Lost everything :(

Hi Glenn,

And welcome to the site, my story is not too dissimilar to yours, gambled badly 7 years ago and my husband forgave me did it a second time this time loosing our 16k wages when he found out he kicked me out, I have been sofa hopping ever since. I too sounded like you when I first came on, but the people on here are very supportive and offer a lot of helpful advice. The first thing I would say to you is don't dwell on the past you have to concentrate on you and concentrate on today, start making some positive moves to get this right, you need to confid in someone close, let them help you, maybe get them to help you sort out your finances, self exclude yourself from any sites you use and put a blocker on your laptop, if you use your phone then down grade to one you can't use for getting on the sites. Don't dispare Hun, it will get better and your feelings will subside with time, each day that goes by you will get stronger, believe me been there done that ! X

you have come to the right place for help, you have lost your girlfriend, i am really sorry for that, to have debt and no one to talk to or cuddle when you are at your lowest ebb is rubbish. on here the stories can inspire change, but it will be up to you, i am not best placed to give advice, read my diary you will see why. the gamcare help is phenomnal, use it. but and i say but you have to want to stop yourself ...................... if you don't and i didn't you could end up like me completely in a black hole. good luck

Thank you for your comment, at this moment in time I just feel like I'm back to square one, I've tried speaking to her and all she seems to think is that I had a choice to do it, and I picked gambling over her, this was never the case, I feel like I didn't have a choice, I had no control over it and didn't do it maliciously, I think you are right though, I need to concentrate on myself, realising I need to stop gambling again and dealing with the break up has really played havoc with my head, it's nice too hear that there are other people in your situation, sometimes I would shut myself away as I didn't want to tell everyone as I knew it would be more hassle than it's worth, I now understand honesty is the best policy! If only we could've known this sooner, are there any techniques you used too take your mind off things? Any help will be appreciated, and once again thank you for your help 🙂

Glenn, there are plenty of people going through the same thing as you if not worse. From my own personal experience over the last week, keep yourself busy, try and change your routines. I went back to work today and the first thing I did was tell everyone, that way if I was out of sorts they would know why, you think people are going to be judgmental but not everyone is, I found everyone to be totally supportive. I also wrote my husband an email as he won't speak to me telling him every little detail as I figured I had nothing to loose ! One good thing came of this, it was pressure off me, I wasn't anxious anymore as there was nothing else he could throw at me I had told him everything, I think a lot of the battle is people who don't have an addiction to gambling don't understand how you can have one, don't waste your energy trying to explain yourself, not yet anyway leave that until you really understand yourself ! X

Oh and guys could you all please sign my pettition, you will find it under the forum page headed I have started a petition ! Thanks in advance

fully understand glenn about the no control aspect, to be fair no-one except gamblers understands gamblers, so sufferer's on here get it, the trained gamcare counsellors get it, but after that understanding we are pretty much on our own. this time last week i had £K50 withdrawal in an account, i had no control i didn't take it, that has happened to me twice in the last nine months. compulsive gamblers have no control, understand that. you are young you can recover from this, love will come again for you and when it does don't mess it up. any techniques to take your mind off gambling, many say exercise, read a lot on here, some of the long stayers have the answers, i wish i did.

Thank you guys for your support, I will definitely sign heather! And Lost my life, thank you for your help, I have only been on here a matter of moments, but I already feel the therapeutic and healing nature of helping other whilst also helping yourself, I don't know if anyone else feels this? Even whilst gambling I have always been the type too suffer in silence, I was always the laughter jokey one, making everyone else smile whilst silently suffering in my own head, I'm glad I took the step too come on here, and if anyone else has any comments advice or just conversation, it would truely be appreciated by me 🙂 here's to life, and whilst we are living we can succeed 🙂

There you go Glenn you already sound more positive 🙂 stay strong, stay focused and take every day as it comes, and well said 🙂 x

Heather that was definitely an rave step too take but completely understand why you would say leave that for later, it easy to get some people to understand, from my research partners seem too take it personally and think you chose it against them, this is a frustrating thing for us as we all know we never chose too, we had too, nothing malicious was ever against our partners and I'm sure other than gambling associated issues we were all really good partners, your first comment really sparked a fire in me, and made me realise the only way to get people too realise you have changed... IS TOO CHANGE! I've been there before where people have known and because I convinced them I could do it on my own I ended up letting them down again and again, the only real way is too talk too people and accept you need help, thank you 🙂

Glenn, I tried saying to my husband no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, you are right they do take it personally, I have spent my whole married life trying to do the best I can for my husband, I pleaded with him to help me but he just doesn't understand, as you say he has taken it personally, I would never intentionally hurt him, but he is disgusted with me, inside I am ripped apart but I am not going to let this horrific addiction lose me and who I am, even if the outcome is I do loose my husband it will not take away who I am, and I am a good person !

Perhaps read the friends and family posts to get some insight as to life on the receiving end?

CW no one is taking away from the devastation we have caused for our OH all we are saying is there is not enough understanding as to the hold gambling has on a person, we don't do it to hurt anyone, it is an action out of our control the same way it would effect an achoholic or drug taker. I think we are all very aware it hurts people which is why we are here trying to deal with it

This is exactly what I have understood lately, I realise I hurt my partner, but the difference is I didn't do it intentionally, whereas she can't get it out her mind, I realise the hurt, the betrayal I made her go through, I also understand the trust she put in me, but other than that I put 1100% percent into the relationship, gave her everything she wanted, it's just the little demon inside of me that has caused this, I couldn't have stopped this though, it was a problem and surely your loved one admitting and doing something about that problem is something to praise 🙂

Perhaps put on hold expecting praise until your actions speak for you rather than your words.