Hi All
This is really difficult but i know a lot of people on here are in the same place as me. A little bit about me. I think i have gambled pretty much on and off since i was 18, im now 33. I started on slot machines in pubs and the mix of alcohol and gambling is my downfall.I still gamble on slot machines but online. i have excluded my self from numerous sites over the years and have gamblock on my computer. I havent gambled in a while may be 6 months until the start of last month and I last gambled on friday 3-07-15. I tend to gamble when im going through a stress full time or have a build up of anxiety, i use it like a comfort blanket (which i know its not) a counseller once told me that.
Last month i bet £250 and won £1800 thats more than i a months pay, i gambled 800 of it and withdrew £1000. within a week it was gone, then last week i got paid on tuesday again i bet £250 and won £1200 but i continuned till it was gone. My bills came out and i bet my remaining £300 for the month. Fortunatley I have a bit of cash and dont use bookies thankfully ive never liked the thought of walking into one people might see me.
Ive told my mum well i lied to my mum and she figured me out and ive told my best friend what ive done - i hate the feelings and emotions why on earth do i put my body through so much stress its a wonder my body hasnt given up yet.The look of disappointment on my friends face made me feel ill. i often think of suicide but i dont want to hurt others because of my weakness, ive seen the effects of suicide and i dont want my family and friends to go through that. Compulsive gambling is like a form of self harm ive figure that out over the years - low self esteem i know i'll make it worse.
Ive got a disease that keeps rearing its ugly head thats trying to break me - i will not let it beat me, i will not gamble today for today i will beat it.
thanks
Scared18
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Thanks Joydivider
Its very difficult, its the features that keep you going.
we can help each other if you want. Im on my own too, my mum lives away from me and i find it very difficult to express my feelings thoughts to even my closest friend, i think i only spoke up as my friend has a habbit of being able to read me which can be very annoying!!
Hi Scared and Joydivider,
I've spoken with a psychiatrist about what triggered my gambling. I too did it as a response to stress and anxiety. Once I'd got all my problems off my chest it seemed to make it possible for me to quit. When the stress builds up I find it easier to put the "safety catch" on before I need to pull the "gambling trigger". I've managed to rack up 170 days "clean". If I can do it so can others.
Take it one day at a time. Limit your access to cash to fund gambling. Perhaps put your finances in the hands of a trusted relative for a while.
I've achieved greater peace of mind now. I've made arrangements with creditors to pay them reduced monthly payments. Old hobbies have been revived. This site has helped me greatly as well.
I hope this post offers some encouragement.
Best Wishes.
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Guys,
I'm sorry that it's so hard for you but how about taking some positive steps?
This is going to happen every single time you sign on or get paid - until you stop your access to money. That's something YOU need to sort out yourselves. No money, no machines or bookies. Get someone to look after your money for you, ask the bank for a small daily withdrawal limit, whatever works. But you sort it before Monday.
Self exclude from as many bookies as you can. Go to GA or organise counselling. Do what it takes.
Or else keep on mourning your losses. Life is better gamble free but it's your call.
Good luck.
CW
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Taking action will help you feel better. Go for it and post back soon.
CW
Hi Scared18
Welcome, its good to see you using the forum for encouragement and support, and that you have already installed the use of blocking software which is helpful in your recovery. However I've noticed you have mentioned some feelings around suicide and would like to encourage you to call and speak to one of our trained advisors on 0808 8020 133 FREE, 8am to midnight, 7 days a week.
You also mention you previously had counselling and that it helped you to understand some reasons why you gamble. (see the link) http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/face-face-counselling#.VaE5Wy1wY2g
We also offer a free one to one confidential counselling service which could be arranged for you if you feel this would help you to talk things through in regards to your recent relapse. Relapse is a common part of gambling recovery and so I want to encourage you to use all the resources available to aid your recovery.
All the best
Cade
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