Hi everyone. I am not new to Gamcare I signed up last year and started commenting after looking at the site and people’s stories but not having the courage initially to speak about my story. I feel I need to start a total fresh in my aim to stop gambling so I’m writing on the new member forum and hoping for some comments and help. I stopped gambling the day before the worst day of my life last year in October, the day before my birthday. I put only 200 quid online and managed by some miracle that would only ever happen once, to be up to 17000!! To put some context behind where I was as a gambler at this point, I have gambled for about 7 years (18-25) and probably blown 40k from what I can work out in debts and memorable binges/losses etc etc. In terms of actual debts I owed to get back to level I owed about 15000. So had I had even half the brain cell of a normal person, I would have been a click and a few hours away from the 17000 been processed and then a few days from it being in my account. To this day I still have nightmares about this day and it’s what stopped me gambling for 130 days and I think what got me gambling again. I get so angry and say to myself I would have been debt free but I do now realise and I don’t think I did before that I would have just put it back like I always do. I told my partner before about the gambling and she supported me which was amazing because I messed up big time. I am successful and have a good job and have always worked hard but played hard which is why I am here today saying this is my final chance. This really is my final chance aswell because I now have a daughter and my partner swore she would leave me if I gambled again. I would not encourage anyone reading this to lie because it’s wrong and honesty really is the best policy and it’s what got me to my only real gamble free stretch in 7 years of gambling nearly every single day. I aren’t telling my partner because I know she would leave me and if she didn’t I would leave her because I don’t want to ruin her life anymore,if I don’t stop now it is the end of me because I am tired and drained and at my white end with it. I have been typing in ‘0people commuting suicide from gambling’ which is horrible to read but these amazing families who have been part of suffering publish their stories to stop people like us gambling so I have read loads of stories today to try gain some motivation to stop gambling because I have amazing things going on in my life and my future if I stop now. It has to stop not though because I look back to a year ago when I said I would stop and I’m even worse off. I would recommend anyone to go on you tube and watch the 15 minute video from Justin Rees luscombe because that guy blew 750k as a high flying London city worker and has managed to get his life back which regardless of his background is inspiring. Sorry for the long post guys I just truly have so much in my mind and that I want to put right before it’s too late. I have started to become the guy that’s always worrying and up at silly times and lying and distant from people. I’m commuting to a change today for life on day 1
Hi losing colour hindsight is a wonderful thing, but not helpful! If only! I'm wife of a cg, so I know the lies, the secrets, the doubt, the distance. My husband thought that I would leave him so he continued. He then said he was leaving without confessing. I knew what he'd done. I don't ever remember saying I'd leave. You need support when you stop gambling, it's very difficult. You also need to be honest, to unburden yourself. You say if you tell her you'll leave? But not telling you'll stay? Lying is control, controlling the outcome. This then justifies your secret. As partners we can sense something is not right, distractions, moods, distance. Addiction feeds on secrets and lies, it keeps the door open for you to go back. As people living with active compulsive gamblers it's very stressful, lonely, difficult. We need support too. I'm not saying you have to tell her, but for both of you to recover together it helps. Get help and support from gamcare, find a GA meeting.
Thank you merry go round I have seen a lot of your posts and I am sorry you are part of this world. I said it before but this time is my final time saying it again...I will not gamble again! I desperately want to tell my partner about it but I am giving myself one final chance to do it. It doesn’t feel like I’m alone because she knows I have a problem I just need to keep a lid on it again now for good. I cannot lose my daughter I saw what happened to my little sisters when my parents broke up and it wasn’t nice with going back and forward between houses. Gambling is a demon and an addiction that’s so tough to beat but If gambling was the thing to ruin my daughters relationship with me I would be dead inside
7 days gamble free....feels good and not even the slightest urge to gamble. I’ve had money to gamble, It’s been my partners birthday and I’ve worked away which is when my gambling has been at its worst so I’ve overcome some small tests. I said it before that I would stop but it just feels a bit different this time. My girlfriend is much warmer towards me this week and it’s probably because I’m in a better mood I haven’t had any losses to morn or my head in my phone gambling
Hi Losingcolour92,
Thats fantastic news, 7 days free!! Good for you, please, please, please keep it up. ONE DAY AT A TIME!!.
It sounds like your changing in a positive way with each passing day.
My Son is 10 days into his recovery and is becoming once again the Son i used to know. He is 24 and has his whole life ahead. He has now attended 2 GA meetings, the first with me as support and then last Thursday he went voluntarily by himself. He says its benefitting him already. I know its early days for lots of people but soon those early days will hopefully become weeks, months and years. It does affect so many other people and not just yourself. "You can do this" i keep telling my Son and were here to help you every step of the way. Ultimately though its down to "the person" to want it badly enough.
Keep posting Losingcolours92 and make this your journal of how you beat the monster and become an inspiration to others.
Good luck and best wishes
chris x
Losingcolour92 wrote:
7 days gamble free....feels good and not even the slightest urge to gamble. I’ve had money to gamble, It’s been my partners birthday and I’ve worked away which is when my gambling has been at its worst so I’ve overcome some small tests. I said it before that I would stop but it just feels a bit different this time. My girlfriend is much warmer towards me this week and it’s probably because I’m in a better mood I haven’t had any losses to morn or my head in my phone gambling
Thats great mate, I'm 9 days free now, one day at a time still. Like you I work away and in my place of work in the messroms there are fruit machines and in one location I can think of there is even a FBOT style machine with bookie slot games on it so its been challenging, Instead of typing this out now, 2 weeks ago I'd have been online on some slot site. It feels good not to have gambled. Its a great achievement. Well done mate, keep it going.
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