In such a mess

Dear Jacqui,

First of all, welcome to our Forum. Its good you're sharing openly about your gambling and how much its affecting you. Well done for finding the strength to share with your mother too, although I can see you felt she was not sympathetic. I hope you can find some support and solace here.

If you haven't done already, please do get in touch with our Helpline. Our advisers are non-judgmental and you can talk together through all of your options for support. Both our phone helpline on 0808 8020 133, and live chat in the bottom right corner of the web page, are open 24/7 so you can get in touch any time that's convenient for you.

Just to let you know I have made some small edits to your post too, removing amounts of money won as some Forum members have mentioned they find these trigger gambling urges for them. Thank you for your understanding.

All the best

Jamie

Forum Admin

Hiya, so sorry to hear about your situation. Tough times for sure.

I am also a slot addict. Gambling on anything else has never appealed to me. As you know all slot games are designed to be addictive and to take your money. The more you play the more you lose.

Personally I think most slot players gamble to escape themselves. I think most of us, me included have low self-esteem and a level of depression. When gambling we don't have to think or feel anything real, just the drip feed of adrenaline as we anticipate the next win... which mostly doesn't happen.

Slot machines whether online or in a gambling den are very dangerous to people like me and from what you say, you too. the only solution is not to play.

Have you put up any practical barriers? Registered with gamstop? Blocking software?... If you can't access gambling then you can't gamble your money away.

Remember: You can't win because you can't stop. Simples.

Thoughts are with you.

Love slots or love getting zoned? Normally we run to gambling to escape something we do not want to think about. Do you know what it is? Why do you disconnect? Our minds are like orchestras. There are a lot of moving parts. One small part is in our prefrontal cortex. It tells you that if only you can win this or get that you will have enough to sort it all out but even if you won you would as you said have become even more active to spend it all again so in fact you are walking around lying to yourself so you can gamble some more. Gambler's fallacy is something we all have to deal with at some point. So at this stage you need to take charge and ask yourself what you do want from this point moving forward because you have already asked yourself what you don't want and that does not yield any good results. Make plans follow them and take charge. Start by getting some counseling and that would have been your first task accomplished. That is a good start.

I wish you well!

Best

C

@forum-admin oh I'm so sorry I've only just saw this and after replying to someone else and mentioning sums of money I'm sorry I'll make it a point not to do that in future thank you for the reply x

@s-687 hi thank you for the reply how horrid is that feeling of having nobody else to blame but you ? I don't understand why I can get up to perhaps 20x my original deposit then hear the rational voice in my head saying withdrawal now but the other voice like no keep going you've been lucky this is a good day keep going you'll get another bonus and even when I'm dropping by the hundreds in matter of minutes I keep spinning it's insane and fact I know it's insane but keep doing it messes with my head even more. Before I would deposit and even just getting a little above my deposit was great I would cash out and put the money to good use but now it's like anything under perhaps 20 X what I deposited isn't enough I keep pushing for bigger and when I get that even if I do cash it out I just put 90% if it back in to other sites. I tried to block myself but when I gave my details apparently I wasn't found on the system so I could get an all over block from playing which I don't understand as I gave all info name address dob etc 

@c43h very interesting you ask what I'm trying to block out I don't know I remember speaking to a psychologist way way back when I was misusing drugs and she went way back in to my child hood I had a horrid father and she thought a lot of him was to blame for how I can be now I honestly don't know I don't even think of him haven't spoken to him in over 10 years the way I see it is I'm an adult I know otlr should know right from wrong so I'm to blame for all my wrong choices and trust me there's been a few oh I don't know lol I would just love to be normal and social media is the worst I think I seem to go on FB and everyone is the perfect mum has the perfect relationship which can't be true all the time but has a way of making me think we'll thats it then that confirms it my life is c**P ? I just want better for my child yes she has a nice clean home no she doesn't go without but that's because even when I do mess up loose money gambling I borrow to cover it but then that's stress on me which she must pick up on and no doubt people must be talking asking wondering why I'm running short so often I always pay back so that's one thing nobody can say I owe them but I can't believe none of them have actually approached me like what's going on here. I just need to break this cycle and get my act together it's ridiculous 

I agree that it is correct to take responsibility. If you own the choices you make it will always start and end with you. 

The lending to pay back to play to lose to lend again is just the gambler in you keeping all the moving parts going. 

If you have a think about what you want to do. You will have progress. If you only think about things you don't want to do you will stall.

Make goals and start to reach them. Plan and reach many goals. Small ones so that you can make many more. And then start to take charge of the ship you are sailing because no ship can sail without a captain and that captain is and can only be you.

CBT is very good to get when you need to sort out your mind. The admin here can point you to someone who can help you.

I wish you well.

Best

C