Hi
My compulsive gambling came to a head last Wednesday and my wife and family are now aware of the scale of my problem. When I was gambling I didnt appreciate the levels I was gambling and how much debt I had run up to feed my disgusting habit. When I was placing bets online I was in another world and only thinking of how much I was going to win without having any consequence of how much I was losing. Its crazy how much I lost in a short period of time.
The dissapointing part is that I have compromised my wifes, children and families future with the amount I have borrowed. I feel truly disgusted and embarrassed I got myself into this situation.
Our families have been extremely supportive and have rallied round to help and advise, support and try making sense of what I have done. I'm such a lucky person to have a loving and extremely caring family especially with what I have done. When they say blood is thicker then water, I totally agree. The kids are aware that something is up and I feel totally ashamed I have brought this on the family.
I've attended a couple of GA sessions and found them extremely useful and sobering as the people in the room have been through what you have and some of the members dont mince their words and give it straight on what you have done but then explain that if you stop gambling and attend the meetings their is light at the end of the tunnel. It will take hard work and willpower to rebuild especially the trust you have lost with your family. My wife attended the session last night and found it very useful to talk to other partners who have gone through the same issues and listened to their advice on how to put some fail safes in place to stop me accessing electronic devices and bank accounts. I felt extremely embarrassed to have taken her to this meeting and waiting in the car outside before we went in.
Today is the anniversary of my mums passing and she did not bring me up to behave in the way I have behaved. She was a mum of the highest standards and moral and would extremely dissapointed her youngest has behaved in the way I have. I miss her dearly and today I am going to treat as a new beginning and try to think postive and repair the damage I have done.
I will stop here for now and will keep this blog updated on how my progress is going.
...........
Welcome Brewster 180,
This addiction can be beaten and banished to the past.
I've found that as the gambling free days have built up my head is a lot clearer and I feel proud of my achievement (170 days "clean"). There are plenty of other success stories.
What little money I have left each month is MINE and not the bookies.
Plenty of advice on the forum about strong gambling preventative measures.
Best Wishes.
Thanks for your support guys. Family is so important.
Rough day today as we told one of our children of the issues. He's not responded and I feel he's bottling things up like me. Will sit again tomorrow and get him to talk about how he feels.
My wife has been a rock and I'm not sure how she's keeping it all together. I'm not making any sensible decisions and its all falling on her shoulders. I need to get a grip or things are going to slide.
............
HI Brewster 180, i have just registered on this site so i could comment on your Post. what you have wrote realy resinates with me, i'm in exactly the same position as you only my family only knows some of the extent of my problem.i am gripped by this habbit and this is my first step to stop. my exact circumstances are i have wracked up £36,579 in debt, i took today off to sort out my finances and ended up contributing to that figure significantly. I Am at the point where i see no way back financially. My biggest fear is telling my wife, she is an incredible women but this will be too much for her to hear. what i think about all the time is why haven't i stopped for them? surely that is what they will say. i have no intention of telling her if i'm honest, i can't bear to burden her with it, we have started talking about having a second child, i have really compromised my familys fututre. All time low.
HI Dalby
Thanks for dropping me a note. Take it from me, the best thing you could do is tell your wife as you will be surprised with how supportive and caring they will be. I wish I had done that 6 months ago as we wouldnt be such a mess now. When your gambling you lose all control of whats real and not and continue to gamble until you have no more money left even if you were up your the session. Stop now before its to late.
I went to Gamblers Anonamous and found it difficult on the 1st session but really appreciatve that I was able to talk to people who understood the disease I had and that if you stop gambling there is light at the end of the tunnel. It will be a long hard battle but stopping gambling will be the best thing you did and telling your family the truth will relieve alot of stress from your shoulders. Keep in touch and be strong.
Hi Joydivider
Thanks for your comments. Really appreciate your advice and reasoning. Gaining trust from the ones very dear to me is super important to me and I appreciate its going to be a long road to achieve but I'm in this for the long run and ensuring I dont go back to the dark place I was.
Hi Brewster,
I know it's the right thing to do i just feel i need to put a plan in action first to at least show that i have taken steps to sort myself out. Currently doing the accounts is heart breaking but necessary, one step at a time i guess. Not gambled so far today but i'm a little concerned about the strength of the urges, i guess it is more noticable when you don't act on them. Installed the gambling site blocker on my P.C which makes good sense. I will not gamble today.
Hi Dalby
Having a plan of action is probably a good idea and one step at a time is good.
I've had a crappy day, (and i deserve it). Feeling extremely low and dejected today as was a special day today and I know I wouldnt be in this mess today if she was around. She had a 6th sense and would have noticed something was wrong and said something.
My partner is having to deal with a lot of things and i'm feeling absolutely useless around her as I'm not making any sensible decisions on anything. I dont blame her releasing on me and reminding me of what I have done.
Need to shape up and snap out of this and start doing more positive things.
Hi Dalby
Having a plan of action is probably a good idea and one step at a time is good.
I've had a crappy day, (and i deserve it). Feeling extremely low and dejected today as was a special day today and I know I wouldnt be in this mess today if she was around. She had a 6th sense and would have noticed something was wrong and said something.
My partner is having to deal with a lot of things and i'm feeling absolutely useless around her as I'm not making any sensible decisions on anything. I dont blame her releasing on me and reminding me of what I have done.
Need to shape up and snap out of this and start doing more positive things.
Having an action plan is good as the feeling you are tackling your problem makes you more optimistic. It's hard because we all want things to be "normal" again straight away and knowing it could be a long road to recovery makes us feel anxious. You can turn it round though, if you really want it.
Stick with it, don't be dragged down by your bad day. It's not easy but you're doing what you can. Things will get better.
CW
Hi Brewster
Told my wife today, and my mum. thanks to your first post i found the courage. immedietly felt better but am slowly now starting to feel worse as it slowly sinks in what i have done. could be worse though, i could have indulged myself with a bet. i will not gamble today.
HI Dalby
Im so glad you did tell your family as they will help you through this. Be prepared to take the stick and harsh words as that will be there immediate way to reposnd to it. Its good you are feeling worse and starting to understand what the impact the gambling has had on your family and the next step is to admit your a compulsive gambler. I would recommend, if you havn't already, to join Gamblers Anonymous and attend the meetings and start to admit you have a problem but find ways from the group on how to help yourself going forward.
So glad you did not gamble and I bet you feel so much better. Be strong and keep in touch as its good to talk to someone.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
