to yourself. There is also a chat room each day at 1pm and again at 8pm, they usually run for an hour but during lockdown (staff numbers permitting) we have been extending the time period. Chat room is another place you can meet and interact with people who know what you're going through.

You can also gain support by contacting us on the helpline (0808 802 0133) or the netline where you can talk things through with an adviser and that could lead to a referral for some one to one professional treatment with one of our practitioners. .

We are here for 24 hours a day, so please get in touch of you want to talk further.

All the very best

Keely.

Forum Admin  

Hello john - you're not the world's biggest loser you just feel like that because youve lost but you have definitely made a huge courageous step to talk to someone - so stay strong & keep thinking about the future without the gambling - I know how you feel, I use to feel so fed up when I lost a lot of money and then kept thinking about all the things I could of bought with the money but now I think about all the things I can but with the money I use to throw away on gambling. Stay strong & keep talking & you will get through it 

It will be hard but WELL DONE for making the 1st step because that was the hardest step of your life 

Johnb74 I can understand exactly how you are feeling right now. I am feeling the same as this is my 2nd day free of a bet with loads of money lost. The hurt is real bad pal, there is loads of help out there, meetings ect but the most important part of staying away from a bet is you have to want it for your self and not only want to stop for others. If you take it a day at a time and think each morning you wake up, just for today I am not going to have a bet you will have a good chance pal. That's the road am going to try and take. All the very best.                                                                                                                                   Scottyboy

Thanks everyone,

The last few days have been easier and the main thing is I have not gambled.

Its amazing how this sneaky little voice inside us tells us, why not just one more time, surely you are overdue a massive win etc.

The worst thing is that I know I am a rational/ logical person in general but when it comes to gambling I’m like a zombie who does not care. I am feeling immensely guilty about putting my partner and son through this financial hardship. We could have had so much more if I had not gambled it away. 

On a positive note I am trying to come to terms with my 36k debt and will now try to get payment holidays, set up a token payment plan to see me through the next  6 months until I can decide if I need to go BR or can set up a long term Debt management plan. 

I have not told my partner yet, this is the hardest part and I just cannot bear to put her through this, so I have decided in the meantime to try and work my a*s off, with what work is available and repair this situation. I don’t want her to have sleepless nights like I have had, it’s not her fault. This may not be the best thing to do, I am still confused. I just want to start with seeing no gambling transactions on my bank statement - My statement currently looks horrendous - just looking at it wants to make me want to puke. 

Hello JohnB74

I'm sure the debt must be weighing heavily on you. Free advice is available - we list several sources of free debt advice on our website:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/finance-and-debt-management/

If you have business debts then Business Debtline can help: https://www.businessdebtline.org/

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

You know what I thought No one could help me as I got myself into it so why should anyone want to help me,  but what people think and have to say really helped me get through that hour then the next and so on, we all mess up that's what I can say but at the same time don't think it when I'm in the position,  help is great reach out let the help help you

Posted by: Kevthekev40

You know what I thought No one could help me as I got myself into it so why should anyone want to help me,  but what people think and have to say really helped me get through that hour then the next and so on, we all mess up that's what I can say but at the same time don't think it when I'm in the position,  help is great reach out let the help help you

Yes I get that and it makes sense but it just feels easier to talk to strangers about it, who know and understand the gambling compulsion urge, not my immediate family, who I know will be judgmental. 

The stories and mindset on this forum resonate with me, people that are not addicts will almost never understand what addiction is and judge us as weak- minded.

I have an addictive personality, when I was younger it used to be a lot of promiscuous s*x - luckily that stopped. I have been addicted to nicotine since I was 15 years old. I have not smoked for 3 years but still use nicotine gum and nasal  spray. Drugs - did a fair amount in my youth and stopped due to feeling an addiction approaching with C*****e. Been drug free now for almost 15 years. I do smoke the occasional joint ( very rarely though).

Thanks I have reached out to one of those you mentioned and so far been helpful. I have to arrange a telephone interview now with a SOA etc

Posted by: JohnB74

Hello everyone,

I am a long term compulsive gambler, its has been approximately 10 years now since I started gambling. Today I have decided to stop. 

I have about £36K of unsecured loans and credit card debt that I have no way of repaying and am on the verge of declaring bankruptcy. During the coronavirus lockdown alone I have blown about £10K.

I have a beautiful partner and young child and I just cannot see how I can tell them about what I have done. I feel like the worlds biggest loser. When I gamble I go into a daze and just keep putting the bet  button hoping for a big win to cover mey debt. This win of course never comes. I have been playing online video poker and online poker betting up to £25 a spin.

How do I stop this behaviour? Its like I am  in another world when I gamble and even though I cannot afford it, I just cannot seem to stop myself. At the moment i am very depressed and the only thing that lifts me up is winning something - I know this sounds ridiculous and weak!

I have a small business of which i am a partner but we have almost no work at the moment and I cannot see when this will improve. Due to Brexit and other reasons we lost a major client and now with coronavirus we have gone to zero.

Please help me to stop gambling.

Hi John,

your last line in your initial post was "Please help me to stop gambling". 

Through experience it's the things we don't want to do that help the most. Be strong and be honest with your partner. Whether she knows or not the problem still exists and in my experience it is very hard to keep secrets like this and act normally. Having secrets are usually an excuse to carry on, still living the dream life thinking you can fix everything before anyone knows. You just can't. It will catch up with you eventually so be honest from the start.

I know it will be hard and there are all possible outcomes, but the most common one is one of support.

Chris.

I'm honest with the people that I effect as that's then one less stress I've got to hide,  I know they won't understand but I can only say it as it is God sometimes I don't even understand but hopefully bit by bit hour by hour this money I've lost will stop messing in my head and as long as we can eat and pay the bill's then that's the way it will have to be for the next whatever time, I don't know,  to be honest I don't know how long I'll be with my partner but I'll hold on to I've got my kids 

I know exactly what you are going through. I have similar problems and the only reason I am here reading other people’s post is to distract myself and delay the hardest part which is to tell my husband(for the third time) about what I’ve done and how much debt I have. He has helped me twice before to pay off some of my debts but last time he told me he’d leave me if I do this ever again. And here I am..

I would rather die right now instead of telling him and make him suffer, but that’s not an option as it will ruin his and the rest of my family’s lives forever.

There’s no escape from it and I’m planning to speak with him today, and my only hope is he’ll forgive and support me one more time if I tell him the truth about what I’m going through and my addiction and depression problems.

I really hope you find the courage to speak to your wife, and everything goes better than you expect.

I hope it all goes well for you it's easy for others to say it will be o.k. but I know how you feel and that feeling at the pit of your stomach is real and who knows what the outcome will be but when your at the stage we've got to there's no other way apart from telling our loved one's where we are and hopefully work through it. I hope all goes well for you as we all make mistakes that's why we're humans

Hiya John 

Just thoughtI'd reach out and say hello,  so my friend how is your gambling?  Really hope you've been doing well but if not come back for a chat we're all here for you