i really dont know what to do anymore

Hi Ray, I got every word so no need to apologise for what is pretty good English...Welcome to the forum 🙂

The problem for me when I was gambling is that I thought it was a financial problem but it isn’t. It’s true, we cannot win because we cannot stop but addiction runs much deeper & we can’t break the cycle with the same mind that got us into it. I don’t know whether you are UK based where you can have free counselling through this site, or still in the Nertherlands but there are GA groups all over the world where you can get support from people who know how to manage this addiction. Just like your lovely family can’t make you stop, no win would ever be big enough either I’m afraid & so good on you for recognising that you need help & being brave enough to share your story and good on you for shutting down that account. Unfortunately as you say, there are many greedy companies out there wanting your hard earned money so you need to somehow stop your access to money & the best way to do this is to ask your wife for support. I understand you are leading a double life @ the moment but gambling thrives on secrecy & if you are feeling depressed, she may be worrying about you already. This site can offer any of your loved ones that you manage to tell, support too if they need it and GamAnon is a meeting group for people affected by our actions.

You are definitely not alone & I hope you find some comfort here & the tools you need to start living the life you want - ODAAT

Hi Ray, your English is perfectly fine and welcome to the forum. English is not my first language either and I know how much of a courage is required to write publicly were everyone else writes so eloquently. I also happen to know that it takes even more to seek help from fellow gamblers and from my short stay here I can promisse you - you are in the right place.

However, you need to put some measures in place for a start and as ODAAT said speak to someone. I cannot tell you if your wife would be the best person to provide all the support at home you need, nevertheless she must know. Telling her will give you the space you need in order to put things right. It is otherwise extremely difficult to have any restricting measures around the house such as internet access and money. Don't rely on willpower as this is not going to get you anywhere. I would've relapsed last night had I not blocked all gambling sites via the net provider and passed on account details to my friend to monitor and manage restrictions.

Look around the forum as there is a mountain of good practical advice. Stop torturing yourself watching those you tube videos! The people streaming them are most likely in your position hanging onto the hope to earn some money from addvers to feed their next bet. You can do better! We all can!

Wish you all the best. You've taken the first step don't stop now!

Hi guys, first of all i want to thank you for making time to post a comment for me. A few days ago was the first time ever i spoke about my adiction inhere, it was really hard to put it all on paper. I must say after the replys i felt a bit stronger allready. I thinks its because i dont feel alone anymore?

Im almost 2 days gamble free now.. its not much but hey i need to start somewhere right. Today i was thinking alot about gamble again , the feeling was getting stronger and stronger so i decided to make another post inhere instead. I still didnt told someone in real life about .. im realy scared for what is happening next if i do tell them.. i so scared of losing my wife.. for now im gonna take it day by day and will try to stay active at this forum. Thanks for lissening to me .. I hope we can all stay focussed . Gonna try my best .

Hi Ray .... my advice would be to get blocking software on all devices you use to gamble, i have relapsed to many times but ever since i installed the software it makes it extreamly difficult for me to place a bet even if i wanted to, can also relate to not telling anyone about my problem as i have mostly kept it to myself .... keep reading and posting on here things can get better if you really want it to .... i wish you well

Hello my advice is ur doing write by taking day by day and ur write each partner takes it differently bout ur addiction cause on hear you read partners on here who can't cope whit the halves addiction so do whats best for you but I strongly recommend you to self exclude from every site or bookies you can it really helps

hi all thanks for the words and tips so far ! So here we are day 3 still not gambling... Got some question for today, hope i can get some answers. De sad and depressed feelings , is it because i aint gambling at the moment ? Mabey its not the same for everyone but just wondering how it works normally. Just wanna know after how many days gamble free this sad feelings will be gone . Something like gamle "detox" ? I hope it wil going fast.. normally i just go gamble to lose this feelings for some hours, but thats the addiction right ? Still trying my best for now , hope i will make it.. Oh and whatsup with the blocking software ? I would like to know more about it and where i can download it. Gr Ray

Ray, I feel your pain,.. tonight has been the worst night for me in over 3 years, I started gambling when I was 18... got so bad I lost everything, couldn’t even have anything nice because it would get sold to gamble! I got it under control and worked forward and was clean for almost 2 years gambling... I got all my nice things back, started socialising again, and now tonight 1 50pound bet has lead to me emptying my bank account on Christmas Day! I feel sick, suicidal and like a complete failure. It’s meant to be one of the nicest days of the year, instead it’s the worst, everything is gone. Your not alone, and I feel for you I do! The cycle needs to be broke and the money you have lost is gone. You will never get it back and remember this is ruining you, so why do we keep doing it? I will sit here now, debating on what to do... it’s torture, we are our own worst enemy. Just be strong. Stand up to it and kick gambling in the face, it’s not worth this! Sorry again

Ruined, please take care and remember those previous 3 years .. I know, I really know, the aftermath is hell or torture. Lot's of people go out on Christmas and backslide. Lot's and lots but numbers don't make it any easier. I remember one year going out gambling on the holidays and going to my lowest low. I've struggled lots recently with this addiction and almost also went out today. I had it in my head. I had time wide open to me. But I was so stressed from work and still the feelings left over from the last time out that I just could not physically do it.. I felt like I'd die. Take care .... if we did it once... built ourselves up a bit... we can do it again. Be well. breath. much caring to you . tara2

Hi Ray, it is you addiction, yes! As you say, the gambling makes you forget you are sad for a while so yes, by stopping it, you are left alone with painful feelings. Unfortunately, the hurt doesn’t just go away...You need to chase it away with all the help you can get usually from counselling or from GA. There is no magic time frame but the harder you work @ making a new gamble free life, the faster you learn to cope with the sadness. You must always remember that gambling doesn’t help. It may make you forget for a while but afterwards the original problem is still there AND you have no money.

There are many different types of blocking software which you can put on your devices to stop access to gambling sites. I don’t know which ones are best but K9 is free. I think some others are Netnanny, Gamban, Betfilter, Gamblock but you should maybe ask GamCare about this via the phone or Netline.

It’s very early days of you writing your feelings down & lots of people feel like you are now. It’s also very normal to be worried about what your loved ones will say but they may know something is wrong anyway. It is hard to cope with addiction but there is help available here for you & them as well as meetings (GA for you, GamAnon for them). I didn’t leave my bed for 3 days when I 1st stopped because I felt so broken but all the bad feelings I get now are manageable because I’m not making things worse by gambling. Try & keep busy & keep pushing on, you must be strong but it does get easier - ODAAT

Yes Tara, it’s now a couple of hours on, and I can’t rest... it’s the “what is life” that just keeps going through my head. Life is gambling right now, don’t know I really don’t