Hi.
I have been clean from gambling for a few years up until recently and i have lost control again. I relapsed around 2 months ago and came clean to my partner. She forgave me but essentially made it clear i cannot do it again.
Last week i came across a site that is not blocked by my online restrictions and gambled again. Around £1000 in a few hours.
I have no credit to cover up and don't know what to do anymore. If i tell the truth i lose everything and if i dont i may not be able to control things.
I have recovered from one suicide atttempt 7 years ago and yet find myself with the same feelings of shame and hurt. We may not have money for food next week and thats down to me.
I have considered harming myself but cannot leave my children or family. However part of me wonders whether it is the lesser of two evils given that i may put my family through this many more times.
Should i just leave and disappear so that i cannot hurt those around me anymore.
Lost and Confused, hope i feel better soon.
Hi @Joecoop100 ,
Thank you for sharing your story on the Forum and I am very sorry to read that you're struggling with your addiction again and that you feel so lost and confused.
I am sure other users on the Forum will respond to this post with support and encouragement for you to try and stop gambling again. Relapses can be very common but with the right help and support, you can stop.
I would like to offer you a phone call to talk to you in person as I am concerned with how you're feeling. If this is something you would agree to, please email forum.admin@gamcare.org.uk and we can arrange a call at a time that suits you. I feel like you do need support right now.
We do also offer our service for partners and family members so your partner is more than welcome to get in touch with us too.
Our helpline (0808 802 0133) and netline services are available 24 hours a day, every day of the week and all our advisers are totally non judgmental, we deal with stories such as yours every day, so please either contact us, or email us and we will contact you. Whatever time day or night you would like to talk, we can arrange it.
The Samaritans is also available 24 hours on 116 123.
Please don't worry about getting in touch with us Joe.
All the very best
Keely
Forum Admin
Hi Joecoop,
Believe me I bet almost every single one of us has relapsed..I expect some more than once or twice. Initially I know the feelings of guilt etc, I don't wish to say too much but regarding mental health I know very much so how it feels. I did the same as you found sites I wasn't blocked on, so I set up gamban maybe that will help you too?. You have beat this once, I believe you can again.
Try to keep talking on here. Also as mods said do get professional help/advice with everything
Keep going forward
Libby
Life was not made to be easy, we have easy days and hard days. Keep going and things will get better.
Take care Scottyboy
Depression is basically dwelling on past thoughts. Let it go. You can not change the past you can change the future with what you do now. Make a goal. Decide to change things and take and own responsibility for the things you do. Do it for your family. It is completely about attitude. If you stood in front of your mirror in the morning saying for every day in every way I will get better and better 21 times for 21 days. I can guarantee you that this idea will anchor in your head and you will feel much better for it. Sounds crazy but it works. Then start planing on where you should seek help. Depression must be dealt with responsibly and you should see someone who can help you. Call the helpline here. They will point in the right direction.
All the best. You can do it!
C
Ho Joecoop and welcome.
This is your statement which sums up how the mind control addiction twists your mind 180 degrees into looking the other way
"I have no credit to cover up and don't know what to do anymore. If i tell the truth i lose everything and if i dont i may not be able to control things."
The reality is that secrets are no good for you. telling the truth and experiencing a born again moment is what you need to recover from this.
You are already losing everything....do you understand??
Your spouse would find out anyway sooner or later. If your mind thinks you got away with this one you will be back gambling again. Again the truth is you didnt really get away with anything...you bank balance shows the truth and the hurt is inside you festering away at your soul
You didnt get away with anything...your addicted delusional mind is scared and compensating for the pain
I gambled in secret because I knew it was a very naughty thing( to put it mildly) to be doing. In no way was it a wholesome activity my family work colleagues or boss would have accepted.
Honesty and openness are actually your saviours. You cant live a lie and people can only help if they know teh truth. Yes she will be shocked but i would argue that a gambling addiction kept secret is far more dangerous to all of you.
You need help and you will get help. You know what gambling has done to you and its got more of that in store. A break away from gambling is not teh ultimate sign its all gone away.
I know you need to come clean to your partner and her all control of teh family finances at the same time.
Stay on the forum keep talking it through and i look forward to your replies.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
I hope you called this team. I did after wanting to end it all on Monday. please call., accept help. then you can deal with this. You are not alone. This illness is evil. You wouldn't tackle something like cancer without help. Please
Hi Joe
Try not to dwell too much on the past and focus on the now , no one and I mean no one is perfect , you need to get your head straight , talk to someone I think someone mentioned a helpline in the thread ,then you can concentrate on doing something about your re-lapse . I cannot stress enough how important it is to do what you can to stop you gambling
I too haven’t gambled for nearly 3 years then all of a sudden bam I’m back playing the slots worse than ever before . I have banned myself from every creditable online casino , I can’t even provide any ID to be able to withdraw funds (if I win )my mum has them in her possession and is instructed to under no circumstances to give me them , I am a member of gamstop I have internet blocks in place ,blocks on my phone .
I have still managed to find a way , so now due to my re-lapse , aside from the financial worry ,I am doing everything I can to improve the blocks I have now blocked my new phone with Gamblock (it costs around £2.50 a month , a small price to pay under the circumstances) and iv sent for a new bank card (which will be sent to my mums ( she will scratch off the security number so i cannot make on-line payments )
Paypal blocks on gambling sites (done through them)
What I’m trying to say is , my mum plays an enormous part in helping me stay gamble free , I told her what I’d done the disappointment in her voice was unbearable, and it was very difficult telling her , tell someone , ask for help do it quickly before the situation gets worse . Get the blocks in place , and please try not to beat yourself up too much your not alone x
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