I want to feel normal again

Serenity welcome to the forum. It certainly seems that you are stuck in a rut with regard to your compulsive gambling. For many years I would frequently spend time in the bookmakers at any given opportunity - before, during and after work. Betting on every race. Some wins, many loses. I just couldn't help myself. I'd justify my actions to say that I needed some time-out by myself. But it wasn't until many years later after analyising my actions that I accepted the truth. The fact that I had wasted thousands of hours spent gambling, and thousands of pounds lost. The notion of winning a fortune became less convincing.

Similarly, I divorced because of my gambling debts. Lost everything and only got to see my kids at weekends.

You seem to be thinking things through and want to give up gambling. There is lots of helpful advise on this forum. Honest accounts from people who have been in your position and managed to turn their lives around for the better.

I wish you well and hope that you leave this soul-destroying, destructive addiction behind.

Thank you changemylife -i appreciate you reading my post. Are you ok now and have you been able to give it up or are you still battling with it all?

Hi Serenity, welcome to the forum 🙂

Looks like from your joining date, you've known for a while you have a problem? Hopefully now you have found the strength to reach out, you will use the momentum to move forwards. 15 years is a long time under the gambling spell but I did longer & much the same as you do chasing losses only mine was all done in shops (because thankfully I couldn't make sense of the online stuff) but I'm coming out the other side now. I'm not sure I ever knew what normal felt like but I have glimpses of it now & I like it. I've been on the forum for a similar amount of time, initially abstaining from gambling (the devil in me clinging onto the lottery for reasons that I can no longer justify), joining GA in December when I accepted I needed more than just stopping. I still don't know exactly why I gambled but my early thoughts of it being for financial gain have been disproved...You can't claw back our sorts of losses & if we did, we cannot win because we cannot stop.

Time to draw a line under the figures, phone the helpline & arrange counselling or see your GP for the same, maybe step through the doors of GA with an open mind & commit, let the secret out so it loses it's power & maybe enlist the help of a loved one if you can, to help manage your finances (you should be able to figure out a comfortable plan on your salary without any assurance from a charity/DMP etc) & assist you with self exclusions & blocking software because the barriers will help with the urges.

Gambling is a fairytale, it promises so much but all it does is break us...You can live a much happier life, you just have to be prepared to work for it - ODAAT

Thank you for your advice ODAAT --I will think about your advice and appreciate it.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

This afternoon I saw the news and found out Celtic were playing tonight - drove past a bookies and pulled the car over to have bet - thought about it and decided that an obscure bet(corners/goals etc) would only bring in a couple of hundred pounds if it won and that it was better to abstain. Had my last bet yesterday and want to keep it that way - temptation is everywhere!!

Hey Serenity - it looks like you have passed your first test of temptation. Well done!!

I'll be sending you a big chunk of cyber grit and determination to help you stay gambling free.

Yes, I do still battle with the temptation. But it feels like it would be just one bet that could possibly create a domino effect; an uncontollable roller-coaster car crash. I want to remain GF for my own sanity and security.

You may wish to visit my diary to gain an insight with my thoughts and gambling history as we may have stuff in common. I have also tried to work out the source of my addiction - various influences from amusement arcades, games and risk-taking. I have found it helpful to do this. Knowledge is power. Take care mate.

thank you chamgemylife - I will read your diary and appreciate your message. I'm really into(or should i say used to be) football betting and so i know the new season will be a test for me.Spent some money on treats for the kids today and it felt good!

Serenity. Now that the football season is here, how are you doing?

Hello Changemylife

Sadly I have fallen off the wagon and had some football bets - this has watered down my efforts to stop and meant I have lost the clarity of thought that I had when I first posted -I have reset my days since I gambled - I need more cyber grit !!!!!!

Thanks for asking.

Hi Serenity.

There are moments in a proper recovery when you will feel serene because you finally understand that you must be blocked from it and gambling is not for you.

In this moment of stength you need to self exclude and start really focusing on all the money you have lost. Its not an income scheme and you need to get to grips with the mathematical odds.

You are not alone. I have been attracted to machines since I was 12 years old and the lure was stronger than anything else at a seaside resort or indeed any high street.

Reading through you mention obscure bets which says much. I had to learn that gambling is just not for me because I cant control it and theres much more going on in my head than wanting to win money.

You have to reach a born again moment when you are truly ready to stop.

I dont know what feeling normal is but I do know that my life is much better being gamble free.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks for your support and advice

Serenity. Sorry to hear that you've continued gambling and lost more money, but like Joydivider says - its got to come from within yourself to really want to stop. For some, the time has to be right. Many will have to reach their lowest ebb; perhaps unable to meet their financial commitments, losing their house, partner, pride or health. For others it may be a moment of enlightenment. A painful admission that we have lost the battle (predictably) to a world of gambling, that never gave an ounce of care for our unhappiness or wellbeing.

Serenity. How are you?

Hello changemylife .Thanks for asking.

Sadly I have had to reset my days.I have very little will power regarding gambling and need to try something different.I still believe I will get a big win and clear some debt but deep down know this is nonsense.May try counselling.

Thanks again!