*originally posted by Dominic2016 on threads by Glint and It's Over Now The Rain Has Gone, on Friday March 11th 2016.*
Hi there guys I am looking for advice,
My name is Dominic.
I am currently 25 years old but turning 26 years old.
It all started really around 2 and half/ 3 years ago. I lost my job then started gambling on roulette in my local ******, I kept winning every day for around 2-3 months and I ended up being £9,000 up in profits. So then I spend around £3k in 3 days partying with my friends and paying for everything, then I went back in the bookies. Over the next month or so I lost the remaining £6k profit on the roulette, then because I had previously won had the idea that I would win again. So I took out two seperate loans for the combination of around £7k lost this all then I stopped. So around January last year I was gambling again and my long term girlfriend found out then we had a big arguement then she promised me that she would leave me if I ever did it again. Since then I did not gamble until Nov 2015 when it all started again. I took out a credit card with my bank, with a limit of £3,000. So the last few months basically I have now increased my total debt to £17,400, this includes £4,200 which I owe to my father for a car finance which he previously paid off for me which I have subsequently sold.
The last few months I have been betting on my iphone, I have been winning obvioulsy then being greedy then losing then taken out more loans including three short term pay day loans. I cuurrently live at home with my parents so two days ago once I had lost all my wages and lost another £2,000 through short term pay day loans I finally stopped ! I called up gamblers anonymous this wednesday 9th, then spoke to them for an hour they gave me the confidence to tell my parents and brother and sister who I have told aswell as my long term partner. I have a full time job and am on annual leave for the next two weeks, luckily as I am still living so I can afford all the monthly payments.
My long-term girlfriend is turning 30 this year and we had planned to go to on holiday which is on May 5th, she has already paid for this obviously. We had also planned to move out this time next year and buy a house(with all her savings as deposit) as that was when I initially would have paid everything off. Now she is distraught, so disappointed and keeps telling me I have ruined my life.
She feels like she cannot trust me understanably, she means the world to me and I can't believe I have done this again. She is still deciding whether to stay with me or not, this has put a huge hold on both our lives as it will now take me another 2 years to pay this off. I don't know whether I will be better off staying with her and working hard to pay everything off for the next two years, but living with the guilt that I am holding her back or whether it would be best if she did finish it with us ?
I have already given my credit and debit card to my mum so I don't have access to any more money, I also have but blocks on my ****** and ****** accounts on my phone which block me for 5 years, I also can't open any more accounts without these cards and I am now looking counselling in my local area.
My total debt is now £17,443 which as I said before will take at least two years to pay it off, unless I get a higher paid job in the meantime which i am trying to do.
But I woke up this morning feeling so low, having had to budget and miss out on so many things the last couple of yeaars already due to financial constraints and now I am going to have to do this again for the next two years. I don't know what else I can do ? Also does anyone have any advice in regards to my situation with my girlfriend ?
Thank you
Dominic
Originally osted on: Fri, 11/03/2016 - 15:18 by
Hi Dom,
Ok, everyone can offer advice and tell you what to do to stop gambling but ultimately its up to YOU and YOU only.
For me what I can see is that losing your job shocked you, it upset you. You probably never thought you would lose it. It can make you feel worthless and then turn towards something to fill the void. Whether it be drink, drugs or gambling, its all the same. As you were living at home you didn’t crucially need the money, so the gambling wasn’t something you did to make money. It may seem like that but it wasn’t. You just wanted to feel good again, searching for a high in whatever form it came.
You are still young, you have accepted you have a problem and are willing to change it. DO NOT be like me and let gambling control you for years upon years. Put a stop to it now. Self exclude yourself from the bookies, limit the cash you can withdraw and tell yourself you are not a gambler. Write it down 1000 times if you have too – “My name is Dominic and I am not a gambler” This thought will eventually get into your sub conscious mind.
In terms of your relationship, I had exactly the same thing happen to me. I was engaged and due to be married until she found out how much debt I was in due to gambling. You have done the right thing telling her, trust me. I broke my exes heart and it haunts me to this very day. Please remember its her choice if she wants to break up with you, however hard it may be for you, it was your mistake not hers. I am a true believer in fate so whatever happens happens for a reason. However hard it was for me, my ex is now happy with her new partner and has a child. We are still friends. So just let her decide and just be honest with her from now on.
I would look into going into a debt management plan as this will stop you getting further into debt, even an IVA might be an option. Just do the best thing for YOU, whatever will clear the debt the quickest so you can get on with your life.
Just be strong Dom, every day check in here and call them to talk if you need it. We are all here for the same reason. Take each day at a time, each morning tell yourself “today I will not gamble” You will get through this, you have everything you need to do it. That everything is your inner belief to change for the better.
Take care and have a great gambling free weekend,
Ru.
Originally posted on: Fri, 11/03/2016 - 16:09 by
Hi Its over now, thank you very much for your help.
I need to self exclude from all bookies aswell as via apps on my phone, thanks. I have just finished writing a full page of "My name is Dominic and I am not a gambler" it worked out 30 times on an a4 page. How often do you recommend this, how often and how many lines do you do ?
Wow, I am very sorry to hear what happened with your ex. Yes I will let her make her choice then and I will not beg her to stay with me, yes I should believe in fate more like you think. Have you found yourself a new partner now do you mind me asking ?
I have worked out all my debts spoken to a debt managment company and as I am still living at home not paying rent, bills etc I am very lucky and can afford to may my loans monthly, but it will just take a long time, but I will continue to search for a job with more money.
How long have you been on here do you also mind me asking and how much are you in debt ? I know this is very intrusive but I am just looking to relate to someone else who is or has been in my situation.
Thank you
Dominic
Originally posted on: Fri, 11/03/2016 - 17:20 by
Hi Dom,
A new national self exclusion company now operates and they fill in the form for you and can exclude you from as many bookies as you want, call them free on 0800 294 2060. Its a very good service, they can close your online accounts too. tHE USE GAMBLOCK software to stop you going onto any other sites.
There is no fixed amount of times you can write it, for me personally I like to do it every time I have a though about gambling which is sadly at least once or twice a day. Its all about training your brain.
Yes I am lucky to have found some-one again and I am getting married in May. I told her all about my gambling and debts and was honest from the start. We are now building a life together and saving for a house.
Over the years I must have had debts over 40k due to gambling, very excessive I know but over 16 years it soon adds up. I have only just joined here as I want to support people and get support myself. So this is another reason you need to stop now. If only I did back when I was your age, my life would have been a whole lot better, I have no doubt.
I cannot change my past but you can change your future, You do not need gambling, look for another outlet, go and do something you enjoy like play football, go to the gym or meet with friends.
PLEASE remember you will never beat the Bookies, thats why there is so many of them now as they always win and make so much money from us.
Good luck with your girlfriend, I truly hope you sort it out. You seem like a genuinely nice guy. You just chose the wrong path and can now easily get back on the right one.
Remember faith is trusting in the good and fear is trusting in the bad. So believe in everything thats good in your life and the fear of gambling again will go I promise.
Have a good weekend and we can catch up soon,
Ru.
Hi buddy,
How you getting on? Everything ok with the girlfriend?
Ru
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