Hello,
I am not going to bore you with the details, my story is hardly any different to other’s here. I can find many valid reasons as to why I gambled, but holding onto those would only prolong the recovery process for me and I am determined to clean up the mess I created. I am yet to find out the true cost of 3 years reckless gambling, particularly bad in the past few months, shopping sprees to “relief” my overwhelming guilt feelings and time lost with friends and family. On Saturday 16 December I finally found the courage to admit to my husband. There was no shouting, no lengthy conversation and there are only so many apologies I can offer. I asked him if he would look after finances to help me get through this, he is refusing point blank to do so. We have been together for nearly 13 years and married for 6. All this years finances had been my responsibility as well as anything to do with our household – payments, holidays, shopping, dealing with authorities you name it – it was my job to do. He just earns, well I would say. He doesn’t spend and he has very different relationship to money then I do. The way I see things are I can either stand in dead lock position until he decides to either stay or go, or take back control of my life. I am coming to terms that this might as well be the end of my marriage and I have told him already I would understand if that is what he wants. I love him to bits.
So, steps I have taken so far. Spoke to GamCare adviser first. This was a massive help as it helped me take the first step and tell my husband. I also confessed to my best friend who no wonder was in shock and never saw that coming knowing me and my family very well. I wrote down all debt currently to my name which amounts to just shy of 12k. My husband’s account is fine as I wouldn’t use it to gamble. About 40% of the debt was spending on the house we bought 3 years ago, but the rest is gambling. Surprisingly, I somehow managed to keep up with all my credit cards and personal loan payments, which resulted in excellent credit score allowing me to take balance transfer to clear credit cards, one of which is with a toxic 40% interest. I am patiently waiting for the transaction so I can finally close this card for good. I intend to hand the rest of the credit cards to my friend until cleared and closed. I have been participating in chat sessions here and on GA website. As my current aaccount card is saved on so many places now, not just gambling, I went to my bank to request new one and explained the reasons behind. Unfortunately they cannot do much to prevent any transaction of such kind and offered to cancel all my cards and have access to cash only. The problem is online gambling and I am, therfore, strongly considering this option. Since my husband hasn’t told me yet what he wants to do I am operating on a basis that he might not be around for the long run. Got back in touch with my councellor whom I was seeing for depression, unfortunately we never got to talk in detail about gambling as I was avoiding it. Scheduled my next session with her for 10th January. Self-excluded from one site and all other accounts are currently on time out. I would complete the self-excluding forms for as many as I can hopefully later tonight. I am also looking at blocking software options for my mobile, which I mostly used for gambling and laptop/pc/tablet.
Often, when feeling low, I would resort to online shopping so I also closed down all my catalogue accounts, 3 with total available credit £6225. At least those were clear for quite some time.
I suppose this would be my diary. Thank you for taking the time to read and if you decide to comment, and apologies for skipping the introduction part, but I am sure it won’t be long before I share more.
Last gambled 15 December 17.
hello nice,
Thank you for sharing with us,
all i can really say is well done for taking the first steps, it looks like an uphill struggle but you will get there. i will be honest i am just about to start my journey but with little steps i think we can kick this nasty habbit. i find the chat a great help already and i have spoken to the advisors a couple of times all ready,
they give good advice and some people in the chat room can give good advice aswell
hope everything works out for you
tony x
Thank you, Tony.
I just had a long chat with an adviser from the help line, same one that took my desperate call last week. Felt like I wanted to share progress, but also a bit concerned. I feel so much better today it really scares me, beacuse I never been a long term griefer (is there such word?), so do I try to push recovery too fast? I wouldn't know, but this is the only right way for me as of this moment, so I better stay focussed!
update: Just applied betting filters from the internet provider, need to call my friend tomorrow and ask her to chage password and never give it to me.
