I'm so ashamed

Now self excluded and feel aweful. My boyfriend is downstairs and im up here hiding away.

Hello,

3 weeks ago I told my dad about my gambling addiction and debts. I put myself off telling him for 2 whole years as I thought he'd get mad at me and also disappointed.. When I come clean to him, i told him by text messa as it was a lot easier to word. He was very supportive when I told him and he was calm.

Having someone close to you that knows you're problem can really help you as you can tell them when you get urges etc. I know it's very hard to speak about gambling but will it all come out the end before you tell someone? For most people it will,for me it was 2 years but for some it takes 10 years.

I think the sooner you tell someone close, the sooner you can beat you're addiction with the close help of others. This was the best choice I made by telling my dad about my addiction.

Also as you said, self exclude yourself from any sites/bookies you may use. Also Phone gamcare and speak with them if you need a shoulder to cry on when times are hard like now.

1-1 counceling may help you too i had this in March this year and was very helpful. Tomorrow will be day 1 no gamble for me.

Wish you all the best.

Chris 🙂

Hi, you're not alone, the slots are a killer. They look like easy money but it's a lie, they will eat your money like a hoover. Your list is great, it makes it real like real life. When we gamble we become another perosn, selfish, zoned into gambling like a zombie, we don't eat, don't sleep, stop washing, even stop eating, the focus on the job becomes zero which can mean losing the job or worse still, having an accident through loss of concentration. All this to nick a few quid with a dream of getting rich quick. Abstain for a short period and watch your money mount up, eat well, sleep well, give your time to others, listen to others, live a new life as it's a much better life. I'm saying this to you because i now exactly how you're feeling right now, the losing makes you want to have another gamble, try and fight the feeling, keep busy.

Hi, Jasper,

I'm also married to a CG, I found out the hard way and it made a bad deal much worse for me. i would urge anyone in your position to tell their other half.

Recovery is achievable but it's not easy. If you want it, you will need help, from GA or Gamcare.

Well done on the self exclusion but make sure it's permanent. It may be worth self excluding from other websites that you've looked at or thought about, before you're tempted to start again elsewhere. Get your bf to look after your money and dole out minimal pocket money. Other possible steps are to trade your visa bank card for a cash card so that you can't deposit and trade your internet mobile for a non internet mobile.

Ultimately, it's your call as to whether or not to go into recovery, no one can do it for you, make you or stop you. The advice is out there on the forum but what counts is what you actually do, whether you actually do what it takes to follow it. Thinking, considering and promising make no difference.

Wish you well,

CW

Its half 10! Prime slot time! But instead i have eaten well, cleaned dog kennels out, done some washing, rang my mum and feeling positive. Tomorrow should be a good day too as have no money to gamble anyway! Friday will be the test as i get paid for some extra work i did. then off on holly bobs for a couple of days to see family! Lets see

Hi Jasper

Do yourself a favour and tell your boyfriend now, before payday!

As both half life and cynical wife have said, give control of your finances to someone you can trust.

We can only offer advice, it is you who has the choice on whether to follow up. I like the fact that you have made lists. We have a saying in our GA group.... "you haven't done THAT yet!" Perhaps you could make a new list of what you haven't done yet?.... Have you stolen money, pawned items to finance gambling, fobbed off family so you could ganble, debt collectors sending letters or telephoning, facing prosecution or possibility of jail? These are just a few possibilities that can happen to you.

I can guarantee you that if you stop gambling you will have a much better, happier life, than if you continue gambling.

Best wishes

D

Day 1- Thank you to everyone that has commented. Some of the advice is really helpful and i am now looking forward to reading what people think. Very much appreciated, thank you.

Up an 9.00 feeling positive. Not able to gamble as have no money in the bank. Unless you count having 34p as having money. Made a list of jobs to do today which should help me stay on track-

• Feed and clean dogs and chickens.
• Go and get corn/dog food
• Get stuff ready for trip
• sort spare room out
• wash and dry some clothes
• Sort out accounts
• If time look at the possibility of setting up a P[ayment paln with one payday loan company

I am going to try and reflect on an aspect of my gambling addiction each week so here it goes.....

Triggers- What has triggered me to gamble?