Hi Nice, welcome to the site & congratulations on your 1st week gamble free 🙂
Even without the intro, it’s clear to see that gambling is just one of your coping mechanisms for life & hopefully your counsellor will be able to help join some dots for you. I would thoroughly recommend GA because there’s no stigma to gambling in those rooms & sharing may be easier with people who have walked in your shoes? You already seem to understand one of the main ‘mantras’ of GA...The serenity prayer & whether your husband does stay or go, you will do better with a good support network around you. Your friend/husband may be interested to know, there is help here for them too if they need it.
Sounds like you really mean business now which is fantastic to hear 🙂
What I will say is you need to find something to fill the void that throwing away your crutches (shopping/gambling) will leave...In no particular order, the highest ranking ones seem to be: reading, exercising (walking/gym), box sets & cleaning (“Why?” I ask myself but I have been known to wipe the odd bit of dust off of things that need using) with my all time favourite being colouring in. Don’t be jealous but I am now the proud owner of more Sharpies than I can shake a stick @ & an adult colouring book (beginners version...Lines are too tiny in the real ones)!
Enjoy any peace as it comes...I don’t want to put you off but you will hear recovery described as a rollercoaster because what we feel one second may be gone the next. If it helps any, much to my surprise, once I admitted I had a problem & decided to actually quit gambling instead of just trying to work out how to stop losing (would have settled for how to stop losing so much but that never materialised either) I found it pretty easy. It been changing my mindset after 3 decades of damage that I have struggled with but I’m a year clean (as of a few hours ago) & I am in a much better place now than I ever knew existed when I was hell bent on throwing money away.
Be proud of how you are coping & keep your focus - ODAAT
ODAAT, thank you for stopping by to show your support! I may not have been around for long enough, yet, but always a pleasure to read your posts. I have few hobbies I can go back to and perhaps finally find the time to convert our spear room into a photography studio I’ve been planning to for some time now.
Last week around this time I was feeding money on online slots, today I feel angry with myself. I understand this is a part of the recovery process and the good thing is I feel no need whatsoever to gamble as of this moment anyway. I no longer care if my husband forgives me I need to find the strength to forgive myself and this may take a while.
My husband still doesn't talk to me and I am most certain he would not be interested in joining either this forum, contact the helpline or come along to my sessions. He knew I was depressed, he knew I was seeing my counsellor on a weekly basis, never ever asked me why. Is just the way he is and had been soul crushing for me over the years long before my gambling, long before I was depressed. As bad as it may sounds saving my marriage right now is not my top priority. I am in this journey alone for my own sake, but I acknowledge that I am blessed with amazing friends I can always talk to.
I put some restrictions on the internet account last night and my friend agreed to change the password and set different e-mail to prevent me from trying to recover it. Checked and worked for all sites bar one which I was still able to access, account currently on time out. Sent them an e-mail requesting to self-exclude permanently and received confirmation earlier today.
I am dreading the 10 days off work we have around the holidays.
Wow he spoke. It went exactly how I thought it would be. Updated me on development with regard to issue he's been having at work and then took off for night shift. Like nothing happened. We are never going to talk about this, just pretened we are a nice normal family as alway regardless of how serious the problem is.
Ouch & I have no words because although my hubby is a bury his head in the sand kinda guy aside from initial concerns about me traipsing halfway cross the country to attend a GA meeting & one huge indiscretion he’s been pretty supportive...Although I have to say, I haven’t been shy of demanding support but then we’re still on the honeymoon phase of our relationship . I don’t think I could survive the disconnect that you seem to have there & regardless of whether it’s his way or not, there’s a reason why “in sickness & in health” is in the traditional vows & it’s horrible to hear not only that he hasn’t “been there for you” but may also have contributed to the erosion of your mental health 🙁
A photography studio sounds absolutely amazing...You SO have to do that 🙂
You've got it spot ot there, ODAAT. I used to think that all the problems lies with me despite my counsellor gently prompting me to look at our relationship and take him off the perfect peidestal I put him on for all this years. I've been thinking alot this past week, as you can imagine, and came to realise and finally admit to myself that we are simply very different people looking at different directions.
I had some gambling urges last night, so glad I put all this measures in place to prevent early relapse. I am extremly gratefull for all the support available and given by other members.
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