I think it started when i was at university. I used to play poker with my friends but it was a social event at a pub or somewhere like that. We always really enjoyed going together and had a good laugh. Then we started playing it on the internet. Together we would enter tournements and stay awake till 4am. But this was as a group. I then started playing on my own but as a broke student anyway found it hard to keep up. That fizzled out quite quick and i was gamble free for a couple of years. One id finished university i came home and was reuinited with old friends. One night we decided to go to the casino. We played blackjack, drank, laughed and won quite a bot of money. The buzz was imense. Me and another firend, who now looking back on this probably wasnt the best person to be around given my addictive nature, started going to casion just the two of us. Again we had a right laugh and seemed to be quite lucky together. We had this mixed up notion that we were beating the casino and even contemplated carears in this area. We realised that this was becoming too frequent and we began loosing money so we made a pact to stop going. Although i know she went on her own sometimes and i had even contemplated going on my own too. We had got to the point that the card dealers knew us by name and vise versa.So that fizzled out. Years passed before i started to dablle again. I think it was when i got my current job and started earning a desent amount of money. I began playing bingo on the internet. But bingo turned to playing those little games on the side that drain your money away. They let you won sometimes but when you work it out it is never what you put in. I excluded myself from two or three sites when i realised i was lossing too much money and getting into debt. I started to recover my finances and life went on for a bit. Then the summer holidays kicked in! yey! Finally time to myself! But bordem set in and i found a new casino site. I began playing on the slots and again felt like i was winning for a while.But yesterday i calculated the amount i have spent vs the amount i have won and its really upsetting. reflecting on all of this i think these are the reasons i went to this dark place-

• The thought of winning that golden jackpot that would change my life- in comparison i already have a really good life
• Being on my own- Find thing to do
• The friends i have chosen to spend time with- Know who your real friends are and spend time with them
• I get easily addicted to lots of things- Descract myself
• The thought that i could maybe beat the banker one day- You will never win
• When i feel ive lost control of my finances - Put someone else in charge of my money

Lets hope today stays positive.

Its now 12.35 and im feeling low. all i can think about is getting paid tomorrow and what website i might be able to find my favourite slot on. keep busy, keep busy, keep busy .......... urgh!!!!1

Think about how you will deal with tomorrow - both emotionally and practically. What are you going to do with that money?

Hi,

Sounds like you need to take some serious steps tomorrow in order not to gamble.

You appear already to be making plans which do not bode well

As you say - keep busy. It's a must.

Good luck and best wishes

Hi Jasper 87, it's really easy to stop gambling when you have no money, the hard part is when you have been paid, take cw's advise x

Jasper,

You have a choice. Either:

a. Do nothing (ie make lots of lists, think lots of thoughts but don't do actually anything that will get in the way of gambling), then gamble tomorrow until all your money is gone, then post about how bad you feel?

Or

b. Take preventative action NOW, tell your OH and hand over your card, find your nearest GA meeting and go to it, ring GamCare for support?

Only you can decide.

CW

Your choice.

Hello, I live in Ireland. I lost €15,000 Euro on Sunday Night. Max Credit Card Limit. € 8 left now. I stopped working 3 years ago and went back to college, I am 52 after a succesful business after 20 years. I had I thought gambling under Control until a few weeks ago, I switched to Virtual Horses, at first I thought I had them figured out and had a few wins. I always wanted to win more, and If I lost I got angry and wanted to win it back. I had 15,000 Clear Bill last Sunday Evening on my Card after buying loads of stuff and shopping. I said I would top up my Credit Card with a few more Wins. I went to Bed at 4 am with my Credit Wiped out. I want to Commit Suicide. My Sister is Dead in Uk and I cant afford to go over. I am making excuses to my Family about having College Interviews and stuff. I feel like a piece of s**t. A few years ago I paid for my Sisters Holiday, now I cant attend her Funeral. I am useless. I have a House paid for, I have Money to pay Credit card or will in a few weeks. But the way I feel now is just undescribeable. I cant tell anyone, I would rather Commit Suicide. I am an Alcoholic also Sober for 24 Years in AA Programme, So I know all about 12 Steps, but they were useless against gambling. Just wanted to add, I worked in Prague for a while in the 2000s and had savings there. I have withdrawn them now to pay for this latest loss, they were my little pension for a rainy day. Now I have lost them in a few hours.